Our Animal "Buddies".

by Elaine Riley
(Lancashire, UK)

Busy week at work, this week! We're making dramatic changes within Social Services, re-evaluating the way that we deliver care, and finance it. We're also being asked to look at ways of improving the computer systems that we use daily to process requests for this care. I've been asked to take part in a "little project", which looks at the processes a worker uses in order to make an assessment of an individuals needs, and to provide care to meet these. It seemed so easy at first... until I realised that this meant deconstructing a whole working day; breaking down every little task into its individual components, and then LISTING them as a FLOW CHART. Now, I don't have much patience at the best of times!

Anyhow, every evening, I've been glad to return to the peace of my own home. I've always been delighted that my cats have been there, waiting for me. I've been able to make myself a cup of tea, feed the cats, feed myself, and then settle down on the sofa with a cat curled on my knee, to watch T.V., and cuddle. With six cats, there's always one who'll want attention, and a bit of a fuss making over him/her!

This got me to thinking, just how wonderful this interactive experience can be. You see, there are benefits for both parties involved... The pet gets food, warmth, company and attention. The "owner" (for who really knows who owns who?!) receives in return love, trust, companionship, attention... There's something very relaxing, and spiritually uplifting, about cuddling a warm, furry little body. Something soothing about stroking a pet's fur. Whatever the stressors of that day, they gradually melt away. No wonder medical reports are now being produced, which state that keeping a pet can help a person remain less stressed, and to live longer! I'd vouch for the fact that there clearly ARE health benefits!

But what's this got to do with childhood abuse, you ask? Well, a lot more than may first meet the eye, is my reply...

Our relationships in life are very important. They provide us with support, intimacy, love... Relationships can be of the human kind - partners, husbands/wives, family, friends, colleagues... These people are ALL significant to us; ALL have an effect on how our lives unfold, and can thus affect our well-being. But relationships can be of the animal kind, too.

For someone whose life has been blighted by the trauma of abuse, it can seem very difficult to form relationships with humans again; to trust them and to want to "open up" to them. Whilst an affectionate relationship with a pet cannot replace, or make up for, a damaged relationship with, say, a spouse, or a parent, it CAN still be a help. It can provide a source of comfort to an individual who might otherwise feel alone. Not only that, but the relationship one has with ones animal friends is not usually fraught with as many tensions as that with a human - it is uncomplicated. Animals appear to provide an affection that is unconditional. They do not demand, "do your Homework, or you'll get a smack!". They do not order, "turn that telly off and get to your room. Stop being so noisy!". They do not cruelly tease, "don't play with the fat girl!"; or sarcastically say behind your back " ugh, look at him, speccy-four-eyes!". No! Provided that they are fed and watered, and provided with clean and comfortable housing, they are content to be around whoever, whenever...

This leads me to my next point... Having read many of the stories on this website, I've seen time and again a similar comment... "My abuser hurt, or threatened to hurt, my pet." Another is... "My abuser won't let me have a pet."

Childhood abuse occurs because the abuser has isolated the "victim", has "zoomed in" on their vulnerabilities, and then, with continued threats and bribes, has induced such fear in the "victim" that they are unwilling or unable to protect them-self. Terror of reprisals keeps the "victim" from speaking out; and, besides, they have been made to feel lost and alone.

The bond between a child and their pet is often a very close one, based on having grown up together, based on a sense of sharing activities together. It is also often a very strong bond, with the child feeling loved and protected by the pet. For a child who has few other means of support (a child possibly experiencing abuse) the pet can feel like their only "lifeline". The pet may "stand up for" the child; barking, clawing, scratching at, or otherwise intimidating the aggressor. The pet may become a "confidante", "someone" who shares the experience of abuse, "someone" to discuss it with. The pet is a "shoulder to cry on". The pet becomes a constant companion, "someone" to talk to, "someone" who still loves them, no matter what. For the child who otherwise feels unloved and unwanted, this relationship with their pet can be very much of a "be all and end all" nature. It may be the one thing that gives them the inner strength to endure their abuse, and to "come out the other side". The continued bond with the pet can be an incentive to turn a life around.

No wonder, then, that abusers wish to isolate their "victims" from pets, too! No wonder that threats of harm to a child's beloved animal companion can be so efficient and effective a form of torment! If the abuser cannot directly harm the child "victim", or wishes to do so in a more insidious manner, then targeting recipients of the child's affections will more than suffice!

Abusers are frequently reported as enjoying the sense of power that they gain through abusing. Therefore, the targets of their abuse will predominantly be in a situation of lesser power. For this reason, children, and some ANIMALS, are often ideal. They are small, generally docile, trusting and affectionate. These are all qualities which the abuser will want to manipulate.

It is my belief, therefore, that where ANIMAL ABUSE is taking place in a family household, it is a good indicator of potential domestic violence and/or child abuse. Evidence from research which is currently ongoing, would appear to indicate similar links. Organisations such as the R.S.P.C.A. and the Women's Aid Federation, in the U.K., are beginning to take very seriously the issue of the links between animal abuse, child abuse and domestic violence.

You see, for many of us, our "animal buddies" are an integral part of our social network. They are a source of companionship, support and affection. If I know this, and you know this, then we can be pretty certain that an abuser will know this, too! That is why it is so important that Aid Organisations recognise this.