Relationship Violence Story From Alicia

by Alicia
(Idaho, USA)

We dated for a total of a year and a half. When we met we we're both going in the same direction - no where - and we got drunk and he always smoked weed. The first day we met he asked me to be his gf after telling me of his last relationship where he almost killed himself because of her. He scared me into saying yes to him. But pretty soon I got attached and I wanted to "save" him and I felt like others just didn't understand him. J--- and I broke up every weekend and were together during the weeks for the first few months. Everything was a head game. On my birthday some mutual friends of ours were throwing me a party and he and I were broken up. The day before he told me hated me and that I was a whore. Then on my birthday he was the only person who got me an actual present. Roses,a bear and a card..he drove me nuts. That night I got so drunk I was blacking in and out. I woke up at one point with him holding my face in his hands while he told me how he felt. I passed back out again and the next day I woke up ontop of him. I was irritated and got up and left. We got back together and moved into our own apartment. Things were great at first he wasn't dragging me all around town to go drink regardless of if I wanted too or if I had work in the morning.what he wanted to do we did to avoid his tempertantrums. When we moved in it seemed like he changed . He cared more about my feelings and asked for my input. With time we started having nightly parties at our house and he got worse. He would call me a whore if a guy looked at me. He would spit in my face and beat my dog when I was not home. One time when we broke up he moved to his grandmas but left most of his stuff in my apartment. I was having a party with girls and guys and ended up kissing one of the guys there. J--- came over at midnight drunk and told me he loved me and missed me. He asked me what happened that night and I was truthfull. He picked up a knife and held it to his chest threatening to kill himself. The next night he came to get his things and he slammed me up against the wall so hard it left dents around my body. He punched the wall right next to my face and walked away. He threw keys bottles lamps at my head he threw water on my face when I would just wake up he would slap me and throw me on the ground he would choke me while he raped me and he would rape me so hard I bled and was sore for days. He hit me with books and always pretend to punch me in the face. One day he grabbed my matress after kicking me in the back to wake up and make him food and shoved it on me out the door of our bedroom cause I wouldn't make him breakfast. He shoved me off the bed and threw me against walls. I always had bruises on my wrists and arms from him holding my arms down during sex when I would scratch him because he was being so hard. He would lock me out of the house and take away my phone and keys. He would hide my keys and get mad whenever I went out with friends or talked to my parents. He destroyed me in every way possible. Mentally physically emotionally and spiritually he would tell me things were my fault and I deserved it. That I was a worthless slut and no one would love me except him. After a while you start to believe it. I hate him and I pray karma is real.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Alicia

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Feb 07, 2011
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I sincerely hope you have broken up with J--- for good and that you will never go back with him. He has serious problems, and to go back to him puts you in grave danger. He is a typical abuser, but you can't help him. You can't "save" him. You can't do anything for him. That's up to him. You can only do what you can for yourself. If you are still with him, you must act in order to protect yourself. You are in danger if you stay. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. You can visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser:

If you are no longer with him, I congratulate you; but, please consider some form of counseling in order to understand why you felt the need to be with someone like him in the first place. And please consider a 12-step program to help you deal with your drinking problem, otherwise you are at risk for finding another abuser just like J---. I wish you all the best, Alicia. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

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