Relationship Violence Story From Nallely

by Nallely
(Las Vegas, Nevada, USA)

Even as i speak im still living with the horrors of my memory of what once was an abuse. It was physical and emotional. Sometimes i read other stories and notice much more happen to them then what happend to me. But then i realize I Was In an Abusive Relationship. I hope this might help others struggling with the same things i was and am struggling with. Everyday i would live in constant fear not knowing if he would show up at my house and what i would have to do to get away from him. I used to think me and him where destined to be together, he was the most amazing boyfriend i ever had. After a month with him i has head over heels over him. So i was stupid enough to move in with him. He did everything for me, wouldnt even let me raise a finger. After a while i had to go to Mexico with some family. He stayed and i left him for almost a month. When i came back thats when things took a turn for the worst. He would start be-little-ing me. Telling me i wouldnt do anything for him even though he never let me. We would get into really crazy arguments and he would emotionally abuse me. But the next day he would apologize. After that it seemed like everyday we would fight. But then one day i got really bad at what he had said so i dared him to slap me (i honestly still think if i hadnt done that he would have never hit me) at first he didnt. But then he slapped me and i said "if you ever do that again i will leave you" so he apologized and swore never again. The next day we got in a fight and again and again. About a week later we both got heated and i started yelling and he pushed me down to the bed. I got up and as he was about to push me again i put my hand to cover my self. For some reason a lot of what happend that night kinda got hazy. All i remember is him punching me in the arm then me standing on the bed telling him to calm down but that made him even madder. He pushed me down and started kicking me and telling me to get up. We both calmed down after that. The next day he apolgized and promised never again.The fights continued,I swear i didnt even notice what was going on. After a while i moved in with my brother and my boyfriend in a new apartment. For a while it seemed calm. The i found out he cheated on me when i was away in mexico. He denied everything. Weboth got yelling and he locked me up in the bathroom so i wouldnt leave. Until i convinced him i wouldnt leave him even though i knew i would. He finally told me the truth. The next day after school when he was at work i told my family i was leaving him and i never saw him again.

To this day i still love him in a despicable way and everyday i live with myself knowing what i went through and not even knowing what was going on...

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Nallely

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Mar 18, 2011
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You were trapped in the cycle of violence with this guy. It's no surprise you didn't see what was happening. Most victims don't, because the control and manipulation starts out subtle, and is often mistaken as caring. When someone wants to do EVERYTHING for you and not let you do anything, it's a sign of controlling behaviour, behaviour that will eventually escalate. When I speak at colleges on this subject, I try to impart on the audience, many of whom are or were victims of such violence, that the victim believes s/he loves the person, but in reality, it's not love, but rather, the person is in love with the IDEA of what that abusive partner can be. This is usually cemented in the honeymoon phase of the cycle of violence, when the abuser is lovey-dovey and makes all sorts of promises, most, or none of which are kept. Trust me, Nallely, he would have struck eventually. You see, guys who don't hit women don't hit them even when they're provoked to; they walk away. You did the right thing getting out of the relationship and leaning on your family for support. Now you need to seek out some form of counseling to help you deal with the effects, and to help you identify why it is you see such a man attractive in the first place, and why you would try to provoke a man to slap you. You deserve better than that in your life. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

Mar 18, 2011
here for you
by: Heavenleigh

I have been in the cycle...a few times...didn't see it as I was 'introduced' earlier...

It is hard to deal with...I admit that I love the person still...different kind of love and the next 'major' after that (father of my oldest).

I will always love him in a way...I am not in love with him.

I know that you will always feel for him but know that those feelings will dissipate and eventually not be so hurtful. You were stronger than I to be able to walk away, in my case he had to go to jail for me to get free from him.

Best of luck to you dear, Keep your head up and know that time will lessen the 'scar'

Mar 20, 2011
by: maurice

I will; I can: I must: NALLELY if you truly believe it was not your fault, you did nothing wrong in all that happened you in abuse then you will follow Darlene's footsteps for you to be a winner over your abuser: Be Brave: Be Stong: have courage and when you start some form of counselling you'll be fine and you'll put all you wrote here to Darlene in perspective: She sure wants what is best for all her visitors but know you are special to her as she has written you her personal comment on what you related happened you by your abuser: She treat each of her visitors very genuinely and her comment is her womans heart feelings to you peronally: You'll be a winner: Live our life to the full: Surround yourself with a few close family and friends who'll love, honour, value, respect you for the great and good person you are in their life right now: Go, for it Nallely, have a healthy mind in a healthy body: think positive thoughts about yourself: Act positively in all you do and say about yourself: That means being positive in how you live one day at a time making progress in your recovery and healing from your abuse suffered at the hands on one who did not give a damn about your feelings or how his abuse would effects you: Be safe: Stay Safe:

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