Sickening comments and unhelpful counsellor

by Hayley
(Birmingham)

I have been going counselling for about three months now, but lately I have felt that I am not really getting any where compared to when I talk to one of my best friends from hockey training. In fact, I felt a million times better yesterday and equally more at ease in telling her some of the things my brother used to do to me. She doesn't judge me and we have a great laugh together. Something I told her the other week and indeed told another friend from the Facebook website and both were utterly disgusted. I felt utterly incensed by what the counsellor suggested, and it felt as though she was condoning what my brother did to me. She asked me if there was a small part of me that enjoyed the abuse because I let it happen. I just wanted him to leave me alone, and once he had abused me at some point in the day, that was it I was safe, from the sexual abuse at least. I asked him if he wanted to do anything to find out if he was going to abuse me that day, I dind't ever want it, I hated it.

I have phoned on a couple of occasions to say that I wouldn't be going, simply because I couldn't stand her suggesting that I was feeling abandoned because she wouldn't be taking a counselling session. She even complained because I was late a couple of times when in fact I had pre warned her that this would be the case because of work. She is so uptight that she won't even talk to me a second before or a second after my counselling session, and it drives me mad.

Another thing that is intriguing me, the abuse happened years ago, when I was a kid, but didn't have any throat infections even with the oral stuff, I had a few ear infections but that was apparently because of the ear phones I used to listen to my walkman. Now I am having loads of throat infections, and feel pretty lousy now with a sore throat and a bit of pain in my chest.

I hope I haven't made anyone feel sick. I'd better go now as I have a bed to clean and make.