Relationship Violence Story From Anonymous

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was 17 I had my first girlfriend. I was very much in love with her, but she had a lot more experience with both sex and relationships than I did. She really pursued me more than I pursued her.

Of course, we eventually had sex. She was Asian and her parents found out soon after, and they threatened me physically; I remember her mom ripping up the picture I'd given her in front of me. I later found out that she had told her mom about us having sex, but she told me that she didn't know how they had found out.

We were together for the next six months, and she sexually abused me the whole time. She would write really sexy notes or call me on the phone and talk dirty and have me tell her what I wanted to do to her. But she wouldn't have sex with me again, because of her mom. When I would ask to have sex, she would laugh at me and make fun of how aroused I was by her.

One day we got in a fight at lunch, and I was upset with her during our next class (we sat next to each other in the back). She wouldn't talk to me about my feelings, but instead during the movie she put her hand down my pants and began to masturbate me. Her friends were in front of us and they knew what was going on. I felt humiliated but it also felt really good, and I begged her to keep going until I came, which she did. Then she asked if I was still upset, as if my feelings should go away just because she got me off.

It's hard to convey how much this abuse has shaped me. I'm in my mid-30's and I haven't been able to be close to a woman since. I'm terrified to have sex because I don't want to give someone that much power over me again. And the only thing that arouses me is being humiliated. I feel so much rage and shame about being mistreated like this, and its worse because most people just think I was lucky to have a girlfriend who would do that. I don't feel lucky: I feel exploited and abused. I hope that this story will make it clear that woman can sexually abuse men, too.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Anonymous

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Jan 16, 2011
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What you experienced is called "relationship violence". And yes, women most definitely CAN—and DO—sexually, physically and emotionally assault men. What makes things more difficult for men is that society doesn't believe that males can be victims, or that some men don't want to participate in sexual activity. The latter is in part due to the fact that most believe that men are always looking to have sex, and that as a result, they don't ever say no. Nothing could be further from the truth. I strongly recommend some form of counseling in order to deal with the repercussions of what you experienced as a teenager. This girl was obviously troubled, and left you to deal with the effects of her controlling and manipulative behaviour. A professional can help you process all of this. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

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