The Jennifer Project

The Jennifer Project

by Jennifer Bell-Lang
(Edmonton, AB)

Well, ok, here I am once again, sitting at the computer and without help of any kind except with what I get here at this site. I was thinking just recently about that and why I seem to always get the short end of the stick and I thought about health care. It is truly a wonderful thing to have health care, and even a better thing to have loved ones, but how do you react and live if your loved ones are the ones who provide you with improper health care. What if they give you immunoziations for things that other people don't have and then watch as other people either love you or hate you, or love you just because they want your health care...you know what i'm saying, what does it take in this world to get real love? As an abused child I try my best not to let what I've been through happen to any other people and I know others of you out there do the same,This war on terror is really getting to me, or not depending on my biology, but in all actuality, I really hate not feeling loved and I am just glad that I have this web site to vent. Don't worry too much though because nothing good can come from evil, and nothing evil can come from good.
Love,
Jennifer

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The Jennifer Project

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Jun 20, 2008
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So lonely...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jennifer, your posts bleed of such loneliness. I'm so sorry that you aren't finding what you're looking for, what you deserve to have.

Have you considered a more spiritual path? Sometimes we have to be in a great deal of pain in order to open ourselves to such a path. I sense your pain may have reached a point where you are ready for such a journey. Consider Eckhart Tolle's books A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose and The Power of Now? Both are an excellent place to start.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 20, 2008
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A little bit of love...
by: Elaine Riley

Hi Jennifer,

Reading what you have written, I get a sense that you are a frustrated person - someone who has come through the abuse that they experienced, but is not quite sure how to go about getting exactly what they want and deserve out of life.
I guess the sad thing about having been abused is that it can colour our long-term opinions, and affect the way in which we react to and interpret new experiences. In some cases, it can even stop us from going ahead and experiencing anything new, often out of fear that it will turn out "bad".
It's a dreadful thing to feel that you have never been truly loved. I can identify with that, as it's something that I, too, have used this website of Darlene's to let off steam about. I am sorry to hear that you still feel you have few other sources of support other than this site. I get the sense that this is behind your frustration, and feeling of loneliness.
But what I also pick up in what you write, is the sense of a woman with a lot to offer. A woman who WANTS to reach out and connect. A woman who WANTS to try new experiences, make new friends...
Clearly this alone suggests that you probably have quite a lot going for you, and that you might just be the sort of person others would like to get to know. Perhaps the issue is more that you are the sort of person who would like to be valued for who you truly are. That is a COMPLETELY different issue altogether than merely superficial acquaintances. You are obviously an arty, creative sort, and I wonder therefore whether this also leads you to being quite an independent thinker; someone for whom true friendship and love is about a much deeper sense of connection, and sharing of similar interests, than for some other people?
I guess you maybe need to take stock of where you're at. Look back over all you've achieved so far, and when you do, I bet you'll see you've come a huge way. You'll probably also then see the woman I described, with a lot to offer. You may well see, too, that you HAVE made friends along the way, and want to reconnect with them. Perhaps you'll also be aware of the fact that you have so many years yet ahead of you, too, in which to meet more like minds ( maybe even to meet a true "soul-mate" if this is what you want), and to carry on building the life that you want for yourself.
Oh, and by the way, yes! You MAY have to communicate here by computer. And, yes! That may seem distant, lacking intimacy, and frustrating. BUT IT DOES NOT EVER MEAN THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING WORTH SAYING. And there are people here happy to listen.

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Jun 20, 2008
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Submitted by: Elaine Riley

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Hi Jennifer, Reading what you have written, I get a sense that you are a frustrated person - someone who has come through the abuse that they experienced, but is not quite sure how to go about getting exactly what they want and deserve out of life. I guess the sad thing about having been abused is that it can colour our long-term opinions, and affect the way in which we react to and interpret new experiences. In some cases, it can even stop us from going ahead and experiencing anything new, often out of fear that it will turn out "bad". It's a dreadful thing to feel that you have never been truly loved. I can identify with that, as it's something that I, too, have used this website of Darlene's to let off steam about. I am sorry to hear that you still feel you have few other sources of support other than this site. I get the sense that this is behind your frustration, and feeling of loneliness. But what I also pick up in what you write, is the sense of a woman with a lot to offer. A woman who WANTS to reach out and connect. A woman who WANTS to try new experiences, make new friends... Clearly this alone suggests that you probably have quite a lot going for you, and that you might just be the sort of person others would like to get to know. Perhaps the issue is more that you are the sort of person who would like to be valued for who you truly are. That is a COMPLETELY different issue altogether than merely superficial acquaintances. You are obviously an arty, creative sort, and I wonder therefore whether this also leads you to being quite an independent thinker; someone for whom true friendship and love is about a much deeper sense of connection, and sharing of similar interests, than for some other people? I guess you maybe need to take stock of where you're at. Look back over all you've achieved so far, and when you do, I bet you'll see you've come a huge way. You'll probably also then see the woman I described, with a lot to offer. You may well see, too, that you HAVE made friends along the way, and want to reconnect with them. Perhaps you'll also be aware of the fact that you have so many years yet ahead of you, too, in which to meet more like minds ( maybe even to meet a true "soul-mate" if this is what you want), and to carry on building the life that you want for yourself. Oh, and by the way, yes! You MAY have to communicate here by computer. And, yes! That may seem distant, lacking intimacy, and frustrating. BUT IT DOES NOT EVER MEAN THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING WORTH SAYING. And there are people here happy to listen.

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