Is it child abuse if I'm not bruised or injured?

Is it child abuse if I'm not bruised or injured?

by Name Undisclosed
(USA)

I don't know if my situation is considered abuse. My mom slaps me in the face when she is angry, she punches me in the arm and back, and pulls my hair. Sometimes they leave bruises but more often they leave red marks that go away after a few hours or possibly a day. She is mean and curses at me and I am pretty sure she follows the emotional abuse one, but I don't know about physical. I am 15 now but it's been happening since 5th grade. I am in 10th grade now. In 7th grade I got a black eye from her throwing a lunch box at me. She throws other objects at me as well. I read websites to find out what abuse is and it say bruises and injury which I usually don't get.

Do you think it is abuse? What should I do? My parents are divorced but I am afraid if I tell my dad he wouldn't believe me because he doesn't live with me. I have a brother who lives with me but he never sees it happen because he is always gone when it happens. My brother does not have this happen to him. My brother loves my mom and wants to live with her.

If this is abuse I am scared It would make me and my brother get taken away from my mom. I know my brother likes it here so I would feel bad if he had to go since he is safe. What would happen if I tell? Would I automatically be placed with my father? Would my brother go too? Would the people believe me if I don't have bruising proof to show them? I don't bruise easily. What would happen to my mother, the one how is doing this? Can I please have your advice on this situation.

Thxs

Reply from Darlene: Physical injury or bruising does not have to be present for actions to be considered physical child abuse. If you read through the page on this site titled physical child abuse you'll find that the definition includes may result in physical injury.

You said your mother slaps you in the face, she punches you in the arm and back, and she pulls your hair. What she is doing is NOT discipline, it is child abuse. Out of anger, your mother could cause serious harm to you; degree of force used is an issue. Whether or not it fits the legal definition depends on the State in which you live. The sad reality is that when bruising and injuries are present, child abuse is much easier to prove.

Remainder of reply from Darlene to this Ask Darlene question "Is it child abuse if I'm not bruised?" can be found below.

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Is it child abuse if I'm not bruised or injured?

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May 27, 2008

TELL someone...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You and I both know that you have been adversely affected by the way your mother treats you, so whether or not a child abuse label can be placed on her actions, clearly, you need help dealing with the emotional repercussions of a mother who has singled you out for abuse.

I want you to know that NONE of what's happening to you is your fault. You are NOT to blame for the way your mother treats you. No matter what you do, you do not deserve to be mistreated. An article I wrote on this site titled Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse may help you to better understand that this is about your mother; not you.

You need to talk to someone, perhaps a teacher, a school counsellor, a coach, an adult you trust. Another resource is Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose what your mother is doing to you; and I believe you should disclose. You deserve this kind of help.

As for the legal side of things, each State has their own laws that govern Child Protective Services (CPS) and allegations of abuse. Unless there is "immediate" danger to the child, very few children are actually removed from a home. It is possible that CPS would require your mother to attend anger management and parenting classes. It is the job of CPS to investigate allegations of abuse. One of three determinations results from an investigation. The allegation of abuse is:

substantiated (proven to be factual)
unsubstantiated (unproven/not enough evidence)
unfounded (proven to be false)

I am not an attorney, so I cannot say what would happen in your situation with respect to the issue of custody if CPS substantiated the abuse. Given your age, it is possible (heavy emphasis on the word possible) that you would have a say with regard to which parent you want to live with; but I cannot say that with any degree of certainty. Much depends on where you live.

I am more concerned about your safety. You do not deserve to be mistreated. Please TELL someone who can help you. Keep telling until someone DOES help you.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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May 27, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Title

Comment
You and I both know that you have been adversely affected by the way your mother treats you, so whether or not a child abuse label can be placed on her actions, clearly, you need help dealing with the emotional repercussions of a mother who has singled you out for abuse. I want you to know that NONE of what's happening to you is your fault. You are NOT to blame for the way your mother treats you. No matter what you do, you do not deserve to be mistreated. An article I wrote on this site titled <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/why-parents-target-a-specific-child-for-abuse.html">Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse</a> may help you to better understand that this is about your mother; not you. You need to talk to someone, perhaps a teacher, a school counsellor, a coach, an adult you trust. Another resource is <a href="http://www.childhelp.org/get_help" target="_blank" ref="NOFOLLOW">Child Help</a> at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose what your mother is doing to you; and I believe you <i>should</i> disclose. You deserve this kind of help. As for the legal side of things, each State has their own laws that govern Child Protective Services (CPS) and allegations of abuse. Unless there is "immediate" danger to the child, very few children are actually removed from a home. It is possible that CPS would require your mother to attend anger management and parenting classes. It is the job of CPS to investigate allegations of abuse. One of three determinations results from an investigation. The allegation of abuse is:<ul><li>substantiated (proven to be factual)</li><li>unsubstantiated (unproven/not enough evidence)</li><li>unfounded (proven to be false)</li></ul>I am not an attorney, so I cannot say what would happen in your situation with respect to the issue of custody if CPS substantiated the abuse. Given your age, it is possible (heavy emphasis on the word possible) that you would have a say with regard to which parent you want to live with; but I cannot say that with any degree of certainty. Much depends on where you live. I am more concerned about your safety. You do not deserve to be mistreated. Please TELL someone who can help you. Keep telling until someone DOES help you. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html"><I>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</I></a>

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May 27, 2008

Same here
by: Francine

Honey, I know how you feel and I am so sorry that you don't have a good mother; mine, too, abuses me. You should call the police on your mother cuz you don't deserve to be abused! You might want to try a lot of counselling cuz you are worth getting the help for yourself. Take care, sweetie, and I will pray for you.

May 28, 2008

Reply
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your time. This topic is very hard for me so you have helped a lot. I was wondering if you could help me. I am having trouble believing that this is truely abuse. I can't make myself believe it. I have been writting to my teacher anonymously and asking more opinions because one is not enough to persade me. I have been living in an imaginary world my entire life and waking up to reality is hard. I don't know if I can become strong enough to tell. I am scared.

May 28, 2008

I understand how you feel. . .
by: Ashley (desire b.)

I believe child abuse can be physical, internal, and by words. The fact that your mother hits you, but does not always leave bruises is horrible. I agree with Darlene completely. maybe, if you just tried to tell someone, they might believe you, but i understand that you love your mother and do not won't anything to happen to her, but sometimes you have to do whats best for you.

Jun 01, 2008

Reply
by: Anonymous

Thank you for everyones time. This website is amazing!! It shows me what real family is. I feel close to people here even though I have never met them. I can relate to many stories. It has given me so much hope and courage. I finally told my father and I am going to try to get full coustody with him. My dad said that requires going to court which he cant afford. I don't want to be selfish and make him go broke because he barely has enough money as it is. He said he will do it for me but I know he doesn't have the money. I think I could stay with my mom for 2 more years until college. It's not that long to be selfish to my father. I would like to move in with my father but i would never make him pay for that. Does anyone have any advice?

Jun 12, 2008

YES
by: Anonymous

OF COURSE ITS CHILD ABUSE WHEN UR MOTHER DOES THAT!!! NOT EVERY1 BRUISES WHEN THUR HIT. TELL SOMEONE!!!!!

Jul 11, 2008

I know how you feel.
by: T&L

Both my parents have abused me. I also don't want anything to happen to my little brother. Hes only 4 and doesn't know whats going on most of the time. Hes told my mom to knock it off and to feed me when I lived in our motorhome. In 6 months I'll be 18 but this has been happning to me since I was 10.

My boyfriend has really been helping me out alot with this. His family understands what this is going on and want me to get out of there.

Aug 31, 2008

Child Abuse in Schools
by: Anonymous

***Comment moved by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

Note From Darlene: Anonymous, your comment was too valuable to keep buried in this thread. In order to give it more exposure, I've built a new page for it at Child Abuse in Schools. I've included my own comments below that article that support your position. Thank you for submitting your post, and please feel free to comment further.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Is it child abuse if I'm not bruised or injured?

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Is it child abuse if I'm not bruised or injured?