Need help trying to figure myself out

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Need help trying to figure myself out

by Andy
(Canada)

I am a male, 35 years old. Growing up was a very hard thing for me to do. I have been in trouble in school and was suspended most of the time. When I was 11, I turned to drugs and alcohol. I ended up in the Youth Centre and then group homes. When I was 19, I ended up in jail for 13 months for property-related offences. When I turned 22, I found myself in jail again. This time, five and a half years.

Now, at the age of 35, I again am going to jail. I am sitting here trying to help myself and trying to figure out why I am such a bad person. As a child I got beat, up down and side ways by my dad. I was terrified of him. He is the crazy monster of my childhood. I think I have been a victim of child abuse. This would explain why my life is such a hell. I want things to be better, but don't know where to start. Does anyone have any input????

Note from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "Need help trying to figure myself out" can be found below.

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Need help trying to figure myself out

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Mar 08, 2008

You WERE victimized; doesn't mean you must CONTINUE to be...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Andy, as a child you had no power. Your father had all the power over you; and as such, you were forced to endure physical and emotional abuse. That shouldn't have happened. You deserved a loving, nurturing, supportive and protective father. That was your birthright, a birthright you were denied. I can only imagine the horrors you must have lived through, in your father's home, in the Youth Centre, (I spent only one frightening night in that same provincial Youth Centre myself many years ago) then in group homes, and finally in various jails.

Andy, as a 35-year-old adult, you now have choices. Your father and the horrific things he did to you no longer have power over you, unless you let them. You can choose to continue to be victimized, or you can choose to start making healthy decisions for yourself. But only you can choose.

You've taken a giant first step by writing and admitting that you don't know where to start. The next step is accepting responsibility for your own life as an adult and for the decisions you've made as that adult. You must acknowledge what YOU are doing wrong in order to exact change in your life. Nothing will change without that acknowledgment. Acknowledgment is followed by acceptance of the consequences. You're going to jail as a consequence of your latest decisions, Andy. That won't change. What you DO to exact change in your life while you are in jail is up to you, and is dependent on the degree in which you are ready.

There are countless self-help books out there; many of which I have in my own library. The one I am going to suggest to you Andy is one that is receiving a great deal of publicity right now: A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. Oprah and Mr. Tolle are together conducting a free 10-week online course through Oprah.com. The course started last Monday. I don't know when you are going to jail, Andy, and whether or not you'll have access to a computer, but do consider picking up the book. If you're ready, it could be life-altering for you.

I sincerely wish you all the best, Andy.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Need help trying to figure myself out

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Need help trying to figure myself out