Relationship Violence Story From Sam

Relationship Violence Story From Sam

by Samantha
(Granby, Quebec, Canada)

I am thirteen. A couple months ago, I had a boyfriend and I really loved him. Twice he made me run away from home. He said that it was because he loved me. On the second time, he wanted us to have sex. At first I thought I was ready, but I realised I wasn't. So I tried telling him that. I thought that if he loved me he would understand and wait till I was ready. But he didn't. That's when I realised that all he wanted was my body and that he didn't really love me. I won't go in the details....

After I went home, I told my mom and she called the police. But I was so scared that my boyfriend would be mad at me that I denied everything.

I feel it's my fault because I could have screamed to wake up someone to come and help me. I feel so stupid for thinking he was in love with me. I'm always scared that it will happen again.

If you're a victim of physical abuse or sexual abuse in a relationship, don't keep it to yourself. Talk about it.

Darlene's comments are at the link below.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are strictly prohibited.

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Relationship Violence Story From Sam

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Jan 19, 2008

It wasn't your fault
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You must stop blaming yourself, Samantha. You were scared, and because of that fear, you stayed quiet. That does not make it your fault! You did not consent, because you said no. There is no gray area when it comes to consent. The answer is either "yes" or it's "no." "No" does NOT mean maybe. If you're wavering, the answer is "no." When you told him you weren't ready, he should have stopped. Period!

I hope you are getting some form of counselling, Samantha. A professional could help you to get past your fears. And of course, the support of your family is critical during this time—I'm so glad that you were brave enough to tell your mother. Telling protected you from further abuse. And thank you for sharing what happened to you. Your story could help someone from finding themselves in the same situation.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jan 20, 2008

love or just sex
by: Anonymous

usually they do tell you its because of love. I know, the same happened to me, so i know where you come from and how it feels. But be strong, someday you will find Mr. Right. I did!

May 02, 2008

Not Your Fault...
by: Elaine Riley

Sam! I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You are very brave, and very mature to write about it. It is also very kind of you to want to share your experiences with other people.

A good thing is that you are still young, and have plenty of time to grow, to learn and to make changes in your life. It is true when they say that time heals!

I am in no way belittling what you have gone through. Nobody should have to put up with the treatment that you received from your "boyfriend". What he did was very cruel, and very insensitive. It was abusive! The simple facts are, that when a person says "no", they mean "no". This is the case, even if the person takes a while to say "no", or has to think about it for a bit, or seems uncertain. If the answer had truly been "yes", then it would have been a clear "yes". Nobody has the right to interpret a person's uncertainty or indecision as "yes"; in these circumstances, the safest interpretation is "no".

It takes all sorts of people to fill a world. Some are pleasant; some not. Some are kind, caring and respectful; some are not. As you grow up, you learn more about life, about situations, and about people. Sadly, you have learned at a young age that people can be hurtful, frightening and intimidating. They can be dishonest and hard to trust. They can manipulate you through your feelings, and "use" you to fulfil their own desires. The effects of what happened can take a long time to heal.

What your "boyfriend" did is now recognised as something called "date rape". More and more people are becoming aware that things like this DO happen. You are NOT to blame.

I have a "room" in OpenSpace on this site at Elaine's Room, where I have written about MY experiences. You might like to take a look at this room, to see if there is any information there that might help you.

Talking about what happened can help, as might Counselling. It might also be a good idea to tell someone you trust what went on. An understanding person will be able to reassure you that it was NOT your fault. You acted the way you did because you were scared, confused... It is WRONG for someone to have taken advantage of you in this way; and WRONG for someone to have tried to take advantage of your lack of maturity. I am NOT saying that you are immature, or babyish, but rather that (aged only 13) you were too young to defend yourself properly against a manipulative older guy. He should have known better!

I hope that life provides you with lots of healing opportunities to meet nice, kind, caring people, who respect and love you for who you are. Take care of yourself, and look for help. All the very best...

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May 02, 2008
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Submitted by: Elaine Riley

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Comment
Sam! I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You are very brave, and very mature to write about it. It is also very kind of you to want to share your experiences with other people. A good thing is that you are still young, and have plenty of time to grow, to learn and to make changes in your life. It is true when they say that time heals! I am in no way belittling what you have gone through. Nobody should have to put up with the treatment that you received from your "boyfriend". What he did was very cruel, and very insensitive. It was abusive! The simple facts are, that when a person says "no", they mean "no". This is the case, even if the person takes a while to say "no", or has to think about it for a bit, or seems uncertain. If the answer had truly been "yes", then it would have been a clear "yes". Nobody has the right to interpret a person's uncertainty or indecision as "yes"; in these circumstances, the safest interpretation is "no". It takes all sorts of people to fill a world. Some are pleasant; some not. Some are kind, caring and respectful; some are not. As you grow up, you learn more about life, about situations, and about people. Sadly, you have learned at a young age that people can be hurtful, frightening and intimidating. They can be dishonest and hard to trust. They can manipulate you through your feelings, and "use" you to fulfil their own desires. The effects of what happened can take a long time to heal. What your "boyfriend" did is now recognised as something called "date rape". More and more people are becoming aware that things like this DO happen. You are NOT to blame. I have a "room" in OpenSpace on this site at <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/elaines-room.html">Elaine's Room</a>, where I have written about MY experiences. You might like to take a look at this room, to see if there is any information there that might help you. Talking about what happened can help, as might Counselling. It might also be a good idea to tell someone you trust what went on. An understanding person will be able to reassure you that it was NOT your fault. You acted the way you did because you were scared, confused... It is WRONG for someone to have taken advantage of you in this way; and WRONG for someone to have tried to take advantage of your lack of maturity. I am NOT saying that you are immature, or babyish, but rather that (aged only 13) you were too young to defend yourself properly against a manipulative older guy. He should have known better! I hope that life provides you with lots of healing opportunities to meet nice, kind, caring people, who respect and love you for who you are. Take care of yourself, and look for help. All the very best...

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Relationship Violence Story From Sam

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