My Son is Molesting My Daughter

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Today my nine year old daughter has come to me telling me that her thirteen year old brother had been touching her and performing sexual acts on her. I had noticed changes in her that made me concerned but she has always denied anything because she if scared I would be mad our that I would not care which is what she was told by her brother. I am a nurse and I know both my children need serious help. But I dont know where to started. Do I call the police. Do I call child protective services. Do I just find them a counselor to talk to. I Imagine that the counselor would have to report it yo and then child services would come out then. I Have taken every precaution to prevent out from happening again like separating the children. No more baby sitting and for now my daughter is sleeping in bed with me. I just dont know what to do now

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Comments for My Son is Molesting My Daughter

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Nov 03, 2010
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Firstly, I believe you're a loving mother, and that you want to be there for both your children. Secondly, I cannot stress this enough: You CANNOT protect your daughter as long as your son is there! And to keep your son in the same house as your daughter is sending her the message that you've chosen her abuser over her. He has power over her, power that he has obviously misused, and you can't diffuse that power as long as they are under the same roof. You MUST deal with this in a way that will get help for both your children, and help for you. You definitely need to report this, not only for your daughter, but for your son. He may well be molesting others. He needs to be taken out of the picture so that he can't molest others. I know this is going to be difficult for you as his mother, but you have to in order to stop his molesting ways and to protect your daughter. If you continue to do what you are doing now, you are enabling your son to continue sexually abusing your daughter and likely others. If you are in the USA, please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone as a parent. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counselors who can help you with what you should do. They are not a reporting agency. You can visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser:

And yes, counseling will be necessary for all members of your family. Your son was likely molested himself, and needs help not only to stop what he's doing, but to deal with why he's doing it. I wish you and your family all the best. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 05, 2010
by: Mom

I did indeed call that morning the abuse hotline for Florida. I then moved my son to my mother's house. The very next day he was arrested and now is in the juvenile detention facility. My daughter is safe and has started group therapy and will be a long road but now there is a light at the end of a very long road ahead of us. As for my son, there are many challenges ahead of us. The first will be court. I have had a hard time with getting people to help him. Not a lot of programs out here for the offender. Really a sad situation cause that is how this stuff is pasted down from generation to generation. This was the hardest thing I ever had to do as a mom but at the same time BOTH my children need help. I just pray that the people who told me they would get him the help he needs are not the same ones who want him locked up for a life time...

Nov 06, 2010
by: Anonymous

what you have to deal with is extremely difficult, i haven't been in your shoes but i have been in your daughter's, i told when i was in third grade and my parents 'punished' him and it was over. or so they thought. he continued to rape me and i was too scared to tell. my parents didn't see it. i am 17 now and still am trying endlessly to heal from all the years of abuse, your daughter needs you so much right now, please, for me, talk to her about it. don't make it the intentional sin, she needs to talk to you, also i would recommend a counselor, but do not stop talking to her and as she grows and starts to understand more keep her in the counseling. this is what i wish my parents had taken the time to do instead of being too selfish to hire a babysitter and too lazy to keep me in counseling. hope this helps...

Nov 10, 2010
You will do what is best for you and your children
by: maurice

Akward, yes, but not beyond your love for both your children and yourself: You are a good mother, great you have shared on Darlene's site: She has given you a woman's heart comment being so truthful and honest in a gentle way: She understands: You will do what is the best for both children: Counselling a must for all concerned: Your son: will be fine, but you must get the help Darlene encourages for him: Your daughter will too be fine: She loves and trusts her Mammy: You must love and trust her in return: Her cry for help will be good for all of you: Your son may have been molested too so getting him help and to trust that you LOVE him will take great courage from you as his great and good Mother: My prayers are with you: You will be a family again once all the counselling and help is gone through: It will be painful for a while but time will be the healing and loving factor behind it all: A mother's love is a blessing and you sure are the best:

Nov 26, 2010
by: BMW Princess

Don't leave them alone together.
And try to find a psyhcologist who specializes in teens. those are just my ideas.

May 09, 2012
same situation
by: Anonymous

I read your story for the first time. My son also molested my daughter. He is also in a facility. My daughter is safe. My feelings on the other hand for my son have changed dramatically. It is so hard to help him when my heart is broken for her. Very few would understand the pain we have endured. My son takes no blame. continues to deny all. He is now on megan's law. I cant bring him to family functions,or even to my neighborhood again without worring he might repeat. The help for him is very limited. My daughter now dresses like a boy and hates anything that resembles a girl. She is in therapy. She loved her brother. I feel as though the son I new is dead and my family may never recover. It has been 8 long months since she disclosed. How do you go on?

Nov 19, 2012
My son is Molesting my daughter
by: Anonymous

My brother molested me and my sister almost 23 years ago. I last year found out this was true, these strange memories I had. Couldn't believe it cause we were a very conservative family.Told my parents,who were divorced and married again about this. My father s reaction was that boys are curious at the age of 10 and my mom just said that she's disappointed with him. We never got any counsellors help and there are no longer any relationship between me and my parents. I can't believe how they can right this off as nothing.I am married and this has a nasty influence on my marriage. Furthermore they didn't even spoke to my brother about the fact that they know what he did to us.They threw me away and took his side for everything. Its very heart breaking to go through something like this without any support from the people who is suppose to protect me.

Dec 16, 2012
Same situation
by: Anonymous

My son molested my step son and now lives with mg friend and also gets counseling. My mistake is that i missed him so much I let him spend yhe night at my house with me and my older daughter and toddler. Hes a wondeful kid but my X found out and is threatning me to call social services! Im scared love my kids way too much! Please help.

Jan 19, 2013
woman molest too
by: Anonymous

my older sister molested my a a kid and it f***ed me up but no 1 seems to care I told my mom and she sill lets her stay here, she should be in jail.

Apr 11, 2013
u r not alone
by: tammy

My older son molested & raped my younger son.This has torn my family apart.I can't help it i love both my boys.My older son can't be at my house, can't be at family functions even on holidays.I can't have family pictures done.My older son is on his way to prison & my younger one fights depression daily & has been suicidal.This is a parents worst nightmare besides the death of a child.How can i love & help both my kids?

Jul 12, 2013
Just found out my 14 yr old stepson molested my 9 yr old daughter
by: Anonymous

I can't help much as I love him and want to help him I don't feel he should be in our home. He is with grandparents for a few days but this cannot go long term. I don't know what to do. My daughter also is dressing boyish and not wanting to be pretty. She is suffering greatly mentally and emotionally.

I just do not know how to move past this. I know I need to hate the sin yet still love the sinner, love I can give...a home, well, I don't know how that can work. I want to help him. He is denying it all. He himself was abused in the care of his biological mother as a small child (I am step mom and love him dearly). He is already in counselling (a month now) for other serious issues and now this. He compulsively lies, has struggled with pornography (many of this discovered very recently), self-mutilated, etc... Gosh what a mess.

First and foremost my daughter needs to both be safe and feel safe. If he has to come back to live here (for lack of a safe stable place for him to go, ie a family member) then she will sleep with me and I suppose my husband goes in her room and son goes downstairs to the couch at contact, no chances of run-ins in the middle of the night bathroom trips, etc... Safety is #1. She needs help, he needs help, my husband and I need help to deal with it all. My husband is so angry with his son.

How do I move past this?!?!

How do I keep loving through the anger?!

How can I tolerate his presence?!

All this is worse because he will not own up to it...part of his issues for many years now (sticking to lies even when presented with evidence that proves he is lying). He shows no ownership, thus no remorse...typical for all things the last two years.

I don't know what I am supposed to feel or how I'm supposed to act in regards to him. I want him to get help, but I don't want him here. I want my daughter safe!

May 25, 2014
15 year old and his younger sisters
by: Uocipkk

Good evening,

I let my mother raise my son until he was teen. Afterwards, he came to live with me. I found out that he was( and had been) molesting two of his little sisters. There are treatment programs in the state, but the prosecution still hasn't decided whether or not to try in adult court. He is still in a facility and I feel guilt for turning in, but i really had no choice. I didn't want him to continue molesting his sisters or enable him to molest others. This is a heart breaking situation. What state are you in?

Sep 26, 2014
my world fell apart
by: Anonymous

I caught my 9 year old touching my 3 year old daughter three times. I can't get the images out of my head. Since the first incident I have had him in counseling. Programs. The last night I almost killed him. I sent him to a mental hospital facility . I would never wish this on anyone and I have no one to talk to. I'm so depressed and lonely I can't tell my family. I Dont know what to do. I need someone to talk to ;( I can't deal

Oct 15, 2014
Support groups
by: Anonymous

Are there any support groups for parents like us? Not independent counselors, I need support from other parents who know the heartbreak, pain, fear, etc. I'm in San Diego, California.

Nov 21, 2014
I caught my stepson molesting my Daughter
by: Anonymous

On July 22nd of this year I caught my 11 year old stepson with my 4 year daughter. He had her on his lap and had pushed her bathing suit to the side to expose her vagina and was manually stimulating her. She also told me he made her preform oral sex on him.

My poor daughter, who loves her brother and has no idea what any of that despicable act meant.

He is no longer welcome in our home and I've been in counselling since the "event" took place to try to sort through it for my daughter and for all my anger. I didn't believe it was possible to hate a child but Thats how I feel and now wonder if he has the potential to become an adult pedophile.

We contacted CPS they really haven't been helpful, they have labeled his file as inconclusive because he's denying it and they don't want to "not believe him". All I want is for this boy to get the help he so desperately needs and be honest. Just be honest and get help, before it gets worse. And someone else gets hurt and has a lifetime of trauma.

I am very thankful that I don't have to worry about him ever coming over again. I don't want my daughter to see him again. I can't fathom the idea that some of you are forced to live with these molesters. I truly am so sorry for those that do, I hope you receive some form of relief. Thanks for letting me share.

Feb 05, 2016
14 yo step-son molested my 8 yo daughter
by: Anonymous

To sum it up quickly, my 14 y.o. step-son molested my 8 y.o. daughter while he was babysitting her by playing an "escape" game where he pinned her arms after telling her to sit on his lap, which made her have to wiggle to "escape." This happened 5-6 times (per my daughter) over the course of a year. My daughter said she could feel his erection during the game and that he would ask her, "Can you feel that?"
As soon as my daughter told me of this, I told my spouse and we reported him to the police. An investigation was done. The boy was put into immediate therapy by a certified in sexual offender therapist. It was revealed in therapy that he had also molested his step-brother (3 years younger than him) in the other parent’s home. While my daughter’s molestation was charged as a misdemeanor, the step-brother’s molestation was more severe (penetration) and was charged as a felony, and had been going on for YEARS. My daughter’s case, because it was the first charge, is slated to be heard in court in 2 months, the second felony charge I know nothing about because both of his parents, yes, including my spouse, have gone into ‘protect my son’ mode and are not speaking about the boy’s therapy or the more serious case.
I have asked my spouse repeatedly what happened to the step-brother in the other parent’s home? My spouse says, "I don’t know and I don’t want to know." They have hired a criminal attorney for the boy in an effort to minimalize these events and to make sure it doesn’t go on his "record" and "ruin his future." The boy is extremely lazy and before all this came to light 90% of his waking hours (that he wasn’t in school) were spent on X-box playing nothing but war games where you get more points by killing. Since this the X-box has been taken away.
My dilemma is, how do I cope with this kid being in my home every other week? I detest the sight of him after what he has done to these two children. He has been charged, he is in "counseling" by a certified sexual offender specialist, his privileges have been stripped from him, there is an alarm on his bedroom door that is set every night he is there, and he is doing occasional (twice a month) volunteer community service for a total of 10 hours per month. If I didn’t deeply love my spouse this would be easy, just leave!
Our marriage has suffered greatly. I don’t trust, I believe things are being kept from me about the incidents and cases by my spouse, I am not being fully apprised of what is going on in therapy (confidential is fine, but I deserve to know everything the boy’s parents are being told by the therapist.) I have 2 years and 8 months left until he is 18. I feel like it is my ‘sentence’ having to live with him in the house with us. I know I could get over this and be happy again if he were not living in the house, reeking a huge mental stress & strain on my marriage every other week. The other parent cannot have him in their house when the step-brother is visiting. If I had a bad marriage, or didn’t love my spouse, I could leave. Staying isn’t doing my daughter or I any good either because of the step-son’s presence constantly puts me in a state of tension, stress, anxiety and anger. I love my spouse but it has been made very clear to me that my step-son comes first, and my daughter and I are secondary. I’m very depressed and filled with tension daily, especially the weeks he is living with us. We tried couples therapy, but it was just a battleground for yelling at each other and nothing productive was ever accomplished.
What do I do?

Feb 05, 2016
To: Anonymous of 14 yo step-son molested my 8 yo daughter
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand where you're coming from. But at the risk of sounding harsh--and believe me, I don't want to sound harsh, but I must be brief in my comment here--your decision MUST be based on your daughter's need. She will always see his presence in your home as the abuser being chosen over her. She will ALWAYS be fearful that he will do something to her. Not only what he has already done, but as retaliation for telling. The fear can be brought about just by a look from her abuser.

If you are unsuccessful at convincing your husband to not allow his son in the house, then you must remove your daughter from the environment whenever he is there. Yes, this may cause even more issues with your husband, but you have to act based on your daughter's situation. Not the relationship between you and your husband. Her healing depends on it.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 20, 2016
Fiancés Son touching my daughter/son
by: Tammi

I need help it was already reported but my fiancé and I are afraid that since it's his son that touched my kids inappropriately that we can't get married now because of what his son has done. We love each other and our kids very much and they all are getting help. My kids aren't allowed to be in the home with him so that means I am being kept from my kids until after court. So our question is can we still get married or should I move out and try to move on. We are in Ohio.

Thank you,

Jul 21, 2016
Stepson abused my daughter
by: Alan

A month ago I was washing dishes after coming in from a night shift and my 3 year old daughter came to me and told me that her brother 17 years old has been masterbating on her and touching her down below and kissing her. He was arrested that night at work and confessed to something, but not what our daughter was saying. Now last Friday we went for her big interview and because for the umpteenth time they had different people there she clammed up and just said he'd been naughty with her. The child protection team then informed us that they are now passing the case over to the cps to see if they want to charge him. But over the last few days our 2 year old son has started exhibiting strange behaviour he takes his nappy off and stands under the trampoline simulating masterbation . And today we found out that the stepson gas lied and been telling everyone that our daughter on caught him masterbating. He's walking around where we live as though nothing has gone on, we are having to hide in our home in case we bump into him. He's living with his dad, who lives 20 miles away from us. Anyone got any advice, we are thinking of telling everyone what he's actually done, he's been bailed for sexual assault. Help please.

Oct 15, 2016
I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

Last year my two youngest daughters (age 4 and 3) disclosed that their 13 year old brother had touched them and had tried to put his penis in their mouths on separate occasions. A few days before this I caught him trying to sneak into their room while naked clutching an erection. I went bananas when I found him. I lay in a dark roomy one night when I was twelve while my dad abused my sister (i didn't know what he was doing until the morning when my 10yr old sister told me) So when I saw him I went nuts.My husband had to hold me back I was going to kill him. This incident promoted me to ask all 3 girls if anything had ever happened. To my horror I found out that he had been doing things to them for a few months. I also woke to find him masturbating right next to me a few weeks before - he told me he was looking for his phone so he could look at porn!. I reported him to the police the day after the disclosure where he was arrested & charged with 2 counts of sexual assault against my daughters. The youngest (only 3) refused to tell the police anything but my middle daughter told them everything. My son was taken to a relatives house for 10 days then allowed home where there was a safety plan in place ( pressure mats outside their rooms etc) The authorities felt that my son made a big mistake and that it was just sexual curiosity. Everything was fine until two weeks after my son was discharged from social services and we lifted the pressure mats. We were starting to trust him again he showed great remorse and swore he would never do it again. We could see how hurt and disgusted with himself and we trusted him to babysit for 30 mins. When we got home all was well all girls sleeping son downstairs he said the girls were fine & he hadn't heard a peep out of them. Next morning middle girl was crying about a dirty toothbrush I was in a rush and thought she was just causing a fuss so she didnt have to brush her teeth. That evening in the car my middle girl said she had a sore mouth and I told her it was because she didn't brush her teeth. She told me she couldn't brush them because it was dirty it had pee on it. I asked her to explain. She told me that when i went out last night my son had taken her out of her bed and taken her into my room where he begged her to touch his penis she said she told him she didn't want to but felt sorry for him cause he was begging so she did it. He then asked her to put it in mouth. Same again she didn't want to but he was begging & she wanted to make him happy. He put it in her mouth the ejaculated on her mouth(she thought it was pee) she then ran to the toilet spat it out then brushed her teeth. I felt and still feel terrible how could I have let this happen again. What did I do to him to make him such a monster. I drove him to the police station where I made a statement. He was arrested the next day and charged with rape and indecent assault. No family member would take him because of what he had done so I volunteered him up for care. He was taken into care the next day. He admitted the indecent assault but not the rape. It went to the children’s panel where the rape charge was dropped as there was not enough evidence. The result of the hearing was a 1 year supervision order for him to stay in care until Aug next year. He is suicidal he hates himself and is very lonely.

My husband and I reacted very well we still love him and forgive him but will never trust him again. He is not allowed contact with his sisters until they have had counselling. This happened late June and mid October they still have no counselling they are desperate to see him again and they are worried they won’t ever see him. Our middle girl appears to have had no ill effects and says she loves him and wants him back. Our eldest girl says it’s all our middle girls fault big brother has gone she doesn’t understand why she let him do it and she has guilt too as she saw him take her away and did nothing. I reassure my girls daily that it was not their fault and they have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty. Big brother did a very bad thing and he is being punished. My youngest regularly asked me ‘if I’m bad Mummy will you send me away?’ it’s horrible!!!

I have been off for sick since it all happened and I don’t want to go back I blame working full time on why this has happened I have neglected my precious kids and failed to spot the signs. My hubby lost his job in may and only started working two weeks ago. The day after he got the job we found out I’m pregnant again (no 5 hubby 40 not week & me 37 when baby born) I felt that my son would feel like I’m replacing him.

Since the incident last year I have been on antidepressants and beta blockers for anxiety. I’m off them now cause of baby and I am so depressed & anxious . I was starting to feel better starting to rebuild our shattered lives now I feel like it is all falling again.

I feel that it must be my fault, I raised him. What did I do???

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