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Apr 11, 2008
The "targeting" phenomenon...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

First off, let me say that I'm delighted to hear you broke the cycle of abuse. Your mother and father's legacy did not live on in your children. I congratulate you for that remarkable achievement. You have much to be proud of.

I'm not at all surprised to hear that your siblings continue to fall into the roles they adopted as children. I hope that you do not continue to see yourself as they and your twisted, malicious mother did.

Your mother and mine were similar, but for seemingly different reasons. Your mother said you reminded her of herself; what does that tell you about her ability to reason? My mother didn't like that I reminded her of my father. She was also was viciously jealous of the affections my father showed me; perhaps there was that element involved in your mother's perverse way of thinking too.

You might be interested to know that I replied to another contributor's question on the issue of "targeting" a couple of months ago: Why only me for child abuse? My reply titled Why only me? dated Jan 06, 2008 can be found at the bottom of that submission page. I also wrote an extensive article on the "targeting" phenomenon in my October 2007 issue of Barriere Bit's E-zine, the subscription information of which is detailed in that post. UPDATE: This article can now be found on this site at Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse. Feel free to leave your own comments.

I thank you for sharing your experience on my website.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 19, 2008
Thanks
by: Anonymous4mysiblingsSake

Thank you for your lovely comments. My mother was very jealous of my father's affections (looking back now, she coulda had em.. I didn't want them). Another factor was a was blonde haired, green eyed, and very thin. My mother was morbidly obese. All of my other siblings had weight problems. My biggest problem was keeping weight on (I have overcome that issue now, LOL).

I was told my whole life I look like my father. That is probably why I think I am so ugly.

Yes, ufortunately, I do still listen to their nasty voices in my head telling me how stupid, ugly, and unworthy I am. I am getting close to 40 years old now and am working hard to change that image. It is an uphill battle.

I am now in college going for my psychology degree (wonder of all wonders). So I am trying to break the stupid part. I still believe I am ugly and according to my therapist I still believe I am unworthy. But after all of those years of abuse, it is gonna take some time to undo those words and actions done to me at such a vulnerable age.

Jul 20, 2009
Thank You
by: Anonymous

It's a bit spooky, the similarities of your story compared with mine. They are quite parallel except for the fact that the abuse you endured was far greater, I think. It's healing to see I am not the only one and that I am not insane. I am almost forty years old, and I still don't understand any of what happened in my childhood.

Feb 10, 2015
Avoiding child abuse
by: Anonymous

It's good that you avoided the route your parents took. If you would have taken the route your parents took your children would have ended up in the same situation as you mentally, physically and spiritually. I am glad that God has his hands on your mentality and state of well-being. It may not seem like God was there when these things happen to you but guaranteed that he was there. He was there until you got older enough to have your own children. Now you can be an upcoming blessing to your children and show endearment that your mother or father didn't show to you. Life moves on. I know that you have move on to love and compassion toward your children. I know because you seems like a nice and caring person who didn't even have to share this article but you did.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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