No memory of childhood: Is this common?

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No memory of childhood: Is this common?

by Bernadette
(Ireland)

I'm 23. I was abused as a child by a male neighbour. I know I was young when it started, around 5 I think, and it stopped when I was 11, but yet I can not remember much of it. In fact, I can't remember much of anything. I seem to have blocked my childhood all out. Whenever my family get together and talk about things we did years ago and places we went, I don't recall any of them. Sometimes I get bits and pieces, but not much. I've never told any of my family about this, and don't think I can. Is this common or am I just losing my mind?

Thank You:
Bernadette H

Note from Darlene: My answer can be found below.

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No memory of childhood: Is this common?

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Jan 25, 2008

A coping mechanism
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Children who are sexually abused by an adult not only experience the trauma, they also experience overwhelming feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Each child copes differently. My sexual abuse victims page on this site details some of the ways sexually abused children adapt. Another page I recommend you read through is sexual abuse effects to gain a better understanding of the effects.

Bernadette, we all have varying degrees of memory recall. Some adults remember just about everything that happened to them as children, some adults remember tidbits, while others remember virtually nothing of growing up. There is research being done, but very little is known about the human brain in general, never mind it's ability to recall from the past. And there is a lot of controversy about the subject of recalling what has been deemed "repressed memories."

As for your situation, it's not at all uncommon for children to block out traumatizing events, and for those blocked memories to continue to be blocked well into adulthood. Nor is it uncommon for a person to block out periods of time that are years long. Every person is different in their ability to deal with trauma, so some memories are repressed as a coping mechanism, while others are blocked due to the general state of mind of the person.

Your traumatizing memories may or may not come back to you, just as the rest of your childhood recollections may or may not re-surface. Recalling bits and pieces over time is not at all uncommon. Current experiences or entering into different stages in your life, such as the start of an amorous relationship, can trigger more detailed memories. Much depends on the original traumatic experience, as well as the emotions that were elicited during the experience; the triggers are often a similar emotion and experience, which can have the effect of drawing out the memory.

I don't recommend trying to force memories. I believe that when the person is ready to deal with difficult memories, then the brain will unlock what has been locked away; but that is a personal opinion. If and when your memories do emerge, pay attention to the emotions that you are feeling at the time. If those emotions are too much to bear, then I recommend some form of counselling to help you deal with the residual.

And Bernadette, no, I don't think you're losing your mind. I think your mind is protecting you from events that were too painful to deal with when you were a child. But I am not a doctor of psychiatry, so if you want to delve further into this, I suggest you seek out the counsel of a psychiatric specialist.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 07, 2008

A comment I think you should read...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Bernadette, you'll find the story of another person who dealt with repressed memories at the following comment page on this site comment to Elisha, titled I can relate and I was in fact sexually abused, dated Feb 6, 2008. Reading what this person did to help herself might help you.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 11, 2011

I understand
by: Michelle

I am 32 years old, and I have no real memories before the age of 12. I don't recall being abused. However, I do have many of the signs of abuse. It has always bothered me that I can't remember more of my childhood. I have asked my mother if she thought that I might have been abused. She said that she didn't know, but could be possible.

Aug 23, 2011

HELP!
by: Anonymous

Like you Michelle I can not remember much before I was about 12 years old when I entered my rebellious years, I am 35 now and have just started looking into my past a little more to try to understand my behaviour now which at times can be quite erratic. I can remember some events like certain holidays, playing games with my little brother/friends etc but nothing else really. I can not remember my bedroom which I spent years in, apart from dreams I had of floating above my bed looking out the window trying to escape and I also had other constant dreams of being trapped in the garden by a witch and being unable to escape (both these dreams I am hoping to have analysed). I always thought I had a happy childhood and the relationship I have with my parents is fine but my husband has asked me in the past if I was abused as I show signs of this. I would love some help or support if anyone knows of any, I need to sort out my behaviour now which is possibly due to events in my past? I really don?t know.

Sep 05, 2011

Don't know if I was abused
by: Emma

I have always had the thought at the back of my mind that I may have been abused, although I have no memory of such an event ever taking place. As a young child of about 5 or 6 I was never "protected" from watching sexual scenes on TV and I was sexually aware. As I got older and started to have boyfriends, I was afraid to have sex and the thought of being intimate with anyone made me very uncomfortable. I have had dreams off and on which suggested being in a room in my grandparents house and experiencing unpleasent feelings but nothing more. I am now married and have 2 young children and have had 2 dreams recently where I was lying next to my grandfather and he was touching me. I cannot shake off the feeling this is telling me something.

Sep 13, 2011

Abused and did not remember
by: Tom

Have you ever heard of anyone who was abused as a child and did't remember it and now later on in life start to remember bits and pieces?

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No memory of childhood: Is this common?

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No memory of childhood: Is this common?