Home
Sitemap
My Blog
Awakening
OpenSpace
Child Abuse News
Write a Commentary
The Lighter Side
My Story
Statistics
C/A History
Emotional Abuse
Types of E.A.
Signs of E.A.
Effects of E.A.
- Bullying
Stats for E.A.
Physical Abuse
Signs of P.A.
Abuse/Dis'pln
Effects of P.A.
Stats for P.A.
Child Neglect
Signs of C.N.
Effects of C.N.
Stats for C.N.
Poverty & C.N.
Sexual Abuse
Definition S.A.
Signs of S.A.
Effects of S.A.
Stats of S.A.
Sexual Abuse Victims
Male Victims
Female Victims
V w/ Disability
Disclosures
Sex Offenders
Male S.O.
Female S.O.
Child S.O.
Youth S.O.
Incest S.O.
Internet S.O.
Child Abuse Law
Age-Majority
Duty-Report
Intervention
Prevention
Stories of Healing
Child Abuse Stories
Exch w/ an Abuser
Visitor Comments
Letters from Readers
Link to this Site
Resources
FREE E-zine
Ask Darlene
Dating Violence
Privacy Policy
Site Search

How can I help?

by Victoria
(Radstock, United Kingdom)

My friend is 13 and is abused. I am the same age, so I don't know how I can help. I feel powerless, and I know she is. She told me this a while ago, and I have tried to persuade her to tell her Nan, but I don't know if she will. If and when her mum finds out, she will be in a lot of physical trouble. She has marks on her because of her mum, who has left scratches from pinching and bruises from throwing things at her. My friend has younger siblings who don't understand what is happening to their big sister. They don't know it is wrong.
How can I help my friend without getting her into serious trouble? Last time she phoned Child Line for help, her mother beat her after Social Services came around and she covered everything up. I need to help her! But how?

Note from Darlene: My answer can be found below.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are strictly prohibited.

Comments for
How can I help?

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 01, 2008
 Some pages to read on this site...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand your feelings of powerlessness, Victoria, but if your friend refuses to help him/herself, you are extremely limited as to how you can help him or her directly.

I suggest you be the one to tell adults you trust: your parents, grandparents, a teacher or counsellor in school, someone who can help convince your friend he or she must disclose. But as long as your friend continues to cover up what his or her mother is doing, Social Services cannot do their job. When children refuse to disclose, the agencies that are there to protect them cannot do anything to help them.

Your friend has a very low self-esteem; your friend needs to learn that he or she is worthy of protection and love and nurturing, that he or she is NOT deserving of abuse. Your friend is also suffering from emotional abuse, which leaves a child believing they deserve the abuse they are dealing with. Read through my various emotional abuse pages on this site, listed on my navigation bar on the left, in particular, emotional abuse effects and types of emotional abuse for more information.

My child abuse intervention page will further help you understand what is going on with your friend, Victoria. Follow the H.E.A.R.S method I describe on that page. Even though your friend may not yet be ready to disclose to the authorities, you can still hear, empathize, acknowledge and then encourage your friend to report. It can be very stressful to listen to the details of a friend's abusive environment, so don't forget self-care; you have to remember to take care of yourself.

And Victoria, you really are a good friend to care so much.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jan 01, 2008
 True Friendship
by: Brian

Victoria

God bless you for being a true friend.I only wish I had friend like you as child.

The best advice I can give you Victoria,is continue to be that soft place,for your friend,a shoulder to lean on when times a rough knowing you are there,will give your friend the strength and courage
to overcome the abuse,and receive the help and protection she needs.

Please take Darlene's advice and read the articles on this site,it is a great resource,that will help you understand child abuse.

It's tragic that are hands are tied,when it comes to certain circumstances concerning child abuse.

However,don't give up hope,and continue to support and love your friend,maybe that is all that will be needed for your friend to find belief in herself and realize she is loved,and will seek the help she needs.

Thanks Victoria for sharing your story,and please
lets us know how you are doing,and just know that we understand and offer our love and support to you and your friend.

God Bless
Jan 05, 2008
 THANKYOU
by: victoria (i wrote the question)

hi
Just to say thankyou soo much for helping me. i have sorted the problem. In the end i went to this girls nan who has now took my friend into her care. I see her all the time and she is so grateful and happy her siblings are also living with their nan and they are all are getting used to it and a better life. I can't tell u how pleased i am i asked for help!And it is the most amazing felling seeing my friend change from the shy person she is to someone completly diffrent and so amazing after all she has been through!!
so THANKS
XX TOR
Jan 05, 2008
 Fantastic news...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you, Victoria, for reporting back. I'm delighted to learn that your friend is now in a safe place, and that you found the responses here so helpful. You really are a wonderful friend. Keep up the great work!

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jan 06, 2008
 Be a good friend
by: Anonymous

Seriously don't keep it covered up. Every single time I hear a story like this, Child Services is being STUPID! Why did they not do anything before. If your friend has the proof of child abuse (bruises, scratch marks, etc.) someone should be able to help her. Tell an adult but also explain the severity of the matter if your friend's mother were to find out what you know. Maybe a child can't stop them, but an adult can. Until then, just keep being a friend to her. *runs off to yell at child services for stupidity*
May 31, 2008
 Victoria
by: My friend self harms, what should i do?

***Moved to this page by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

I'm 13 and my friend is 14 we are both girls and really good mates.
I used to self harm when i was younger because of my step dad and problems there but recently i have noticed that my friend is doing it. She wont admit it but i know the signs.
I'm not sure how to get her to talk and i also know her mother is abusing her. Her younger sister told me accidnelty that "mummy does mean things to Elysia" and that can i "please make it stop" her sisters only 6 and i dont want ither of them getting hurt. She was terrified when she told me this afterwards scared of getting introuble which makes me think shes getting hurt too.
I cant let them go through it because i have been there done that and i know how awful it is. Yet that was me and i dnt know how to stop Elysia from hurting herself. She wont admit it and seems embarassed but i have seen the cuts on her legs which proves she doesnt want to be seen (i used to do it there because i knew no one would notice)
What shold i do please help i cant see her hurt like this or her little sister!?!?
May 31, 2008
 To Victoria:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I refer you back to my original answer. Also, consider contacting ChildLine on 0800 1111 for more help that might be available to you and your friend locally. Check out their website at www.donthideit.com.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Click here to add your own comments