Relationship Violence Story From Sam1

by Sam
(United Kingdom)

Psychological, Physical and Sexual: 
I came across this site and I wanted to share my story. It's quite disturbing but what I want to say to all the women out there is, don't think he will stop if he says he will. Please go to the police and protect yourself, as none has the right to abuse you in anyway.

I was 19 (I'm 28 now) and I met a guy. I was from a very strict family: no premarital sex. This guy was charming. He swept me off my feet. I thought I found Mr Right, but 6 months down the line everything changed. It started with a slap, then went to a punch, and then went to bruises everywhere. I'd cover them up but I was lying to myself. Never had I felt so alone or afraid in all my life. I was a strong-willed woman but he changed me into another statistic of battered woman.

He began demanding sex from me. When I refused I was raped. I couldn't speak to my family as I was too afraid, and he began telling me I was ugly and that no one would want me. I believed him. He was so controlling. He cut me off from all my friends. I sank deeper into depression.

At age 20 I wanted to get away from him but he kept telling me he would tell my parents that I was a slut and that I was pregnant. I wanted to get into a hole and bury myself. How could this dating become my worst nightmare?

He began hounding me with phone calls. He even knew where I lived and my house number. I just gave into him as I began believing him. When I met him, I was so afraid of what he would do to me today. I wished I was dead. I even tried to kill myself, as the shame I had brought on my family weighed heavy on me. I tried 3 times. It never worked.

It was really hard for me to leave him, and for 3 years I suffered in silence, until I met a friend. I told him everything. I never told my partner I was talking to someone. He used to be with other women and I'd stay quiet. he even introduced me to one of his friends who was a single mum. He said he was helping her out. I believed him. What a lie. It was one day I woke up and I thought to myself: Do I want to live in constant fear from this man? Luckily I got back in touch with some of my old friends and they told me walk away.

Finally, I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. It took me 6 months but I did it, so if you are in the same situation, please take my advice. They never change.

These are my 10 tips to move on: (hope it helps)

1. tell him/her it's over
   
2. get a new look: hair, makeup, clothes, full works
   
3. change your number
   
4. get a restraining order
   
5. love yourself
   
6. start socialising
   
7. avoid any places where you and he/she went
   
8. be independent
   
9. believe in yourself
   
10. don't contact him/her

Life is what you make it. Now I've been in a relationship with my new partner and we are very happy. It's been 3 years and he knows everything I've been through. He admires how brave I was to stand up and fight back. It's taken me years to open up, and talking about it is better as you feel better.

I'm currently having counselling and therapy. It's a long road but I feel better in myself and have set out goals where I want to be. My ex never let me work or learn to drive. I'm doing both now, and I feel on top of the world as I'm becoming independent. I wish to study law, which I will be doing shortly. So what makes you weak today makes you stronger tomorrow.

If anyone is going through any abuse please write me through a comment on this page and I'll do my best to help you as I know it's hard to do this on your own. Sometimes you don't want to speak to close family or friends. Please don't suffer in silence. Speak up.

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