How do I deal with the guilt?

Mar 08, 2008

Guilt is NOT yours to shoulder...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It is not unusual for a child abuse course or workshop to trigger memories like this, Caroline. The human brain does what it must in order to cope with unpleasant and horrific events from the past. It is not uncommon for these memories to revisit us, sometimes much later in life.

Caroline, I wrote a response this morning about shame and guilt and embarrassment to Jessica, a story contributor to my site. Please read those comments titled Nauseated, yes; self-blame, no . While your situation is somewhat different than Jessica's, I would respond to you in much the same way I responded to her. I believe much of what I wrote can help you, in particular, my comments on applying adult values to the decisions that children make, and the recommendation that she seek out some form of counselling.

Your perception is what needs to be addressed here, Caroline. A counsellor can help you with that. A counsellor can help you to understand that none of what happened was your fault AND that you have nothing—and I do mean NOTHING—to feel guilty for. Your father was a sex offender; he had all the power. You had none. I can only hope that his conviction led to a great deal of prison time. YOU and his stepdaughter deserved that kind of justice. Now, as an adult, you must take steps to take care of yourself; I see counselling as the next necessary step.

Please let us know how you fare with all of this.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Mar 08, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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It is not unusual for a child abuse course or workshop to trigger memories like this, Caroline. The human brain does what it must in order to cope with unpleasant and horrific events from the past. It is not uncommon for these memories to revisit us, sometimes much later in life. Caroline, I wrote a response this morning about shame and guilt and embarrassment to Jessica, a story contributor to my site. Please read those comments titled <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/child-abuse-story-from-jessica1.html#comments">Nauseated, yes; self-blame, no </a>. While your situation is somewhat different than Jessica's, I would respond to you in much the same way I responded to her. I believe much of what I wrote can help you, in particular, my comments on applying adult values to the decisions that children make, and the recommendation that she seek out some form of counselling. Your perception is what needs to be addressed here, Caroline. A counsellor can help you with that. A counsellor can help you to understand that none of what happened was your fault AND that you have nothing—and I do mean NOTHING—to feel guilty for. Your father was a sex offender; he had all the power. You had none. I can only hope that his conviction led to a great deal of prison time. YOU and his stepdaughter deserved that kind of justice. Now, as an adult, you must take steps to take care of yourself; I see counselling as the next necessary step. Please let us know how you fare with all of this. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html"><I>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</I></a>

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How do I deal with the guilt?

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