It's never too late...

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It's never too late...

by Linda Settles
(Rustburg, VA)

I was at Book Expo America last week exhibiting some titles that I have written. One of them chronicles with my own abusive past and tells I am dealing with it. I was standing at my booth, talking up my books, when a precious lady stopped to look at one of my books. I directed her to my book about abuse, and she listened for moment and then began to cry. I wanted to help her, to reach out to her, to heal her pain, but instead I was helpless. I asked her to call me but I know she won't. She was humiliated by her tears and there was nothing either of us could do about it.

I say all this to challenge you. If you are reading this post, then you have probably experienced abuse. If you have never processed your pain and come to terms with the effects of abuse on your life, I want to encourage you to do it now. Don't wait another year, or another moment. Every day is precious and we want to live it the best we can.

There is healing for childhood abuse. For any kind of abuse. Darlene models that with her kind expression and gentle words. All of us can learn to rise above the pain of our past and become a person of influence, a healthy participant in the marathon of life!

I want to encourage you today that it is never too late to begin the process of healing from abuse. Time alone will not heal the wounding of abuse. You would not bother to read the postings on this site, nor would you dialogue with others who share here, unless you were a brave person who is already on the path to recovery. Keep going--and never give up.

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It's never too late...

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Jun 07, 2008
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You're spot on!
by: Hayley

Hi Linda, I just read your post, and agree whole heartedly. I suffered a multitude of abuse as a kid, and never thought I would be able to lead a normal life. After counselling, something that I intend to go back to due to nightmares I started to suffer, I started to feel good again. Unfortunately I was unable to find work until last year. I have since had a period of illness, trouble with my Criminal Records Bureau check, and a severe blow to my confidence. With the help of my friends at work I have got through all of these barriers and am now doing very well. On my first Performance Review I was offered the role of Older Person's Champion, and due to my background of working with the elderly took it up. I am also having loads of fun playing ice hockey. (Actually I am out injured at the moment and going crazy as all my hockey pals are in action this weekend!) Slowly but surely I am getting over the issues that I had thrown at me, thanks to a colleague who is like a big brother. He keeps my mind on the job, he teaches me, winds me up and was a true friend when I was having the CRB hassle. Bit by bit he'll tell me something I need to stop doing, which I hadn't realised I was. the latest target of not worrying what people think of me is a bit difficult, but I know I can do it.

I also have my own room in the safe house and am loggong my ordeal as it happened best as I can remember, and my recovery from what I went through.

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Jun 07, 2008
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Submitted by: Hayley

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Hi Linda, I just read your post, and agree whole heartedly. I suffered a multitude of abuse as a kid, and never thought I would be able to lead a normal life. After counselling, something that I intend to go back to due to nightmares I started to suffer, I started to feel good again. Unfortunately I was unable to find work until last year. I have since had a period of illness, trouble with my Criminal Records Bureau check, and a severe blow to my confidence. With the help of my friends at work I have got through all of these barriers and am now doing very well. On my first Performance Review I was offered the role of Older Person's Champion, and due to my background of working with the elderly took it up. I am also having loads of fun playing ice hockey. (Actually I am out injured at the moment and going crazy as all my hockey pals are in action this weekend!) Slowly but surely I am getting over the issues that I had thrown at me, thanks to a colleague who is like a big brother. He keeps my mind on the job, he teaches me, winds me up and was a true friend when I was having the CRB hassle. Bit by bit he'll tell me something I need to stop doing, which I hadn't realised I was. the latest target of not worrying what people think of me is a bit difficult, but I know I can do it. I also have my own room in the safe house and am loggong my ordeal as it happened best as I can remember, and my recovery from what I went through.

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Jun 07, 2008
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You Go Hayley!
by: Linda Settles

I love your spirit, Hayley! And one more thing, NEVER LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
PS: I went to your room on the site. Love it.

A word of gratitude. I know Darlene spends many hours working this web site. I wish there was something we could do to say thanks to her. Any ideas?

Jun 07, 2008
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To Linda:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As I work toward getting the ongoing comments-not-going-live glitch rectified on my site; as I try to sort out among the 13 submissions currently in queue, including 4 Ask Darlene contributions and 8 story submissions; as I individually tailor the comments I want to add to those survivors who have looked to me for validation and encouragement; as I search the recesses of my brain to give detailed answers to those who have sent me their queries, including those who are in a desperate state; your comment Linda has given me such a lift.

The fact that you and Hayley and Elaine and others regularly contribute to this site in the form of supportive and encouraging comments to story contributors and OpenSpace roomholders is a huge thank you.

So I in turn extend a very heartfelt thank YOU, Linda and Hayley (and Elaine and my other regular commenters too) for all you do to help those on my site. When you help them, you help me; and that is the greatest thank you I could ever receive.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 08, 2008
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Thanks
by: Elaine Riley

Hi Linda,

It's interesting that the comments from regular contributors like you, Hayley and myself all have a theme in common. Darlene has produced this fantastic website, and it encapsulates that theme perfectly...

NEVER GIVE UP. YOU CAN TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND.

I totally agree that this is an important message to promote. For many people, the shame and embarrassment of having suffered abuse is too much to bear. Many more feel isolated and alone. Abuse still unfortunately has a "stigma" attached to it, which makes it difficult to talk about in a general sense.

But for the many people who've used this site, an opportunity has arisen to share their experiences, and to "open up". You're right in believing that this may be the first step towards recovery. If a person can face the idea of "talking" via this site, then possibly they may be able to talk more openly to a Counsellor.

It's difficult, for many, to begin this process. Perhaps their feelings are too raw? Perhaps they have tried to dissociate from the traumatic events of their abuse? Perhaps they are afraid that to seek Counselling will re-open old "wounds", and that they won't be able to deal with this?

We need messages like yours, to remind people that Counselling can help. That it can provide a listening ear, a sounding-board, a chance to talk things through. Your message also provides encouragement... to people who might otherwise worry about getting started on that road to recovery.

It's true, we can't recover alone. We all need support... and sometimes a little message of encouragement is just the right pointer in the right direction!

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Jun 08, 2008
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Submitted by: Elaine Riley

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Hi Linda, It's interesting that the comments from regular contributors like you, Hayley and myself all have a theme in common. Darlene has produced this fantastic website, and it encapsulates that theme perfectly... NEVER GIVE UP. YOU CAN TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND. I totally agree that this is an important message to promote. For many people, the shame and embarrassment of having suffered abuse is too much to bear. Many more feel isolated and alone. Abuse still unfortunately has a "stigma" attached to it, which makes it difficult to talk about in a general sense. But for the many people who've used this site, an opportunity has arisen to share their experiences, and to "open up". You're right in believing that this may be the first step towards recovery. If a person can face the idea of "talking" via this site, then possibly they may be able to talk more openly to a Counsellor. It's difficult, for many, to begin this process. Perhaps their feelings are too raw? Perhaps they have tried to dissociate from the traumatic events of their abuse? Perhaps they are afraid that to seek Counselling will re-open old "wounds", and that they won't be able to deal with this? We need messages like yours, to remind people that Counselling can help. That it can provide a listening ear, a sounding-board, a chance to talk things through. Your message also provides encouragement... to people who might otherwise worry about getting started on that road to recovery. It's true, we can't recover alone. We all need support... and sometimes a little message of encouragement is just the right pointer in the right direction!

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Jun 08, 2008
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So true!
by: Linda Settles

You are right Elaine. We are all reinforcing the same message--in different ways--Life can be better. Just keep on going, and, as you said: Never Give Up! You have probably heard about the frog who fell into the jar of cream. He just kept kicking until he churned the cream into butter and hopped right out! Well, my dear, we will just keep on kicking!!!!

Jun 09, 2008
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Re: You go Hayley
by: Hayley

Just a quick thanks Linda as I have very little time left on the computer. I cedrtainly plan to keep my sense of humour. On Saturday my mobile phone sprang into life with a joke from a friend at work. Myself and another friend regularly have a laugh and he is really helping me to over come my demons. I had better go now as time really is running out on me. Sorry it's a little bit short

Jun 10, 2008
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finishing yesterday's post
by: Hayley

Hi Linda, sorry about my message yesterday. Lately I have been somewhat lax in my messages and yesterday was no exception. I didn't really give myself much time to check what I had typed before my time on the computer was up.

I certainly do plan to keep my sense of humour, I have not had anymore jokes texted to me by my work colleague. My other friend who said that I looked grumpy on Thursday evening is a great person to be around, he keeps me laughing and keeps my mind on the job in hand, normally making the beds or helping washing a patient who may require all care or assisted care. I have my cuddly little bears to look after me as well though two of them are feeling a bit sorry for themselves after I fell on them and squashed them last night. I think they've forgiven me!

I'll leave you n peace now take care

Hayley

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