"Pandora's Box"

by Elaine Riley
(Lancashire, UK)

Darlene, just to say thanks to you, and any others, who have commented upon my previous articles. Food for thought...

It's good to have a site like this, to trade stories, ideas and opinions. It also provides invaluable advice and support; and is a safe space for individuals to finally open up about the trauma that they have experienced. Sometimes just the act of speaking out for the first time can lift a huge wight off one's chest! I guess that's just a part of the child abuse problem... abuse is about secrets and about making someone keep them. It can be very tiring and emotionally draining carrying that sort of baggage around... Here, you get the chance, if you wish, to vent some of that frustration, to offload the weight... To open "Pandora's Box", so to speak!

The feedback I have received on this site has been thought provoking. It's made me realise that I too have preconceptions that can be challenged. I agree, for instance, with your comments that people around may have been aware of the fact that I was being abused, but chose to overlook this fact. I guess that, over time, it was always easier for me to convince myself that they "did not know". How many times is that excuse trotted out? I've said myself that people often refuse to acknowledge the unpalatable - perhaps I need to accept that this happens across the board... That teachers at MY school DID suspect, but through fear, or ignorance, did not act.

I guess you've highlighted to me that healing is a slow process, and that you cannot expect too much too soon. Sometimes, it's easy to convince yourself that you've made more progress than you actually have. Maybe it's that old "needing to get to know yourself" issue again.

You see, my problem is that thinking and analysing comes naturally to me. I've always been the sort of person to look at things from every angle. But, at the same time, I have to acknowledge that sometimes I can still be afraid to act... That there is still occasionally that little, scared, abused girl in me who fears to take things further, to do things for herself. Then, the thinking and analysing can just form another barrier, a defense, a way of my playing for more time.

Thanks for reminding me that you can never know yourself fully. That we are all infinitely subtle, and capable of infinite change. That whilst our negative experiences were debilitating at the time, it is our lasting perception of them that is disabling. But perception can be changed...

I described abuse above as a "Pandora's Box". It's the thing that is there, but not discussed, avoided... not openly acknowledged. Why? Fear.

Fear is the weapon my abusers used against me. Fear is what still gets in the way of my fulfilment personally. Fear on a wider scale is what prevents society from openly recognising, acknowledging and discussing abuse. But then, somewhere inside me was a strength that got me through the abuse, got me qualifications, a career, a loving partner...

That same strength is in all of us. Maybe, Darlene, an article discussing how we tap into that strength, how we make the two sides of our character (the weak and afraid/ the strong and resilient) whole, could be interesting? Maybe we all need to keep talking, discussing, and championing this site? Maybe we need to keep prying that lid off Pandora's Box?