My ex-boyfriend is abused: How do I help?

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My ex-boyfriend is abused: How do I help?

by Mia
(Red Bluff, California, USA)

I'm 16 years old. I'd like to talk about the abuse my ex-boyfriend, Aaron, gets from his parents. The other night, I was over at his house, just sleeping over. He forgot to take his pills, so his dad threw him up against a wall and continuously hit him about 3 times. His mom called him and his sister worthless dumbasses. And his dad threatened to kick him out of the house and put burses on him if he doesn't take his pills. Ugh, when I saw him crying it hurt me so much and made me start crying.

No child should ever have to suffer with physical abuse, or any type of abuse, for that matter. Especially at age 17, like him. I need some kind of help for him. His parents call him psycho, dumbass, shithead, retarded, just about anything there is. And I just wish there was something, someway I could help out. When I see my ex crying his heart out, it makes me so sad. I can't stand it.

Please, please...how do I help my ex?

Sincerely,
Mia B

Note from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "My ex-boyfriend is abused: How do I help?" can be found below.

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My ex-boyfriend is abused: How do I help?

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Apr 26, 2008

TELL someone...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're a great friend to care, Mia, and to ask how you can help Aaron. If his parents are physically and emotionally abusing him in this way in front of you, imagine how they are treating him in private. Report what you have seen and heard to your county Child Protection Service Agency. I do not have that number for your particular county, but you should be able to find it in your local phone book.

But you must understand something, Mia: For a variety of reasons, Aaron may choose NOT to disclose the abuse he is dealing with. My intervention page on this site offers reasons victims DO and DO NOT disclose. The page also provides some valuable information about how to further help Aaron and you too, Mia. The emotional toll this is taking on you must be addressed. Talk to someone you trust about what has happened. Someone who you can lean on and get support from: a parent, a friend's parent, a counsellor at school, a teacher, pastor, etc. It is very distressing to learn that someone you care about is being so badly mistreated.

You can also suggest to Aaron that he contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Both you AND Aaron can contact them. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help Aaron through the process of reporting if he decides to disclose the abuse himself. But don't wait for him to do that, Mia. His self-esteem is at an all-time low right now. He may believe that he deserves what he's getting at home. He may also think that no one will believe him or be able to help him. So for his sake, be the one to act in order to help him. And like I said above, make sure you take care of yourself too.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 12, 2008

Not his fault...neither is yours
by: Francine

Mia, I understand what your friend Aaron and his sister are going through, and I am sorry that they don't have good parents. Neither Aaron nor his sister are worthless dumbasses; they are not psycho, they are not retarded; they are NOT shitheads; they are smart, articulate, and worthwhile; don't ever let anyone think otherwise!

***Inappropriate comments removed by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

You might want to call the police on Aaron's parents. They will get their karma and if they don't get help that they, Aaron and even his sister need

***Edited***

They should've gone to jail for the rest of their miserable lives! As for Aaron and his sister, they might want to try counselling and (maybe) have the cops take them into a loving home...their parents should've cherished them...unfortunately, you've got a crappy raw deal, Aaron, because his parents are twisted in their ways of thinking. Well, you might also want to tell a trusted adult on his parents because Aaron doesn't deserve to go through abuse. I think that Aaron's parents think it's alright to abuse him; it's not.

***Edited***

But you have lots of friends to talk to (so does Aaron)! Peace out and God bless you, Aaron and his sister and I wish you and Aaron all the best cuz you guys and even Aaron's sister did nothing wrong. Take care!

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My ex-boyfriend is abused: How do I help?

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My ex-boyfriend is abused: How do I help?