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Relationships after abuse

by Jennifer Bell-Lang
(Grand Isle, Vt. USA)




ummm...

ummm...

Hey, another night time thought...how can I have healthy relationships with people now that I know what unhealthy ones are.Hmmm...Well, I'm not sure what to say, I married a really great guy who came to get me every time I needed rescuing but I can't seem to rescue him from himself. I know he has suffered quite a bit of his own but I'm not sure that I'm strong enough to carry both of our burdens for the the two of us. Oh...I'm scared and tired. Any opinions?
Thanks,
Jennifer




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Relationships after abuse

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Feb 18, 2008
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Baggage
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Horses and mules carry other people's "stuff," but humans can only carry their own. He's on his own with his baggage, Jennifer. You must come first in your own life.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Mar 01, 2008
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Glad you asked...
by: Linda

I just discovered this web site and I feel like I have found some great new friends.

I agree with Darlene, Jennifer. We think we can carry the load for others--but all we do is keep them weak.



Jan 07, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Still here
by: Stephen

Im still here for you. Being apart has hurt my soul more than anything. You cant go through life being afraid of letting people in because you have been hurt in the past.

Love always,
Your Husband
Steve
May 15, 2010
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		New relationship/she was previously abused
by: Drew Kelly

I am a very loving man. I want to learn how to be a better man for the woman I am in love with. Her Ex husband mentally and physically abused her and her children.She is almost divorced now. He is a real loser and doesn't even have anything to do with his children(2) One of which is not even hers.In fact He left him with her.Anyways I just said that to kind of paint a picture.I have never been in a physically abusive relationship but my ex wife was mentally abusive to me. So together with her children and my child we have a family of 7. We are so great together so much of the time but I have noticed about 2-3 times a month I will say or do something that triggers some type of mood/reaction from her and the rest of the day is a downward spiral. I hold her and console her to the point that I feel like I am walking on eggshells and need to do everything her way so that she does not feel she is being controlled. She knows I would never hit her so she is not worried about that. How or what can I do to help our communication skills. I want to be able to do things I want to as well as what she wants.

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