Sexual Abuse Under the Guise of Spanking for Discipline

by John
(Minnesota, USA)

I'm a married man who sought therapy for a spanking fetish I truly didn't understand until the last three years. Therapy is going well. Over the course of a year now, therapy has revealed trauma in the form of PTSD and flashbacks to my punishments from being spanked as a child.

Most of my adolescent and adult life, I've had to live with a sexual fetish for spanking and general masochistic/discipline erotic desires in shameful secret. I learned what I was dealing with when the Internet came along. Lots of people indulge in their sadomasochistic desires in their sex lives, but there is a group of adults who also do this and believe in spanking their children.

My therapist says spanking children creates this fetish in some of them. I've observed many parents who choose to refuse to see the association of having a spanking fetish and being spanked as a child for punishment. Such a fetish is a violation of a person's sexuality because the compulsive thoughts and desires are involuntary and addictive. Many adults I've met on the Internet who indulge in their spanking fetish see no harm in having one and don't worry about giving their children one when they spank them.

I've read some great books on child abuse. One titled Betrayal of Boys is by a psychotherapist who treats sexually abused men. He was brave enough to actually write in his book that a mother who removes the clothing of a boy, exposing genitals, is inflicting a "covert form" of sexual abuse. Sadly, it's a form of sexual abuse that society doesn't consider a punishable criminal act.

I do recall spankings from both parents. Only two from my father, and they were coerced by my mother. My feelings of humiliation and shame at being spanked were painful, even from my father, but much less so than those by my mother. Her ritual baring of me for the spanking felt like sexual abuse. Sadly, this type of covert sexual abuse is culturally, and in many instances, religiously consented to as a safe and legitimate form of punishment.



There is hardly any effort by anti child abuse professionals and advocates in print that I can find that clearly points out this insidious, covert form of sexual abuse of women on boys. While the idea will be greatly rejected for cultural biases about spanking, I believe its lack of discussion continues to harm boys. I sense the sexuality of the child is ignored when parents inflict this form of punishment on children.

The abuse I endured felt like real incestual sexual abuse to me, and I'm certain other men must have felt the same. I'm into a years worth of expensive therapy. The traumatic flashbacks are subsiding, but the fetish thoughts continue. My therapist says I might never lose them. My sexuality has been ignorantly robbed.

Darlene, do you have any sense of my interpretation as sexual abuse? I'm wondering if other abused adults would understand what most people would deny and laugh about if they were told about it.

John

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May 03, 2008
Such honesty...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

John, I commend you for your honesty over a deeply intimate issue. To answer your question, yes, I most certainly have a great sense of your interpretation as sexual abuse.

For some time now, I've held off posting an article regarding this highly contentious issue. Today, I posted that article. You can read it at Can Childhood Spankings be Administered Because of or Lead to a Spanking Fetish? I think you'll find it highly supportive.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 11, 2008
Sexual Abuse Under the Guise of Spanking for Discipline
by: Anonymous

John I am in the same boat as you, only that I am worse off at least I feel that way. I wish I could talk to someone that would understand this and not laugh at me or think that I am some sort of sexual pervert or what-ever.

In my case this abuse did not come from my parents, it came through the school I was in. So what type of school did I go to? A all CHRISTIAN boys privet school. ( are we getting the picture yet? ) We got the strap and slipper as it was called in the name of the lord my god. Hey lord are you reading this, you know where you can go.

In the name of the load and god and all that dogma crap we got beaten. When I was not the one getting it someone else in my class or some other class was getting a strapping in plain view of anyone and everyone to see and hear the painful crys that came with it.

I could right a book on it, really I could. From a very young age I was subjected to this ( grade 1 ), and after a while it seemed to be so very normal as it was in your face daily. Not a week would go by without me see with my own eyes at least 2 strapping and/or hearing one and/or hearing about someone getting it.

After all this by the time I made it to the 7th grade I was tuned out and by the time I got to grade 8 I was a train racing down the tracks to my own personal train wreck. I never finished school I learned one thing, that is to hate school and everything it stood for as all I know was it was a place to go to be in pain and live in fear when your going to get it. Trust me you did not have to do much of anything to get it. By grade 9 I was a train wreck and by grade 10 I dropped out as I could not relate to school and any enjoyment that I might have once had for it was now so very gone that I can not even remember a time that I did not go to school in fear of wondering if today was the day I would get a strapping for something.


Jun 11, 2008
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your depiction of the Christian School system that you grew up with was so very typical of when I grew up. The daily strappings for the slightest and sometimes made up offenses, the horrible cracking sound of the strap on bare flesh, the unbearable screams of pain echoing throughout the halls, the helplessness, the powerlessness, the never-ending nauseating fear; I so deeply relate to your hatred. I didn't have to go to a Christian School to experience such terror; it was daily life growing up in my home. My parents had adopted the "Catholic" way. Is it any wonder that so many of us battered and abused children walked away from our faith.

My heart goes out to you, Anonymous. I sincerely hope you are in some form of counselling in order to help you with the emotional residue of such abuse. Therapy was my saviour; you might find it can help you too.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



Jun 11, 2008
omg!!!!!!
by: Anonymous

john and the other anonymous and darlene barriere all i can say is omg!!!!!!

Jun 23, 2008
my story
by: Scott

I too received abusive spankings from my mother and have a spanking fetish. She would ritualistically remove all my clothes and the would lecture me while waving her wooden spoon at me. She would the put me across her lap and beat me with that spoon until I was exhausted from screaming and struggling to get free. I can remember when Around age 8 or 9, I would start to get erections as she stripped off my clothes and she would sometimes make comments about it as she lectured me.

Jul 23, 2008
Embarassment
by: Mark

I can still recall the humiliation of my mom stripping off my clothes before she spanked me. I would tell her that I was too old to be spanked naked and she just responded that if I was not too old for a spanking then I was not too old to have my pants pulled down. I would then try to cover myself with my hands but she would just grab my arms and put them at my sides and say that if I did not want her seeing me naked then I should learn to behave better. I think the feelings of embarrassment and helplessness I felt standing in front of her naked while she scolded was as painful as the spanking itself.

Read Mark's Child Abuse Story on this site.

Jan 22, 2009
Sexual spankings
by: Kim

OMG I can't believe I found this place. I thought I was the only one who was punished in a sexually sadistic manner. From the first spanking I can remember (I was 3) this is how we were spanked: My mom or dad would take off all our clothes so we were completely naked. Then we had to lay on the bed on our backs and spread our legs apart. Then they would whip our bare genitals over and over. We'd be screaming from the first smack it hurt so bad. They used belts, straps, wire coat hangers, extension cords, even a martinet (leather whip with many thongs).

My two sisters and I were always whipped this way. I remember being at a friend's house when she got a spanking. I was confused that she didn't take off her clothes, her mom used her hand, and she got spanked on her bottom instead of her vulva.

I was whipped this way until I was about 16. You wouldn't believe the damage it caused. You just feel violated, and that every shred of dignity is taken away. To this day I equate sex with pain, and this was a long time ago. My parents are passed away now but they were never brought to justice. I've never heard of anyone who was punished like we were. It was so horrible and painful I'll never forget it.

Jan 23, 2009
To Kim:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As you can tell, Kim, you are most definitely not alone. Although the above post can't change anything about what happened to you, knowing that others suffered the same fate and can now talk about it makes you feel less isolated. And we all NEED to talk about these heinous acts committed against us; otherwise, they will continue to go on in secret, and more children will suffer because of it.

Thank you for sharing your experience here.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 02, 2009
I am both glad and sad that I am not alone
by: Anonymous

thank you, thank you, thank you!! I am just trying to get to the source of what I consider my unhealthy humiliation sexual fantasies. My dad used to hit me with his belt. This was always done at the urging of my mother. The sight and sound of his belt sliding through the belt loops always generated fear, but it has not been until recently that I equated my private humiliation fantasies with the beatings I suffered until age 15. Thankfully, I am in therapy now. It is good to know I am not the only one who has been damaged by this socially accepted practice.

Note from Darlene: I understand you're "both glad and sad" position, Anonymous. Sad that it happened to others (and still continues); glad that is has been exposed. And good on you for seeking therapy; you've earned that. And thank you for posting what happened to you. The more people learn about the adverse effects such practices cause, the more likely they will change their mindsets.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 13, 2009
I've learned alot from what you've shared
by: maurice

Thank you, I had much confusion in my mind until you clarified it all by your honest sharing of your story. It has been most helpful to me and will help my understanding of myself a great deal.

Apr 09, 2009
How It Started
by: Joe

I remember the very first spanking I got as a child. It was at age four. I emptied a can of kitchen cleanser on the floor to simulate snow. My mom came into room and looked down at the carpet. I could tell she wasn't pleased. She just told me to come with her. She took me by the hand and took me to her bedroom. I still didn't know what was happening until she sat on her bed and, without saying a word, slowly took my pants and long underwear down. I stood before her, half naked, wondering why she was doing this. After a few moments, she lifted me up and over hep lap.

Then mom started slapping my bare bottom with her hand, and I still didn't understand why. It wasn't real hard or very long, but I didn't like it at all and started crying. She held me over her lap after stopping, but still didn't say a word. Then she took me down and pulled up my pants and underwear. I felt hurt and ashamed and kept on crying for a while yet. Then she told me to go to play, which was NOT something I was in the mood to do after being spanked.

What still bothers me to this day is the lack of communication between us at the time. She didn't explain that what I did was wrong, why it was wrong, and why she thought this was so bad that she had to spank me for it, (OR why she had to bare my bottom as well.)

Mom has been gone now for some time, but I tried to discuss this matter with her before she died. She couldn't remember this event, and told me she was sorry for it. Ther were other spankings growing up, and almost all of them were bare bottomed, either over her lap or standing up till age nine or ten.

It took me a long long time to realize how abusive this was. Now that I have, and realize that I'm not alone, it is much easier to cope with. I may share some other experiences from my childhood as well.

Jun 14, 2009
To Pam: been there.
by: Tara

Hi Pam. definitely know where your coming from. I was spanked till about 14, mostly by my step father. I recall several of them being nude, and in legs up position. covering up meant spanks to the vulva.

Up until i was about 16 or 17, I honestly though this was normal. Now I absolutely hate him for that. I hope it was worth it to him to loose his daughter's love and respect!

From Darlene: There is NO question in my mind that your stepfather sexually assaulted you, Tara. I can certainly understand how you feel about him and what he did to you. I hope you have a support system in place. And I hope you are able to talk to someone about what this man did to you.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir




Jun 15, 2009
being spanked on the bare or being nude is for sure very wrong
by: maurice

re-visiting my years of being spanked/corporally punished on my bare bottom because of the Ryan report on abuse here in Ireland is creating many honest feelings within me. The wrong in it, the sexual connotations it had for the evil one who bared my bottom all in the name of discipline. Yes it has lasting effects and I still have strong urges wanting to be spanked or to self spank but I have positive thinking when those urges come and I let them go almost immediately. But they sure are strong in me still. Reading through all the real/true to life spankings of the many visitors I am consoled that my feelings are not daft or unreal. Thank you. The hitting of that very sensitive area of the human anatomy male or female is sure very sexual in the hitting of each cheek which in turn makes the feelings in the genitalia very real and even thinking about what it did to the punisher of us in this way. It does bring very strong urges still so it sure was very wrong of all who abused us in this way. Letting go takes a long time but thankful I feel very strong now that with the sharing of it on Darlene's site and with a chosen few others who were beaten in this way has put it all in perspective for me. Thanks for all your support and real help in the sharing ever so openly and honestly with Darlene and her many visitors. She sure was a blessed visionary in setting up her website for us all. Thank You Darlene.

Jun 15, 2009
To Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your feelings are most definitely NOT "daft or unreal". They are very real to you; and that's what is most important in order to fully deal with your past. Because when we deny what we feel, we deny a part of ourselves and we pass judgment on ourselves, today in the present moment. Denial and judgment only serves to leave us in greater turmoil, and separate us from who we really are. From a truly spiritual place, Maurice, from the place of our soul and who we really are, you are perfect as you are.

It took great courage for you to admit what you admitted today on this site. So while the disturbing and damning Ryan Report released in Ireland last month has reawakened this turmoil in you, for you there has been purpose in its release. For without that report, you may not have been compelled to open up about this deeply private reality. And based on what you did write, it is important that you DID open up; you needed that release.

I know you know this, but I will say it anyway: On this site, you will NEVER be judged for such honesty or reality. I'm honoured that you shared this highly personal secret with my visitors and me, Maurice. Thank you.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Dec 08, 2009
Not Alone
by: Anonymous

Reading some of these experiences make me realize that my experiences were similar. Prior to when I went to school my mum would spank me on the bare bottom with her hand. After I was in school I had to strip nude in the living room and lean over the sofa while she spanked me with a wooden stick on the bum. I then had to stand there for 15 minutes to half an hour. I think the last time I was spanked I was 13 or 14. The spankings were less often as I got older and only about 3 or 4 times a year at the end. My younger sister would come out and watch if she was home and sometimes even with a friend if one was over. She too was spanked this way. If anyone came to the door we had to stand there and not cover up which was very embarassing because I faced the door. If it was a neighbor or someone to visit they would be invited in and even if she was finished she would spank me some more in front of them. I remember when I was 13 having to stand like that for a few minutes in front of 2 older girls that came to get something from my mother while she hunted for it. When I complained after they left I was told it was part of the punishment and the way to avoid it was not to do things that I would get spanked for. I also remember being home from University one weekend when my sister who was about 16 was spanked.

Dec 09, 2009
The effects remain on and on
by: maurice

Re-visiting the effects a spanking which was used as a form of discipline on me lingers on and on. I wholeheartedly aggree having been spanked does leave a feeling of fetishness in a higher percent than we imagine. Yes it was only when someone said it to me almost twenty years ago now that I had a fetish for it myself. Thankfully I took control and received help but sadly it raises it's unreal head from time to time even today at 63 years of age. Thankfully very slowly spanking or being beaten on the bare bottom as a child is regarded as abuse. Thank you Darlene for sharing your visitors cenception of the effests being spanked as a child can and does have on us. You're the best. I surely have been helped in a huge way from reading your professional understanding and also your very true replies through your comments to each of us who have shared their stories in your safe haven site with you. Most helpful for me personally.

May 14, 2010
OMG!! I'm not alone!
by: Anonymous

My parents "spanked" me & my sister for as far back as I can remember. My mother actually told me I got my first spanking at 15 days old because I just wouldn't stop crying. I remember she hit us with house slippers, fly swatters, switches, but her favorite was my dads'belts. This happened to one of us on a daily basis. Mom was the one who usually doled out the spankings but sometimes once a month or so, Dad would spank us. He would take down our pants and panties and hit us on our buttocks. He liked to wait until we misbehaved @bathtime so we were already naked as well as wet. He always insisted that he be the one to hit us in this situation. My father continued to hit me until I was in my mid 20s.The spankings stopped when I hit puberty & the abuse that looked more like spousal abuse began ie. throwing me into walls, hitting me in the face, jumping on top of me & hitting me..etc. I have had all sorts of problems one would expect an abused child to have Early sex(age 12), bulimia, cutting,promiscuity, teenage pregnancy(age 15), sex work, drug& alcohol addiction,sex addiction, and suicide attempts. I'm in recovery now from addictions almost 3 yrs @ age 33. I still strugggle w/ the bulimia and depresion but it's better thanks to LOTS of work. I always knew I felt violated ALWAYS!The people around me knew something had happened by the way I acted out. It wasn't until recently I recognized my abuse as not only physical but sexual as well. I was sexualized at age 3 by those naked &wet spankings. I was an obsessive masturbator from age 3 on up.This is not a coincidence! So to all of you out there that think it's ok to disrobe your children and put your hands on them in ANY way you're WRONG! Nobody wants to have a daughter who has turned out the way I have. I wasn't born a drug addicted whore, I was made one by the people who I trusted the most. I have forgiven my parents as well as myself( well mostly) I figure my parents did the best they could( they were also abused, my mom far worse than I) I don't think they knew any better. But if you come across this post or this site you know better now. So please don't hurt your children they just want to be loved. That's all any of us want. Today I'm a good mother who knows you can't show your kids love by humiliating and confusing them with violence.

May 17, 2010
Am I nuts for wanting this?
by: Anonymous

Moved to Can childhood spanking be administered because of or lead to a spanking fetish, as that thread is more applicable to the comment.

May 18, 2010
The effects of spanking still
by: maurice

Thankfully I have learned how to cope, with counselling and honest to goodness sharings with many who were equally disciplined in the way I was who have trusted me with their trau,atic living with the effects at vearious stages in their lives: How such effects linger on and on even having dealt with them makes me wonder Why? at times: It seems so right at the time that this person or persons are doing this for your good while not taking into account the damage they are building up inside: Oh yes spanking/beating on one's bottom has a lingering sting to it for years after with many re-percussions to worrying am I all right; Why am I still effected: Letting go is one thing but the lingering effects is much harder to let go: So spanking at any age is not healthy for any baby born:

May 19, 2010
To Anonymous re your comment titled "Am I nuts for wanting this?"
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You'll note that I moved your comment to another thread (see below for the link to that thread). If you haven't already, I suggest you read through the article, as well as all the comments on that page. I think you'll find that you're not alone. I don't believe you're nuts; I believe you're now dealing with the effects of child abuse.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir




Jul 02, 2010
I thought I was the only one
by: Tom

This site is amazing for me. I was punished by my mom and aunt from around 13 till 16. It happened every Friday night. I was made to undress and stand in front of my mom and aunt. I was told that being a male teenager I needed to be controlled to prevent bad things from happening. I was spanked by my mom first then my aunt then made to relieve myself to get the evil out of me. I sought help later on in my life as I could not have normal relationship and at the age of 40 feel a lot better about myself and my relationships.

Sep 20, 2010
Feeling trapped in spanking fetish
by: Y.Y.

I have a strong spanking fetish.

I am a female, 31 years old. I?ve never had sex. I did masturbate since I was a child imagining that I am being spanked. Sometimes I get really obsessed with it, then I am repressing it for months and don?t consciously think about it.

I am married to a wonderful man who is in love with me. We never had intercourse because regular foreplay doesn?t arouse me. I am too ashamed and afraid to tell him about what does arouse me.

I was hardly ever spanked as a child. I only remember one time and it wasn?t painful or arousing ? it just made me mad with anger.

My brother was the one who was spanked very often and sometimes very cruelly. Both by my mother and my dad. Sometimes they would beat him all day long with breaks in between. My brother had a mental problem and often caused trouble. When he grew up ? he began hitting my parents and I was in constant fear that someone would get killed.
When I remember these punishment scenes from my childhood ? I am not able to forgive my parents still. I live in another country now and didn?t see my parents for about 9 years. I talk to them on the phone often and I am planning to visit them. But I can?t forgive. They screw up my sexual development. I am not able to enjoy regular sex and I am obsessed with spanking.

For many years I had lived with the decision to never have any kind of sex and to devote myself to meditation. Then for a variety of reasons I got married and now I don?t know what to do. To allow myself to go with my fetish seems to me incredibly dirty. Besides a part of me feels that it is a crime to hurt my own body, to leave marks.

What should I do?

Sep 21, 2010
It is amazing: But a blessing: Why? I ask myself
by: maurice

It is amazing that this very morning this page should come back into my life: I say it is a blessing because for me I was able to re-read my honesty in sharing my strong and emotive feelings after the Ryan Report came out here in Ireland: What is ever so important to me is Darlene's comment: Once again her affirmation and words of support, love and help after my writing makes me very human in all of what I wrote back then: It is ever so rewarding to know I am not alone in this world having been spanked and having the feelings and the effects it created in my being: This page; this site is such a wholesome place to come and be renewed and refreshed in hope that I am normal, and it was okay to share my honesty with Darlene and her many visitors who were beaten and spanked on the bare bottom: I received a boost again in the way I have let go and how I still deal with the lasting effects of it all on my life:

Oct 15, 2010
Childhood spankings led to adult fetishes
by: Jennie

I remember getting spanked as a young girl by my father with the belt with my underwear down. Often times I would urinate out of sheer fear, which only made him more angry. This happened probably every other month since I was 5 (earliest I can remember). I remember always playing with my dolls and barbies and making them spank each other. I found a story book in the library that showed daddy teddy bear spanking baby bear and I was fascinated by that page, I always looked for that book in the library. I remember spanking a male childhood friend at about the age of 6, with his pants down behind the bushes.

As an adult, I found a man who would indulge my spanking fetish. I became terribly addicted to this man, even after the relationship ended, I felt he's the only one I could ever be with since he knew how to love me...by punishment.

I've spent years working on my issues, it's been very difficult. I stopped the abuse cycle with my children. I spanked my son once and swore I would never do that again, and I haven't. Anyone who thinks they are NOT harming their child through belt spanking and humiliation by having them disrobe is dead wrong. I only wish parents would stop the abuse. Please!

Jennie

Oct 16, 2010
A childhood/teenage spanking under the guise of discipline Effects linger on and on:
by: maurice

While Therapists/counsellors have told me that 75% of those who experienced a beating or spanking on their uncovered bottom are not effected: Deep down I believe that a good percent of that percent have still the effects of same but are in the closet about it: I can empatise with most writers to your Site Darlene: Even though I have coped with it in my own right including counselling I still find myself coping with the lasting effects it had on me: I have to put it in perspective each time and let go of it quite quickly: The effects linger on, that is why I believe a high percent of those who say sure we got a good belting/spanking/corporally punished It did me no harm: I doubt that to some degree that they are so sure it did them no harm: I sure hope that those who were far more effected than me by the spankings/beatings on there bottoms will continue to heal and recover and receive counselling for as long as they need it: I suppose a question for me is: Why a percent still are effected so badly with fetish orientations and wanting someone to spank them: Admittingly over the years that urge came to me. I put it down as a natural re-action rather than as a fetish or wrong: So I let go of it a quickly as it entered my thoughts: Got on with doing my best to have a healthy miond in a healthy body: I accept counselling is a need if such feelings are so strong that they have to be put in perspective: I empatise with those who have to go true the pain of same: What seemed an innocent acceptace by the child that been spanked.beaten on their bottom would make them better boys and girls was myth: WRONG WRONG WRONG

Dec 28, 2010
Life-long spanking fetish
by: Lee

I am a 46-year-old English male who has a spanking fetish which is so strong that I cannot get aroused by anything else other than spanking involving other males. The arousal only comes from the type of spanking which is administered to males as a punishment.

When I was around eight or nine years old, my mother took me into a room and told me to take down my trousers and underpants. I cried and refused to comply so she pulled them down herself, she then put me across her knee and spanked my bare bottom long and hard. I found this treatment crushingly humiliating and traumatic. The reason for that particular punishment was that I had allowed my clothes to smell of smoke by standing near a workman's fire whilst watching him burn scrap timber.

On another occasion, I remember her taking my younger brother into an adjacent room and spanking his bare bottom, his cries of pain and anguish made me feel utterly traumatised and powerless to help him. I screamed out and my mother came into the room and told me I was also going to get a spanking for screaming, and I got another bare-bottomed spanking.

She did not spank us very often but I'm sure those times that she did must have adversely affected me. My dad would also occasionally beat our clothed bottoms with his belt and I was terrified of him, he had a very nasty temper and he sometimes took it out on us. There was also corporal punishment at school, which took the form of clothed spankings, slipperings, being spanked with a ruler, and, occasionally, the cane on hands.


Dec 28, 2010
Life-long spanking fetish (continued)
by: Lee

I have never spoken about this problem to anyone in my life but I am deeply affected by it. I am extremely shy and have a morbid fear of humiliation and embarrassment. I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, panic attacks and general anxiety. I am unable to hold down a job, and I have never had a relationship or any kind of sexual encounter other than spanking another male in consenting role-play. I am pretty much a lonely recluse and have very few friends. I am caring, intelligent and erudite but feel like my life has been severely blighted by the derailed development of my sexuality. I have had therapy in the past but I did not speak about the real reasons for my problems - I find it virtually impossible due to the intense shame and embarrassment it would cause me.

My dad died a few years ago but my mother is alive and well. The dilemma I have is that I love her dearly - she is very good to me and there is no doubt that she cares deeply about me. I'm sure she never meant to cause me any harm, I think she just thought that spanking was what you were supposed to do when kids did something wrong - especially given that this was in the 1970's when corporal punishment was widely regarded as an everyday thing in England. Therefore, I would feel terrible about pinning any blame on her but I do feel some inner resentment towards her, although I could never talk to her about it.

I basically feel like the spanking fetish is something I'll have to live with until I die. I know that it's never going to go away as it's completely ingrained into my psyche. All I can do is seek out sexual release by masturbating or role-playing with other consenting males. I would never choose to have this affliction though.

Lee


Dec 28, 2010
The inner strength of a child: Especially the ones that have shared their abuse
by: maurice

This morning as I opened up This great and helpful site I was somewhat delighted as I saw for stories to be read: Alas to my surprize it was 4 of the same Sexual Abuse under the guise of spanking and discipline: John in the telling of your story you opened up our minds and hearts to empatise with you and express the effects on each of us who left loving comments what being spanked or beaten on the bare bottom had on each of us: I sure got great relief sharing my innermost secrets and thougfhts of my heart and the effects it had on me: I have down loaded so I can really let go once more of the lingering effects it still has on me: Reading once again Darlene words of comfort, help, encouragement, love, How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and go on with my life: Since my first sharing of my story each time I read her comments to her visitors and to me I get real encouragement to let go of the lasting effects my being physically abused on my bare bottom had on me. Oh yes, sadly I get overpowering feelings of the thoughts of how my abuser really felt each time he made me and the other boys undress and his pervertedness of putting us through P E with very loose shorts which inevitably expoesed our genitals and bare bottom with each exercise he put us through: I have let go with the help of talking it through with friends and a counsellor but still the effects haunt me: Darlene site for me is great theaphy and focuses me to let go, let go: I sure feel the better for reading her own overcoming her abuse and being a winner using her pain to empower me and each of her visiitors: I am certain the bottom is th most sensitive part to be abused simply becaiuse the thoughts of the humiliation of having it exposed for a beating and painful after such spankings or beatings is vivid each time the thought surfices in my mind: It is good for me to let the thoughts flow away almost instantly: Thanks Darlene I sure am grateful to you for re-assuring me and all your visitors that I we can live outr life to the full: These words of yours truly re-assure me: I want you to believe in yourself: You are worthy You are lovable: You are deserving of dignity snd respect: You do have a purpose: the world is a better place: Because you are here: This I do believe Darlene: No one believe's that more than I do: You say to me: and each of your visitors and at the beginning of a NEW YEAR what better words to each one of us: Believe in YOURSELF: Invest in YOURSELF: Your too SPECIAL not to. From victim to victory My story can help you find that hope: John in the telling of your story you helped all of us to trust this site and Darlene in letting out the secrets of our heart about the effects abuse has on each one of us: It also helped me to acknowledge Darlene as one great visionary when she set up her website: Thank You

Dec 28, 2010
To Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

First of all, thank you for all your accolades and for being such a dedicated, supportive and encouraging visitor to this site. You've helped make it what it is today.

I'm writing for another purpose today.

I see you've commented on this thread as a result of having been notified that there is another comment here. But the newest comments were not yet published by me, so therefore you will miss the actual new comments until you are notified of the next ones after (in this case, my comments to you). I hope this isn't confusing...you see, the system of automatic notifications for all of these postings is send out to those visitors who have opted to be notified, but often times they are sent before I ever have the opportunity to release them. This is a flaw in the system that doesn't appear to take priority with the programmers; there is nothing I can do about it. Whenever you receive notification of a new comment, may I suggest you check to see if the the latest comment has a recent date attached to it. If it doesn't, I suggest holding off with your comment until you can see a new comment with the current date, otherwise you will miss the most current one. Keep in mind of course, that you will be notified of a new comment even when I've deleted it (again, this is because the notification goes out no matter what). In other words, you are often commenting on these older threads before you've had the chance to read the new comments others have left. Lee is an example. If I hadn't posted something here, you would not know that Lee left 2 comments dated today, December 28, 2010. I thought you would want to know all this given that you like to leave comments throughout the site for visitors who have commented themselves.

I hope you and yours had a lovely Christmas, Maurice.

With kind regards,

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Dec 29, 2010
Thank you too: You are the bestest:
by: maurice

Thank you Darlene; Much appredciated have a great new yars beginnings and continued success to your wonderful work and website

Dec 30, 2010
Excellent professional reading resource suggestion
by: Anonymous

I'm honored to have been allowed to share my child abuse journey of healing on this site you have graciously created Darlene. The particular psychological damage to sexuality from spanking is important to understand despite the sometimes droll repetitive almost obsessive discussion it seems to invite. I will not expound much further so as not to offend the true spirit of this wonderful site educate the culture of humanity to an ignorance harm of child abuse parenting culture would rather deny and ignore because it's socially accepted to live with this condition, a damaged sexuality of a person that has enough self control of it to not harm another child but is neurotic about it anyway. I used Darlene's site now with the few brave victims who come forward here with their own admission of sexual damage as a legitimate reference to prove to the unbelievers that such a problem exists.

I have finished reading an excellent professional psychology book on this very subject by a well respected psychological counselor here in the U.S. This book was written for the lay public in terms they will understand that explains how and why this form of child abuse damage occures in children. It's a short 150 page paper back book which is quick to read. You may preview parts of the book at Amazon. This resource will help support professionally what Darlene brought up and I responded to regarding spanking being a form of sexual abuse for some children. Here is the authors name and credentials: AVERIL MARIE DOYLE, she is a clinical supervisor for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, the American Board of Sexology, and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. The book is called: Regression: A Universal Experience.

Thank you so much Darlene, please know how much I admire and respect you I never wish to be percieved to misdirect the intention of your wonderful site from its true mission, sparing children through education the horror of a damaged childhood from child abuse!

Apr 11, 2011
re : YY and Lee
by: Scott 1

I dont know if youll get the notifications but Ide like to say to the above contributers, YY and Lee, that I too suffer similar effects. Masturbation to the fantasy replay of being spanked, as a child ..this until climax, always! Consentual spanking of peers as a child also. The heart pounding thrill of pulling down pants. Any book story or spank drawing was a thrill when I was a kid. Overhearing and witnessing other children getting it and the panic and anxiety of not knowing if Im next. I dont know if it caused arousal but back then I didnt know what that was anyway. On one hand I am so frustrated with my mother for letting this teacher get away with it, or the betrayal of her giving that woman permission to do as she saw fit. I want to vomit. The shame, anxiety and fear of even small crowds. What a mess. Its hard to forgive anyone for what was done, and this was all legal and normal in public schools back then? If so why wasnt everyone else getting it!!! Imagine getting your first real spanking in front of all your class...now imagine the shame of getting your first bare bottom spanking in your life, in front of all those kids too. You cant tell me there isnt one of those children/adults today that doesnt remeber that! And no one had me transfered out of that class. Its insane. What a lovely poison we must now carry.

Apr 12, 2011
Under the Guise of spanking for Discipline
by: maurice

Darlene: your Your excellent professional Site: with your excellent professional but Natural Heart words comments has given me hope ever since I first related my being spanked under the guise of discipline and my the comments I have expressed my true feelings in reality. (the Truth) Re-reading the stories and your comments once again sure affirm me and I have no doubt John the oringinal writer of Such Honesty: that was an empowering comment to him: for me especially: It gave me real hope hear is a site with a steward so professional that she speakss the truth from her heart about the ongoing reality and effects a spanking can have on our minds who receieved such humiliation and loss of our dignity at a vunerable stage's in our maturing from childhood, adolecence, young adult as many indeed were as I was spanked into my late teens: Thank you John, Mark, Anonymous and there wre a few: Scott: Kim: YY. Lee: All your honesty in telling your story has helped me: Your empowering, loving, caring words in comments left are so honest and the truth: What a safe place: How blessed and lucky we all are to have a Steward of her site: so professional: so honest knowing she too came from being victim into victory over physical punishment's Excellent Professional Reading by Anonymous Dec 3. Yes I have benefitted from same through the years: I hope I can trace and find the book regression by Avril Marie Doyle: I have been saved, made normal in how I had to cope with the personal effects being spanked, beaten, once the word humiliation concept was used: That sadly for me began a deep in built fear that there was something radically wrong with me the times I masturbaed imagineing and reliving my spankings with this beast of a man sitting or standing over me beating my very dignity and self respect out of me: At the time that part of the spanking never entered my equaision or thinking: It just happened, he was in control I undressed when ordered to, bent over his knee's as a child up to 13 and then touch your toes, over a bench, the endo of his bed to expose my most intimate to a brute, a stranger, a sexual pervert; Thankfully through this site I have normalized my humanity, natural accepting into a normal living male once I learned from the counsellor: yes and the honesty in the telling by each visitor to your site Darlene: Thank You Darlene your site has with your humane, truthfull heart feeling words helped ME: I am grateful as I too journeyed through much of all these wonderful people had to work through: I am eternally grateful to one and all: The very strong effects from those days linger on but it is great I am not alone: That for me persoanlly gives me assurance and a positivity in living my life naturally and to the full:

May 16, 2011
spanking/sexual violation
by: Anonymous

I didn't look into this thoroughly until recently but no question that my mother was addicted to spanking. When she got me totally compliant and had no more excuses to spank, she then routinely performed enemas. It was quite a revelation to find out this is also sexual abuse. She also wanted to spank other peoples' children! her comment occasionally was "She should PUNISH him!" in a tone that made my spine tingle. I'm sure this was acting out some childhood drama, no idea what but it doesn't matter.
Key for me is realizing both parents were horribly abused and feeling some compassion for them which is a step toward forgiveness. Very freeing; also keeping in mind that in spite of the abuse which they acted out sometimes on an instinctive gut level, they also gave me some good things, so they were also trying in their own way to heal and recover. But they had way too much to overcome in their own lifetimes. It also helped me to think that possibly I chose them as parents, to learn and experience what I could not otherwise......maybe far fetched but maybe not.

From Darlene - Webmaster: Anonymous, I don't usually comment on comments (not enough time), but I'm compelled to here. I couldn't agree with you more. You are awakening in more ways than you might realize; and then again, maybe you do realize. To be open to the possibility that you may have chosen your parents is a radical thought to many, but not to me. I believe each of our souls are on a journey, a journey to evolve through the experience of being human. To have been victimized by your parents, and then to realize what you do now is nothing short of extraordinary. We are kindred spirits, Anonymous. I just wanted to say so.


From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 16, 2011
Messed up
by: heep

I feel so sad about my spanking fantasies which have consumed me since I was very young. I wasn't beaten by my parents but when they divorced when I was 7 years old, I was sent to a government boarding school. This was in Africa and the schools were run on the British system which meant a caning for almost any offense. The one male teacher would carry his cane around with him wherever he went and he even had a name for it ("Togo"). We were always caned in front of other people which I found very humiliating but at least we had clothes on.
One day, at rest period after lunch, I was whispering to the boy in the bed next to mine and the female teacher on duty caught us and summoned us to her room. She borrowed Togo and I was first to be called into her room. She asked me to pull my shorts and underpants down and bend over the bed after which she applied the cane to my bare bottom.
I don't know if it was that instance which has caused me to seek canings but I do know that as young as 11 years old I was trying to get into situations where I would get caned.
I have done that even after school by going to professional women for canings, the harder the better.
Needless to say, I have had no self esteem for most of my life and have almost ruined my marriage as a result of this wish to be beaten. I think of it nearly every day and feel such an outcast in society.

May 17, 2011
stop the cycle of one's fantasy world it ain't real anymore
by: maurice

I am certain a quarter of all thoese who were spanked, beaten, caned, paddled on their bare bottoms ended up for a short time in a whole fantasy scenario world: I did for a time but I found it was a silly time of my life: I certainly never went near women or men who wanted money for each whack they gave me: I could not afford it anyways: Yes, I searched for people with the same fantasy for a time, found a number now and again: As I said for me it was a silly period in my life: I am certain there are many out there who have given up that aspect of being spanked/caned etc as a child: Having accepted it was abuse want to heal from same and live a normal healthy life: I can understand a very small percent like the las comment going crazy with his fantasy and saying the harder the better: Hid hard earned money paid for a messy pained bottom: Money he could share with his wife and family in love and appreciation of their understanding: Thanking them for easing him away from such a fantasy: Some form of counselling is needed for such people obsessed by a fantasy: Having a healthy mind in a healthy body is one sure way of naturally overcoming a fantasy:

May 19, 2011
*disbelief* the mind simply boggles @ this!
by: My Two Cents

I think Pam and Tara, you both wrote about how you were spanked on the vulva (whipped is more like it) by your parents,& stepfather. When I read that...I thought it was April 1st when you posted it.

My background is in social work and for a long time, I have been debating with myself about returning for a masters degree. I came to this and three other sites to see what was new in child abuse. I can tell you, when I was in school for my BSW degree, nothing in ANY child abuse text ever mentioned this type of spanking. I went back and checked the books I still have. Not much about spanking and nothing about spanking on the vulva anywhere.

I googled, "child abuse, spanking on the vulva" thinking I would find one academic study about this. Nope. I did find a forum for mom's who believed in discipline through spankings.

I almost fell off my chair to see a thread where a mom said she'd heard of this form of discipline and ASKED how to do it. Honestly, the lengths people will go to in order to "punish" their kid. That was shocking enough, but someone who experienced it actually answered the question! The mind boogles....

What I don't understand is that this seems to have been a popular punishment in the mid part of the 1900's like 1940 and up.....why isn't it in any social work text books on child abuse? I know times change but there's no way this should have been overlooked.

Just so confused by the lack of info. I heard about it for first time on here. I appreciate info but it should be in textbooks too so social workers have info.

Hope someone answer. Thanx!

Be well.

My Two Cents.

May 20, 2011
questions
by: Scott 1

we all have questions. I wont judge another on their fantasies. Personally I lost the desire to be abused by my teacher/a teacher ..scenario when I got into adulthood. Maybe Im a lucky one. I wont say I dont have questions and am confused by the events of my own ....."upbringing" but I have no need or desire to be pysically assaulted by anyone. Moreover anyone wishing to do such a thing to my person wouldnt be doing so to my inner child, but me, as an adult and they had better be prepared for return fire. I have no wish or desire to dress as a schoolboy and have a woman dressed as a teacher to do any reenactments. Maybe Im just lucky. One thing for sure is that if a person had a "spanking fetish" and wanted desperatly to enjoy free reign over small children then a school teacher was the thing to be back in......??....I dont even know the years. When was this ok? I mean if stripping a child nude in the classroom and beating them was legal, when did it become illegal? I cant find a single peice of paper or document explaining either. Perhaps it was one of those unwritten things. Just make it up as you go along. One would think though that perhaps one other teacher or a principal would object and maybe fire these unstable teachers back in the day. You cant tell me they didnt know what was going on. Who gave them free reign to do as they please? Its a circle of questions leading to more questions. Where are the answers? I guess Im rambling again.

May 20, 2011
No one has the right:: nothing excuses: any form of physical discipline
by: maurice

A child is a child: A teeneager is a teenager: No one has the right even Parents with a weird sense of disciplining their children: Any form that degrades the dignity of the child/teenager/adolecent in the disguise of discipline is very wrong and is an abuser: My Two cents you sure are right in educating Pam/Tara on what they wrote about eing spanked(whipped) on their vulva: abuse: abuse big time: as it would be if it were a male chld/teenager: How a parent especially a mother could agree I am going to discipline my child this way: He/she must have been spanked similiarly: A deffineate NO NO: A Parent is an out and out abuser and in no way could possibily try tojustify the humiliation of an innocent child/teenager in this form of spanking/whipping in the disguise of discipline: Thank You My two cents worth for making Darlene's many visitors aware that such a form of discipline is used by a very small percent of sicko parent/abusers/child molestation: Very animalistic/beastly especially on the innocent and vunerable child.

May 22, 2011
....what to call this reply??
by: My Two Cents

I think I should have written, KIM and Tara at the start of my previous post. Not sure where I got "Pam" from.

I guess should try and organize my thoughts. To me, "spanking" is a swat on the clothed bottom, done by a scared parent in response to a child attempting to dart out of the yard and into traffic. Maybe a bare bottom spanking punishment in response to hitting another child, especially if the other child was hurt. I mean with the hand, period. Those examples, I can understand the logic. I don't agree with them but I don't place them in the category of "child abuse" either.

On the other hand, some people write about being spanked with belts, extension cords, paddles, baseball bats (????), a marinet whip (????) Not just on the buttocks but on the vulva or penis/testicles as well. What in the world???? There's no way doing this to a child isn't abuse. I could see these punishments for a convicted child molestor, an axe murder, etc. But a child??

How did we get to this point? I think it's one of those cultural things that *everybody* did but no one talked about it. In that environment, it was easy for a few perverts to hide their "punishments" or to make their "punishments" more painful, humiluating, etc.

Regards cultural norms, in usa south, slaves used to be horse whipped so giving teachers the ability to cane kids might not have seemed that bad. Then we go to bare bottom spankings and somehow or other bare frontal spankings. I half hope someone researched the history of child discipline in the new world (north america) but I'm afraid it would bring back the "traditional" methods of punishment. Bad idea.

Random thought - I understand that some discipline is called for, but in Kim's story, she wrote about being spanked/whipped on the vulva with an object at 3 years old. She didn't say what she was being disciplined for (doubt she remembers) but what kind of issue could she have caused at 3 years old to require that kind of discipline? Part of me is thinking it just way for parents to get their jollies by hurting her.

So, we have severe, humilating, sexualized punishments done to younger and younger kids. What exactly are these parents/teachers/etc trying to accomplish with these punishments? Seems just a "legit" way for them to see their kid naked and bawling with tears. Stupid. Kid grow up and hate parent. Now what?

Sorry ranting. The topic just boggles the mind. I definitely need pay attention next time parent say, "I spanked Suzy last night for ....." And check into what "spanking" means to the parent. This thread helps bring that awareness to forefront of my mind.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

May 22, 2011
Not all parents are conciously aware
by: John

I'm commenting once again only to explain on this thread that not all parents are being psychologicaly motivated by a sexual fetish to spank their children. My own mother I'm convinced was based on body language comming from her. I'm convinced a parent who spanks their children can create a sexual spanking fetish in a child and not have the sexual fetish themselves since not all children will develope a sexual fetish to spanking.

The worst situational case I've come in contact with are the many parents who believe their is NO cause and effect between their own conscious awarness of their own spanking fetish and the potenntial to creat one in their child. I have met online sadly some parents who DO make the association and believe if they spank their children and it creates a sexual fetish in them it is harmless.

To that end, I wish to here now repeat the suggestion of a very important professional resource book published just a few years ago that explains HOW this sexual disorder is created in children from the abuse of spanking. Please pass this on to anyonne who is of an open mind in questioning the safety of spanking a child.

Regression
A Universal Experience
Averil Marie Doyle

A scientific work made accessible for lay readers without sacrificing its technical and scholarly underpinnings. This book presents regression as a universal and necessary process. This work describes how parents, educators, therapists, and medical caregivers contribute to mis-learning by failing to recognize and understand the sensitive nature of learning and the remediative process of regression.
Graphic descriptions of severe, moderate, and mild cases of regression are presented. Doyle challenges the notion that regression is only a psychological defense utilized by a limited segment of the population. This book combines concepts drawn from learning theory, neuroscience, neuropsychology, child development, and trauma revival in an unprecedented manner, and aims to stimulate interest in and exploration of regression as a phenomena that transcends diagnostic categories, one that recognizes the continuum between normal and abnormal associations we all form in the process of development.

AVERIL MARIE DOYLE is a Clinical Supervisor for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, The American Board of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She is author of Delusional Relationships (Praeger, 1992) and The Sexually Disturbed (Praeger, 1992).

May 23, 2011
a question raised in my mind: When does child abuse begin and at what age does it become something more:
by: maurice

Darlene sure has provided a platform: A Safe Place: a Theraputic site/place where each one who was (is) abused can share their pain and the effects of abuse in whatever form where a child as young as two years and as old as 12: Yet because they were abused within these years they are still working it out in a child's mind from teen-years adolecent years young adult Adult years: Basically until they get help through counselling to make sense of it all: I have become more aware of what the abuse of another is all about since arriving on this site: Under the great and good stewardship by Darlene with her own turning pain into power leaving the vitim stage into victory: I have accepted the abuse of Child/teenager/adolecent is a no no: EVER. Adult fear: adult power, adult control over the innocent will never justify abuse of the innocent and the vunerable: My two cents: I like very much your honesty as I have known many who have given a swat on the clothed bottom or slap across their little child in order to safeguard them from danger or make them aware of danger: I een still observe that in super-markets today: I don't regard that as abuse: I know for certain many others who observe that would say she/he is abusing that child: My two Cents you open up a real dialogue in your recent comment: When a child reaches the use of reason any form of discipline can be named as abuse in my understanding: The child is aware that there very body is being violated and there dignity is being evaded: Control/fear/are uppermost in their minds: letting their abuser who is bigger than them letting them it's ok don't tell anyone: don't let me down etc: That is abuse big time: Staying with what is abuse rather than going into fantasies or fetishes connotations being put on adults who abuse little children is a whole new conversation for me: The Big man that beat me on the bare bottom was an abuser: That I am certain of since I accepted he had no right to order me to drop my trousers so he could get his thrill beating my bareness out of so called discipline: There are still many out there My Two Cents believe children/teenagers should be punished disciplines in this way: A spanking is only with the hand on the bare botom: I then believe corporal punishment takes over once instrument come into play: Different Culture's I don't believe can be used as a reason for such abuse of the individual child/teenager: That can never be justified: Mans/womans inhumanity to on each other sadly plays a big part in child abuse:

May 23, 2011
To My Two Cents & Maurice Part 1:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm in the middle of back to back trips and don't have a great deal of time, but I feel I must speak up here. I will get right to the point.

Maurice, you and I had a discussion much like this one in the past through comments on this site. I'm sure none of what I'm about to say will come as a surprise. But I need to be clear once again.

My Two Cents, I understand where you're coming from since it is not illegal to spank. Nor does it fit within the legal definition of child abuse. And the fact that you're about to embark on a career in the field makes things a bit different in your situation. However...and this is a huge however...on this site, lauding spanking will not be permitted. Period. And the reasons why are in Part 2 that follows.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


May 23, 2011
Part 2 - To My Two Cents & Maurice
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

One, I have a personal belief that ALL spanking of children...let me repeat...that ALL spanking of children is violence and therefore abusive. As I mentioned already, I recognize that does not fall within the legal definition of child abuse, but that does not preclude me from speaking out against spanking.

Two, I have in the past given some minor free rein when it comes to this subject, permitting visitors to say in essence what the two of you have said in your comments. The backlash was swift. I was inundated with emails. Many visitors felt betrayed by me because they were adversely affected by being spanked. Some shared their stories of even just one spanking that left them completely and utterly humiliated and hating their parents for what had been done to them. They had finally found a safe place to speak out about spanking without fear of others highjacking the various threads on this site, without fear that those who believe in spanking would have a place to speak in favour of spanking. These visitors relayed how disappointed they were that the one place they thought was safe was no longer. Not when it came to the issue of spanking. I agreed with their position.

Three, the very act of even a single swat aimed at a full-fledged adult who can protect him or herself would be considered assault and punishable by jail time. Yet our backward laws permit much more than swats against the smallest of those in our society, all in the name of so-called "discipline". Rubbish.

There is SO much more that I can say, but I'm almost out of time. The fact is, I've said it many times in various threads on this site already. Maurice, you've commented on just about all, if not all of them.

So let me be very clear here...please refrain from lauding spanking of children in any form on this site or from speaking to the idea that parents can spank safely or properly. This is an idea that I find both disturbing and absurd. This site is a safe place to share about the ill effects of abuse as well as violence taken against a child, and that includes spanking. There are countless other places online if that's your position, but this site isn't one of them. For me to permit further discussion about the so-called virtues of spanking or even just a whisper that it's somehow okay to spank for some "offenses" is to disrespect so many that have felt safe on this site to share about the ill effects of having been spanked as children.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


May 23, 2011
Part 3 - My Two Cents & Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'll close by saying that I do appreciate with all my heart that the two of you are so incredibly supportive to so many who post here. Each and every day I am so grateful to the two of you (and others) who do post encouraging comments to contributors here. I'll never lose sight of that. But I must draw a line in the sand on the issue of spanking. I thank you both for all you do to make this site what it is for so many who visit, and I trust you'll both understand my position on this highly contentious topic.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 24, 2011
Forgive me: Never My intention to upset anyone by my comments
by: maurice

Thank You Darlene: I admire, resepct and value your comments to me and My two Cents: I sure never wanted (ever) to upset and cause you getting a flood of emails: It does prove being spanked as a child is more worryin now with the after effects it has on those still effected by having been spanked: It is a violent act on a child: Thank You Darlene: I concur with your professional and educated knowledge of the effects on the innocent and the vunerable: I too will be more sensitive should I comment ever again:

May 24, 2011
To Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I do thank you for your understanding. I also understand if you decide you don't want to comment on the site again. Your decision would in no way diminish your contribution here, which has been substantial.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jun 10, 2011
oh dear....
by: My Two Cents

I am sorry, I've been away from commenting recently. I wasn't aware there was an issue.

Maurice - I loved debating with you. You (and the others) make me think things through.

Darlene, I appreciate the opportunity to debate and think this through. I find trying to figure out the implications of spanking as abuse as opposed to discpline incredibly interesting. None, NONE of this ever came up in my soc work textbooks in the mid 90's.

I never meant to encourage spanking or agree with it, and I honestly had not considered the long term impact on people who were punished in this manner, seeing anyone debate it and try to figure out if it has a place.

I hope everyone's well and nobody is too upset with Maurice, Darlene or myself.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

From Darlene - Webmaster: I DO appreciate your understanding, My Two Cents. Given the amount of time that's gone by since this became an issue here, and given you hadn't responded, I wondered if you were left feeling...well, chastized. I really did intend my response to be informational, especially given the nature of my site and the fact that this is one of the few places where visitors who've suffered the ill-effects of spanking don't have to worry that someone who lauds it will get a voice here. So again, thank you for coming back and saying that you've been away. I very much appreciate the supportive and encouraging comments you continue to give to the contributors of this site. You AND Maurice are a tremendous asset here, and I, as well as others value both of you more than I can express.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jun 11, 2011
We are family with darlene on her site sitting at the masters table:
by: maurice

Darlene your heart comment to My two cents is so beautiful honest and from that great big heart of yours: Chastisement that is a word now one does not hear alot about these days: Goes back a number of years since I heard it being used: You sure did not come accross to me as if you were chastising me and I am certain My two cents will agree there: Anything but: I will always value, highly resepctt your womanhood, your professionalism: From being a victim into victory from abuse you sure enlighten, empower, educate, make feel good in hope to me and all your visitors especially to me who was spanked/beaten on the bare bottom: I value greatly all the knowing effects of same on whoever was abused physically in this way; Yes, you sure opened wide the debate btween me and my two cents to the level you taught me a great lesson that all forms are wrong are abuse: I am most grateful to you for that: Why then for so long did so many feel this was the only way by parents: Guardians: Deans of discipline in institutions etc act in such a manner to discipline in this way: Or believe that this was the right way: Surely and sadly many are still feeling the effects of such degrading of their dignity from having had there bottoms spanked or beaten: Even here they made a distiction: spanking is one form: beating or being corporally punished takes on a whole new scenario of abuse: But yes, Thank you: No matter it was all wrong and was abuse of the innocent and the vunerable: Sadly even Christian and other Faith's accepted as being right: We know now it was out and out abuse of the child/teen/adolecent; My two cents thank you for sharing your real hearts thoughts on the debate: I value them because between us Darlene enlightened our minds greatly on so many facets of spanking and the after effects on so many of us when really and truly we were not to blame: Darlene: I still cringe now when I hear a parent still in 2011 threatening their child with the dreaded wooden spoon: Darlene I sure have been helped by finding You: Your safe haven site ever so well stewarded by you for each of our good: Much Thanks:

Jun 13, 2011
The gift of a Friend: The Love of a Friend:
by: maurice

Darlene: my two cents: all who left loving, undersatnding stories and comments on this I just say a sincere thank you: I am a much stronger man, in my accepting that I was abused in this way; I leave any after thoughts of the effects go in a wholesome, holistic natural way and I sure don't dwell on all the negative stuff that I had to deal with it in my healing process: Your empathy Darlene with each of us who were spanked or beaten is so empowering and re-assuring: We're OK, we can live ful lives after dealing and healing through forms and levels of counselling: God Bless you wonderful and gifted Spiritual Being going through the human experience of life like us all:

Aug 21, 2011
echoes
by: Anonymous

I am sorry to read of such misery and pain and marvel that people want to continue living. Its too much and too complicated for me to deal with. What happens in a hospital and is given the name of 'treatment' or 'operation' is often impossible to distinguish from abuse, especially if you are a child. Powerlessness, terror, pain, dependency... your life in the hands of someone hurting you... and then later on at school, corporal punishment... and even if you are just witnessing it, your sexuality is corrupted for life. Fortunately, I don't hurt anyone, I don't have anything to do with children, I'm not in a relationship and I don't have a job. I really don't understand the point of life... but know some lovely people, and I try to do some good things for humanity.

Aug 22, 2011
LOVE will be your winner: You'll be fine because you want to be loved
by: maurice

Reading the last comment from anonymous again reminds me of the hopelessness a child finds himself/herself when they are at the mercy of their abuser: Being innocent, vunerable and captured in their presence for the duration of what ever form of abuse but in this case Sexual Abuse under the Guise of spanking for Discipline:
Anonymous with all who shared their personal feeling and the truth about the ones who abused them: We know now that no one has the right to take another persons dignity away: No one was there to protect us when we were being humiliated: Made to feel little: We were powerless, stuck to the floor, could'nt move, could run away and make a scene so that someone would stop our abuser: feeling powerless, when our (my) dignity was taken from me: Orders the adult is knows best: Do as you are told: Take down you trousers bend over my knee, don't put your hand back or you'll get twice as much Fear, hurt, scared in such a vunerable position as a child/adolecetnt: Thinking our abuser was right we need to be disciplined: Yes later at school the watching the other being beaten and humiliated does and did have it effects on one's having a healthy mind on ones sexuality: Sadlt for many these effects stems their persoanl growth for years until they decide to get help and be councelled and even then the ghosts of those beatings haunt them: Anonymous please get solace from all who have shared comments and especially Darlene's one: Yes, you are still hurting even though you say you are not hurting no more: I felt inner pain being expressed in your words: Hi Don't Quit: Don't give up on yourself: Know when one's feels they are at the lowest ebb at times just remember the only back is upp: ALWAYS BELIEVE: That you are Amazing: The architect NOW of my own destiny. Beautiful both inside and out. Dynamic: Ever changing ever growing. Enthuastic: About living and loving. Kind hearted; reaching out to others: Lovable: Exactly as I am. Optimistic: anything is possible. Unique: Unrepeatable. Say I'M SPECIAL AND I LOVE ME:

Sep 21, 2011
male spanking fetish feet fetish feet in my face
by: Anonymous

Im in my 50s now and have a male feet fetish since age 4 and spanking fetish by age 7 owing to a sadistic public school system where paddling with wood paddles was constant for any and no reason and the fear that went along with this sick place. 6 years of it. Not so bad in middle or hi school.

Got involved in male feet and spanking conduct as a youth with other youths. By adult hood is channeled in into spanking a teen boy relative I was raising.Later I began getting paddled school style by adult friends who were sympathetic to my perverse sexual inclinations; feet in the face; paddlings bare bottom etc etc; several adult friends all at once during separate visits to me; 4-5 different adult male friends paddling me bare for several years.

I stopped all of that for 5 years. briefly resumed for 2 years and have been completely inactive in the above behavior for 22 years now. Inside though old memories of the school abuse plus my own memories of adolescent and adult spanking/paddling fetishes; feet fetishes continue to trouble me . the desires come and go whenever they feel like it. I am trying hard to avoid any talk of these topics in any context with other people.

Inside I suffer because these sexual desires are pronounced and deeply rooted. i expect thay will follow me to the grave eventually. No relief in sight. Who can you trust for therapy for these things???

Nov 01, 2011
My Story
by: Anonymous

When I was three years old my mother grabbed me right before a bath, put me over her knee, pulled my panties down and hit me. I don't know why. I don't remember any misbehavior at all. To me it felt like the ultimate rejection and humiliation. She was proving to me that I was nothing. And from then I felt like i was molested. I couldn't get this out of my head. Especially because it happened more than once, and she would threaten me with more spankings all the time, in very graphic terms. She seemed to get pleasure from humiliating me. Which is interesting because she was sexually abused as a child and always told me she is proud she did not become a sexual abuser. Yet she somehow made me feel molested from her terribly shaming form of spankings, which I believe gave her a sadistic pleasure. As a young child I kept this secret from others and felt that if I wasn't careful people would see it on me that I'm really the scum of the earth like I felt. Then at age eight my mother chased me down trying to spank me, this time after a bath, and I fought her off. After that I developed a spanking fetish. It aroused me constantly, while I felt waves of shame and guilt. I felt I had become what my mother did to me. But I was compelled so I thought about it and masturbated. It had become a sickening form of love. And when I think about it, my mother often ignored me, and this was the only time she touched me and in a strange way, it felt good. And then terrible. Always followed by terrible. I am in my mid thirties and for the first time shared this with my husband. I am in therapy but have a hard time talking about this in graphic terms to my therapist.

Nov 01, 2011
Therapist
by: John

Hi Anonymous I found even after therapy that some degree of my spanking fetish remained. I had dabbled in the activity with seeking to do the same for a breif time but stopped that and only take some occasional indulgence of it now thru literature, art, or fantasy. This fetishes compulsion/obssesion desire varies from victim to victim, and I was told and experienced does diminish more with age. That's because it's a sexual compulsive disorder and as one's sexuality diminishes with age so does the fetish. Therapy helped me greatly for the buried sense of sexual violation abuse which was dissociated completely from the fetish. I would experience post tramatic stress disorder from certain memories of punishment from my mother while taking therapy though not always in the presence of my therapist. By actually reexperiencing some of the trauma of certain childhood spankings that came in flashbacks which were painful emotionally and frightening it slowly broke down some of the dissociation and the child regression feelings that accompanied my fetish. The wounded inner child emotionally that was trapped in my adult present age body met the adult man I presently am and it made me feel whole as a person again for the very first time in my life. I too can still get fetish compulsion attacks of feeling like a child and seeking adult female authority figures to verbally and physically abuse me but I can now control those feelings and relieve them in the manner I previously described. I continue to speak out against this subtle form of sexual abuse that remains denied. I recommend finding a clinical therapist who absolultely believes that spanking can create sadomasochistic fetishes that for some harm their sexuality for life. Some clinicians remain ignorant or skeptical of the latest findings on this subject.

Nov 02, 2011
victim or not
by: Anonymous

Where do we go from here? At what level do we take responsibility for what happens to us? Are we just victims?

My life seems like a complete waste of time and is largely experienced as an exercise in the endurance of anxiety and misery. I believe I must have brought this on myself.

The beating of children is very corrupting. Maybe I was guilty of this in a previous life. Does the spanking fetishist have no choice but to experience their sexual gratification through the mental pictures of punishment; the genesis of which is a child being abused?
I have often thought that it is better to be sexless than to indulge this fantasy and addiction. That is the only level of responsibility that is left for me.

Nov 05, 2011
Going from here
by: John

Hi Again Anonymous,

I suggest as long as you understand the harm and never shame or hit a child you should find some peace with the fetish. I'm not sure how to suggest that as I understand as sadomasochims go victims polarize either to abuser or abused. For myself I'm the child who desires to be spanked by the female authority figure so any mental thoughts are of myself experiecing it so I'm not threatening to another. Those dealing with spanking as sadism I understand would have a greater problem. I suggest two things, find a competent therapist who understands the psychology and how to help you specifically and two finding the negative emotions and channeling them into a cause be it small or great to end parental or other caregiver spanking. I don't recommend doing that until you feel better from help first though as it takes some emotional strength to face a world of ignorant parenting abusers and challeng them legally and respectfully. Both suggestions could bring more meaning to your life and healing! Good luck!

Nov 05, 2011
Hello My Story
by: John

Thanks for sharing "My Story", it's important for us to be able to share the very damage to our sexuality here on this site without the scrutiny of some many in denial. It's healing to know we are not alone in our harm and damage as it brings to new validation of our abuse when we are faced with family and strangers who dont want to believe this harm is real for some people.

My wife has had to endure a long period of time watching me go thru dealing with my once hidden from all problem, first believing the lies from people who embrace a spanking fetish as normal and natural. She is as much a changed person as I for the truth we both now realize. Good luck with your husband and therapy!

Nov 05, 2011
to anonymous victem or not
by: Scott 1

Wow ..I couldnt have said it better myself. Its hard to add anything to your statement anonymous. Though through my own miserable existance I have found fragmented bits of contentment in the things I do, the good I do for others. Somehow it "masks the pain" of this relentless soul virus. Or eases the guilt I have for having something that I didnt want.

The constant anxiety and shame at having an infliction that noone understands and is too embarrassing to talk about or admit. And only the anonimity of the internet offers the safety to express the pent up frustration in search for answers. Understanding. How sad is that.

Who the hell were these people to do this to us thus leaving us like this. I grown man cant even do a perfectly natural thing like masterbation without the invasive mental residue. Its not fair!

We were robbed.

The person who invents the cure that erases this "thing" from our brain will be rich. And we'll be free! Funny thought..I wonder how many would choose not to take the meds or have the operation. Those who enjoy their fetish, those who spread this crap to us in the first place when we were children!!!

Dec 27, 2011
Witheld Spankings
by: KP

I was surprised to find that I identify with some of the experiences shared here. My father verbally and physically assaulted me and my other siblings. I "blacked out" during these (not sure the correct term) and don't remember most. My siblings tell me about different scenarios, I have scars, and sometimes I remember bits and pieces.

The most humiliating experiences that I DO remember are when my father would become very angry and would order me to strip and lie face down on the bed with my feet on the floor: bent over with my behind out to him. He would take off his belt as if to whip me then just stand there for up to ten or so minutes. He wouldn't whip me. I didn't know what he was doing - it didn't sound like he was making any noises - I can't imagine that he was doing anything other than staring at my behind, but who knows. This happened until I was 13.

I was - and still am - a compulsive masturbator, beginning from age three (that I can remember). I would hump my desk in school, or the floor at home, tug on my panties or use a "personal massager". As an adult, I would often go into supply closets or even be late to work.

I'm 34 and haven't been able to be with men sexually unless they have done something to me "without my consent" (without asking and without any indication from me that I was giving or not giving permission). I often fantasize about these various instances and wish for other men to take advantage of me. Of course, that's considered inappropriate, so I continue to be sexually frustrated because I can't initiate, consider, or consent to sex.

I never thought that this could be due to my childhood experiences, and perhaps it isn't. But these situations with my father were very humiliating and I didn't find myself sexually aroused when they were happening, or when I think of them now.

Dec 30, 2011
Withheld spankings
by: John

Hello KP,
You will never know the mind of your father in those punishment memory moments, it is possible he was using the extreemly negative emotion of shame to punish you without physical pain infliction. I've studied the psychology of emotions involved in punishment, human behavior, and sexual abuse to understand they are all interelated. Your father may or may not have been aflicted with a spanking fetish himself, but it's certainly possible he by his own childhood punishment experiences was acting them out unconsciously. If you wish to learn of more psychological understandings that create your problems with your own sense of sexuality I offer to excellent references that can greately help you understand how your sexuality was abused and damaged in childhood. Both books are available for purchase or might be referenced in public librarys. The first reference I share has the author actually himself make the error of believeing spanking a child has only mild temporary damage pscyholgically,with the emotion of shame, but if you study his explaination of how damaging sexual abuse is to a child with shame you will clearly see again that he fails to understand how spanking with forced partial or full nudity is very common with most parent spanking. The second reference is an excellent book that connects the dots between sexuality and shame which is where I sense you find the most in common with this issue of spanking as being sexually abusive. You will find the childs sexual development as it relates to it's parent is the key, including an understanding that children of both genders have sexual feelings for their parents which naturally change and reshape as they develop and sadly whose normal process is disrupted by the parents violating sexual invasion of the childs sense of self sexual intimacy. If you find these helpful please let me know on this site if you will.

“The Psychology of Shame” Second Edition Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes author Gershen Kaufman PhD, Springer Publishing, Inc. 1996

“Sensuality And Sexuality Across The Divide of Shame” author Joseph D. Lichtenberg, The Analytic Press Taylor & Francis Group 27 Church Road Hove, East Sussex BN3 2FA 2008 PIB Psychoanalytic Inquiry Book Series Vol. 25: Sensuality and Sexuality Across the Divide of Shame

Good luck healing!

Dec 30, 2011
complicated
by: Anonymous

Thanks for your feedback John. Psychotherapy is a big subject. Which approach would you recommend for this problem, the one I seem to share with you? Yes, there can be no peace for me while child abuse persists in the world and I do nothing about it. In my own way I am doing something about it. Its not just about spanking.

I don't pursue spanking as a sexual fetish. The mind game 'story' of receiving (submitting to) discipline, in the form of a painful caning across the palms by a strict and loving maternal figure, always brings me to orgasm, but it doesn't have anything to do with sex or even reality! There is the broader question of why anyone would want to experience pain (and to be broken down) and share these feelings with another; expose the inner pain.

Its deep psychology. Terror associated with abandonment, chaos, hospitalization, clinical torture and the complete shutdown of feeling and communication with parents... might have something to do with it.

Perhaps there is no past and no future. All of this stuff is happening now and I wish it wasn't.

Dec 31, 2011
Complicated
by: John

Dear Annonymous,

You do sound tormented by abuse from your past, sadomasochims comes in many forms, and the sexual parts are not always recognized, as the emotional feelings if eroticized are creating also deep senses of feeling loved or loving if it's sadism. I'd recommend trying psychotherapy to get in touch with the grief of betrayals involve in the abuse also. The book suggestions are just meant to help make sense of how it all happens, they can't replace a therapist who can guide you into looking into the pain of it, facing it, and feelings new feelings of compassion and care where right now there are none.

Jan 22, 2012
I have so many fetishes.
by: Mark

The ritual discipline dished out by my mother has left me so many sexual fetishes. She was a very controlling woman who believed in very strict discipline. My father never ever laid a hand on me or played any part in my upbringing. She also terrorised him for over 50 years before she died last novemeber. My mother spanked me a lot. At the very least it was on my bare behind and at some point I would always be naked.there were times when she really thrashed me with a bamboo cane, but usually she used her slipper or a wooden hairbrush.I started from about the age of ten having sexual feelings about my discipline. At that age I hadn't got a clue what was happening or what these feelings were. I just knew that I found them pleasurable and that I shouldn't tell anybody else.I can trace my early fetishes to mother's strict house rules. Initially I got very excited by feet, being made by mother to take of my shoes and socks, she absolutely did not allow outdoor shoes in the house, we did have carpets.So age 10 I to get excited by this. Believe me if she ever caught me in the house in shoes she really would whip me. Even to this day I cannot walk into my house without taking my shoes off.  I also started to get excited about being disciplined and sent to bed early. When I got spanked I always got sent to bed early.she always punished me in the sitting room and after she had spanked she always ritualistically had me fetch my pjs and put them on in front of anyone who was there. Sometimes I would get stripped off before I got spanked if so afterwards she would make me walk to our downstairs airing cupboard and fetch my pjs come back and put them on, to this day I can still feel the humiliation of those intense moments.for me being sent to bed early, sometimes very early was not a punishment but a relief. From around 11 I pleasured myself continually when I was sent to bed. When mother found the tell tale marks on my pjs she would whip me again.and so it went round in that inevitable pavlovian cycle.Professionally I worked in a very senior capacity with the victims of serious sexual abuse.in reality this was mothers and their children, I will say that my experiences pale at the side of some poor peoples experiences. But that doesn't diminish the impact that my experiences have had on my life.during lovemaking I am unable to perform without having erotic thoughts about spankings etc.My mother died last november and I didn't feel a thing. I've not grieved and I don't need to.I don't miss her. But her legacy is much more than that.

May 06, 2012
My parents shamed me
by: Kenty

As a young boy my Dad regularly spanked me for even the smallest misdeed. If I protested it was terrible disobedience. Why do you have to make me naked I asked I hate this, that question was so terrible that my clothes were ripped off me.

Jun 07, 2012
Adults need to stop dodging the sexual aspect of spankings
by: Jeff Mark

When adults are able to, we need to directly talk with others who say it is good for children to be spanked and paddled. If we can, we should try to explicitly raise the sexual aspect of corporal discipline. I think most people who abuse children by punishing them with spankings never are forced to talk about how sexually humiliating their punishments tend to be.

I once listened to a mother describe how she is "very careful" never to make her kids' corporal punishments unnecessarily embarrassing. The discussion took place between parents at an otherwise pleasant and polite large picnic that included lots of people I did not know well. I was appalled as I observed other mothers and fathers listen very calmly to her explain how she always takes her children into either her bedroom or the child's bedroom for punishments. As if bragging about how reasonable she was, she made it clear that she made her sons and daughters undress for a spanking "only in total privacy", since for serious misbehaviors she required her kids to get completely undressed before she spanked, paddled, and sometimes "used the belt on them."

Her oldest was a son who just turned 15. From what I could hear, she had one more son and three daughters, the youngest boy entering Middle School in the Fall, where he then would be in school with an older sister. She had five children, from age 15 to "almost 10." She made it clear that all punishments were given with pants lowered or skirts raised, and that she often "only pulled down" their underpants rather than actually punishing them totally nude. She noted that she punished her kids over her lap each time, and often made them stand up for part of their punishments.

I should have told this woman how awful such punishments were for me as a boy, but I was so angry I could not speak. Parents like her need to be helped to admit that when they spank their sons and daughters, they are causing very distressing sexual feelings that can last a lifetime.

Jun 07, 2012
Punishments cause confusing fetishes for many
by: Jeff Mark

I experienced the boyhood humiliation of being spanked bare bottom far too often by a woman who at other times seemed genuinely caring toward me. It happened when I was old enough to have full awareness of the fact that my penis was not only exposed, but also erect. I don't recall being fondled, but my nudity often was prolonged, which felt awful. I purposely try not to recall the details. Such spankings and belt whippings made me feel only humiliated, teased, mocked and abused. Many times I was not allowed any sort of "total privacy", but had to comply while other kids and adults were told to "look the other way for awhile."

I regret now that I did not speak up and ask the mother who was talking with other parents, "Did you ever ask your sons and daughters how 'private' they feel when you pull down their underpants?" I was so outraged that I knew I could not have been polite or controlled, so I chose to say nothing. I wanted to ask her if she ever made a point of evaluating whether her older kids were sexually aroused as she spanked them, whether her daughters showed signs of arousal, and whether her sons had erections as she spanked and paddled them. I wanted to tell her that her sons most definitely did not feel any "privacy" as they stood totally exposed, or lay across her lap as she pulled down their underpants.

I think at least some abusive family members, neighbors and teachers might stop the abuse of children if they were forced to admit to the sexual consequences of corporal punishment. To spank a child, especially undressed, and less than an hour later - maybe only a few minutes later, make a silly face at the boy or girl, and try to cheer up the spanked person, is just plain bizarre in my opinion. I often was warned that I better stop crying, or I'd be punished more.

It became obvious at an early age that I better accept my punishments, then act soon after as if my spanker actually cared about me, even loved me. I was supposed to be a nice fun boy soon after getting spanked, even when I was punished with a leather belt totally naked. I have had many confusing sexual fetish desires as a result of this. Frankly, I think I sort of turned the memories into a sexual fantasy that I could pretend was enjoyable.

I have sexual fantasies of getting spanked by an attractive woman I can trust, always in an embarrassing way with my underwear down, or with me forced to strip nude in front of her as she holds a leather belt that she'll use to spank and whip me. I'm sure my childhood spankings are the cause of these fantasies, and I think that is a rotten part of my childhood and later sexual development.

I forgive my abusers, but only with great difficulty. Sadly, forgiving how I was abused does not take away my fetish for getting spanked hard by a trustworthy woman.


Jun 07, 2012
yes
by: Scott 1

I agree, yes, and in my case a woman teacher.
a poem perhaps...

playground school bell rings again,

rain clouds come to play again,

has no one told you shes not breathing?

Hello,

Im your mind giving you someone to talk to...

Hello.

If I smile and dont believe,

soon I know Ill wake from this dream.

Dont try to fix me Im not broken.

Hello.

Im the lie living for you so you can hide,

dont cry.

Suddenly I know Im not sleeping.

Hello,

Im still here.

All thats left of yesterday.

Jun 25, 2012
question
by: Tigerlily

Would you consider it abuse if a cousin isolated each of us cousins, coaxed our pants down, spanked us, and possibly more? This happened from my age of 6 months and on. I am not sure when I told him to buzz off. I don't remember a ton, but I KNOW that a handicapped cousin who is 15+ years older than I am liked to isolate us relatives, get us over his knee (bare-bottomed) and spank us whenever he could. I couldn't tell my family, but they made it clear that, at age 7 or so, I was responsible for keeping an eye out for younger relatives. Help please?

Jul 13, 2014
Sexual Abuse?I think I sexualized it myself?
by: Jeff

My mother used spanking as discipline from the time I was about 4 until I was 11 or so?? As I recall it was a fairly ritualistic event with most spankings taking place with me in a standing position. I was never told to lower my pants and underwear it was yanked down prior to my spanking. Most of the time I would be in a standing position, occasionally it was over one or both knees. Rarely I was flipped up by my feet or be laying face down on a bed. Her favorite implements were kitchen utensils, the favorite, a large rubber spatula. If on the bed it was one of my dads retired belts that hung in my closet on a hook. This was all bad enough in and of itself but she would add humiliation to this anytime she could or if I wasn't complying quick enough by threating to take my pants down and spank my bare bottom in front of whoever was within earshot(and often eyeshot too). The only thing that was worse than the threat is when it actually happened, and sometimes it did. Talk about embarrassment and shame, you can't imagine. So now I am an adult male and totally hardwired to this "fetish" or paraphilia", what ever it is. I am so okay with this now I can't image my life without it. I'm happily married and have kids. I am proud to say I did not follow mom's discipline plan and my kids are incredible young adults now. I have often wondered if talking to a professional might help me put closure to this, in my own mind. My wife is absolutely convinced my feeling were caused by these traumatic events.I am fairly sure this affected me in several negative ways, although as everyone always says, "It didn't hurt me I turned out just fine".

Jul 26, 2014
Pedophiles Spanking Nude Children
by: Adam S

I wonder how many parents and teachers that spank children, get off on it. Sexually. And how many of them were pedophiles and got away with it ?

Jul 28, 2014
Been There Done It
by: Anonymous

Beginning in Grade 1 public school paddling was a common event for minor matters: sloppy paper, talking, F on a workbook, and the like. One kid was paddled for standing up out of the chair.

Grade 2 was less severe. grade 3 more so. Started to experience an early fetish. By then desired to be paddled by other kids similar in age.The paddling culture continued in the upper grades. A certain teacher was a sadistic brute that paddled kids mercilessly.

The fetish continued up through adulthood.It's a struggle to control but nothing has actually happened in say 2 dozen years although flashbacks continue and urges especially when half awake.
If you are suffering from this beware: giving in to it or feeding it will NOT help. You will become MORE enslaved to it and desire more and more from more and more different sources.

Anonymous.

Aug 28, 2014
Difficult Subject
by: Anonymous

I too suffer from a spanking fetish that has been with me for as long as I remember and I am in my late forties.

In my family, spankings were very ritualistic. My mother and father divorced when I was about five years old. Mother struggled to raise my sister, brother, and myself. I think she was very angry at her situation and unfortunately she took some of that anger out of on us. Typically, if she deemed our misbehavior serious enough she would make us wait until after dinner. Than, we would all gather in the living room and she would announce that one of us was in trouble and she would describe what either myself, or my sibling had done. We were than made to pull down our pants in front of everyone and bend over Mom's knee. She would usually spank us with a wooden paddle, but I also remember her using a belt folded in half and a couple of times a switch she had gotten from a tree outside. The spankings were drawn out affairs with lots of tears and comments from Mom asking whether we were learning our lesson. Sometimes the spankings were bare butt. Other times she let us keep our underwear on.

I was probably spanked at least a dozen times this way and my siblings were treated similarly.

I know this is responsible for my current fetish. I still remember the feelings started as a child when I was being spanked that way.

Please parents, find other ways to discipline. Spanking is harmful whether you realize it or not.

Sep 19, 2014
Fetish , 29 and never kissed
by: Anonymous

Im 29 years old. I was spanked since i was young. Not often, but i was bare bottom, and i started master-bating/ having a major spanking addiction since i was 6.

I remember humiliation , being scared to death, and extreme anger.

I now am only turned on by men older than me. Much older than me. I cant have a relationship because i am not attracted to guys my age. And the only way to feel turned on is when i am mad at myself and feel the need to be punished.

Im lonely and sad.

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E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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