Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Melissa

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Jan 15, 2012
Melissa:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm SO proud of you for realizing that you had to get out of that violent relationship. D-- was so typical of abusers. They start out charming and seem to be so perfect. By the time the violence begins, it's so easy for the victim to tell themselves that it won't happen again or to brush if off as "nothing". But the violence escalates and intensifies. The "honeymoon" period is full of apologies and promises that aren't kept, but it keeps the victim believing in the idea of what the relationship might be. The victim not only believes the lies, s/he believes they are seeing the true colours of the person, which couldn't be further from the truth. The honeymoon period is a stage that eventually wains, and then becomes more insidious when the abuser begins to blame the victim for the violent behaviour: "I wouldn't have had to choke you, hit you, punch you, if you hadn't been talking to that guy, wearing those clothes, doing what you were doing." And the victim believes the lie. Then there's a quiet period...before the cycle begins all over again. You realized you were, and are, worthy of dignity and respect. That was the first step, Melissa. The next step was to break it off with him. The next step is telling everyone you know that you broke up with him and why. And then lean on your support system (family and friends). Get a restraining order if you need to. Talk to a counsellor about what you lived through with this abuser, and to help you with boundaries. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. Many other will be helped by the fact that you did.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

Jan 16, 2012
confidence
by: Rita M

Hi Melissa
I can relate with you in every way and understand
what has happened.The thing I relate with was that
I lived with a jeaolouse man like that.Men like that are very controlling and very self centered.
It's amazing how fear has a grip on us.It doesn't help to call yourself stupid.There are reasons why we don't leave and it has nothing to do with stupidity.Fear obviously held you back because of the threats you lived with.It makes you think you are trapped and you become vulnerable and hopeless
waiting for him to change.I remember coming to a thought that I just have to accept that is the way he is and I can't change him but I can change my situation and I can chanage myself.It's like it clicked in order that he has an issue and that he was not a suitable partner to live with.I realized that there is a way out and took advantage of it no matter what he threatened because I became focused on what I needed.I must say that by leaving him you made the right decision.You took care of yourself.You have every right to be proud of yourself for leaving.He could have killed you.I hope you notice the strength you have.You are amazing.That was a very complicated relationship.You have proven to yourself that your are worth it.You are very strong.Don't ever regret your decision.Now you can move ahead.FReedom is important.There is so much help out there.I have taken advantage of it.As I have been away from this man I have been going for councelling because I wanted to be rid of all the hurts from the past including relationships,everything before I start dating.
I wish you all the best keep up the good work.With the strength you have you can reach out
to others because they need you.You can turn your
pain into a blessing and show others that there is hope.I hope you have a great year and that knowing you are no longer with him that you will be able to accomplish your goals.Take care.

Rita M

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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