Relationship Violence Story from Ms Anonymous Part 1

by Ms Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

I didn't know yet, under what circumstances did the jerk marry me, but I married him for good looks. (Yeah, I was shallow once upon a time). I just thought that he'd be quite a catch for someone very ordinary looking. Oh well, people marry for different reasons right? The worst was that I never loved him, and still don't. But the reality was that we tied a knot together, although we could clearly see in each others' eyes right then, that this ain't going to work for long.

So anyway, once we were married, lightening struck my heart when I realized he hadn't still gotten over his ex. He was still talking about her, as if they still were in a relationship. He even told me what kind of lingerie she used to wear when they made love. I know what kind of music she liked, what colors she liked, what her favorite food was, what ALL they did when they had sex, what kind of make up she used, AND what size were her breasts!?!?! GEEZ! Like an understanding partner, I let all that go, although it was f***ing painful and sad. I was patient, and thought maybe he loved her deeply, and for a matter of fact, it is indeed hard for someone to get out of a relationship they've been in for a long time. But to make matters worse, he always kept himself distant from me, the kind of body language that said, "I'm not ready for a physical relationship." We never made love (rather never got physically close since I didn't really love him). He said he's not comfortable and still cannot get over his ex. At that point, I realized perhaps he married me on the rebound. So we basically started knowing each other as roommates, who scratched each others' back. I cooked and cleaned for him, and he paid the bills. I still went along with that, just hoping that things MAY change, and that maybe I'm expecting too much in too less of a time. Our sex life could be compared to the number of times we get February 29th on our calendar. He complained I don't look pretty, I'm not hot, nor is he attracted to me. He never missed a chance to make me feel miserable. Oh, and he still wished he married a model to match his looks.

Just a couple months after the wedding, I planned a trip to visit my parents in my hometown, and to get away from this clutter for a while. It was killing me inside. I was scheduled to be away from home for almost three weeks. The a**h*le of a person that he is, already made plans of inviting his OTHER ex girlfriend (mind you, not the one he claimed he still loved) over to spend an entire week with him, alone in the house, while I was away. I found this by accidentally stumbling upon his Yahoo email, which he left unsigned off before leaving for work. I read their conversations, which led me to cancel my plans of visiting my parents. When it was time for her to arrive, I told the jerk I'd love to be a good hostess to our guest who's visiting us soon. To my surprise the chick never showed up. On confronting him with the situation, he defended himself by saying they're just good friends, more like a brother and sister, and she had to cancel her plans last moment due to some emergency in her family. Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn't. But why was he so secretive if they were just good friends? Why did he write letters to MORE ex girlfriends saying he can't forget what a great relationship they shared and that he's sorry things didn't work out. I just couldn't understand his mind at this point. I decided enough was enough, and quickly found myself a job to keep me busy, away from all the pessimism.

Soon after, his parents came to visit. I had never lived with them before, nor knew them well. To my surprise, my partner's father turned out to be a bigger jerk than him. I later found out, after a certain damage was done, that he's got a reputation in the entire family that I was totally unaware of. Neither did my parents know. You know what he does, until today? He sexually molests young women. Women and girls from his own family and those from his group of friends. He would make sexual passes at them, in the middle of a crowd sometimes, when nobody is looking. And then when he was reported, nobody were able to misjudge such an INNOCENT looking old man, who cannot even kill a fly!!!!!! Can you believe his gutts? He would come on to them until they shrieked! At this point, the word started to spread around, not far enough to fall into my ears. But I was totally unaware of the situation when he came to visit. It took him a week to have the audacity to tell me he wants to get into my pants. Right then I punched him on the side of his stomach with my elbow and looked at him fiercely with wide, red eyes, and shouted, "You back off Mr. and don't ever dare to touch me again". I immediately reported this to my partner and his mother, who shrugged their shoulders saying it's a misunderstanding and I need to watch what I speak. From that point on the mother started looking at me with green, envious eyes, like I was a threat! She made my life miserable by constantly nagging me, picking fights with me, verbally abusing me and blaming my parents for the reason I'm too strong headed. All I was asking for was justice! My parents were the first ones to believe me. When investigated, the truth was revealed. He did have a reputation after all, but everyone tried to shove it under the rug, and hence this wasn't much talked about. But my partner's mother never changed. Whenever she came to visit, she would always cut me off when I'm talking and try to bully me till I completely surrendered. Every time she spoke, it seemed she was spitting a dark colored poison from her mouth. She would curse, yell, and squabble ALL the time, to an extent that I started working extra hours at my workplace.

As if this wasn't enough, my partner beat me up every single time he felt I was trying to be strong headed. I once called the cops on him, after which I was showered with letters from the social services, offering any kind of help I needed. I just wished I'd taken some severe action then. But I didn't let the cops arrest him, thinking I'd give him another chance. Even now, when he does that, I want to call the cops on him again, and this time, I know they'll take him away. But my nature isn't vindictive and destructive. It's not permitting me to do anything nasty.

Part 2 follows

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story from Ms Anonymous Part 1

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Aug 13, 2010
Ms Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I find it interesting that you refer to calling the police on your abuser "nasty", rather than see yourself as "worthy" of calling them out of dignity for yourself. As long as you don't believe you are worthy of dignity and respect, you won't get it. Please consider some form of counseling for yourself. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

Aug 14, 2010
Deceiving: Deceitful: Cunning: Dis-honest ABC
by: maurice

Oh wonderful ms human of the female species: You don't deserve to be living with that unloving; uncaring individual: He ain't a man: A coniving Git: Please never underestimate the great, the wonderful, the gifted, the beautiful, the gentle, the sensitive woman you are EVER; beginning TODAY know you are one very special woman who deserves the best; Value your own self worth and dignity: Don't put yourself down or nebeath another Man or Woman: My heart truly goes out to you: He does not deserve your LOVE; Your love is genuine, real, true, caring, respectful: He will never understand your beautiful nature: Darlene, she has given you a stepping stone to move off in her words of wisdom; knowing; so please listen to her heart speaking to you: Get a few real genuine true friends around you whom you trust, value and respect who will stand by you: keep you safe; protect you: These are true friends so walk with them: Talk with them: He is only a playboy not a man: So don't put up with anymore of his S''t. You deserve more and the best:

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