Relationship Violence Story From Rachel

by Rachel
(Location Undisclosed)

Story of Abuse and Assault: 
When I was 14, I was physically abused by my first boyfriend I had ever had. He loved to use me as his punching bag, and then claimed that I was "making a big deal out of nothing" and that I shouldn't be mad at him. Even when he dragged me down two flights of stairs with my pants and underwear halfway down my legs. I still have scars from where he had thrown me against walls and from when I was dragged down the stairs. He also thought it was ok to touch me in ways that I knew I didn't want to be touched but I was afraid I would get hit again so I stayed silent. After I finally got away from this guy, I couldn't deal with what had happened to me so I began cutting myself and I was extremely depressed. After a little while, I was in my choir singing and a different guy in the choir started touching me inappropriately and I had been taught by the fists of my ex boyfriend to stay silent, so I never told a soul. Finally after a year or so, I had gone numb to everything that had happened to me and thought I could overcome it on my own, until two of my good friends who I had trusted molested me at a party and I couldn't get away from them because they were too strong, about twice the size of me at least, and continued to touch my genitals, my breasts, and my butt. They also came up behind me and pushed me against walls and touched me freely since I could not break free of their grips. I went home feeling dirty, depressed, and horribly betrayed. I'm 19 now and I am still feeling the effects of everything that has happened to me. I have been to two different therapists and I still feel like I am being significantly effected by my past abuse and assault. I have a really hard time trusting any guy and I don't even like being hugged by my father because it makes me think of how all of the other guys I have trusted have touched me, even though I know my father would never do such a thing to me. I'm just trying to slowly recover from everything that's happened. I'm making progress, but I still have a ways to go. Thanks for listening.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Rachel

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Feb 03, 2012
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Firstly, I'm so proud of you for seeking out help for your Self. You realized you needed help, and then reached out for it. Don't give up on that process. Rather, when you go a session, go in with an open mind, a mind that is willing to work on an emotional level for healing. When you allow your Self to feel, really feel, the emotions you've been burying—and do so in a safe environment—a remarkable thing will happen: the emotions will let YOU go. You also need something else, Rachel. Young women who have been assaulted are at risk for further assaults and abuse by others who enter their lives. You need to learn a safety plan, and understand what risks there are out there. I'm not saying that you're to blame...just the opposite. None of what happened at the hands of these assaulters is your fault. They are to blame because they chose to abuse and assault you. Always remember that. What I'm saying is that there are ways you create boundaries to help keep your Self safer. I can understand why you would never trust another guy. You've been violated in the worst of ways. But not all men are like these sick creeps; you know that on a logical level (namely, your father), but it's on an emotional level that it all falls apart. There are many wonderful men out there. Start by working towards lifting your self-esteem and self-respect. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love, Rachel. Start by treating your Self with that dignity and respect and love. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
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