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Healing Advice From a UK Social Worker
by Elaine
(Lancashire, UK)
First of all, thank-you to the kind individuals who offered their comments and support after my previous child abuse story. I have requested counselling via my GP, but, living in the UK, there is a huge waiting list for this (on average, 6 months). I've also received some support via my employer's Welfare scheme, but it's a slow process. As you can imagine, the abuse that I had written about is only the tip of a very large iceberg - as is probably the case for many of the other individuals who have contributed their stories.
I'd said that I'm now a qualified Social Worker. I chose this career pathway for 2 reasons - to help me make sense of my own experiences; and to use this to help others. Even if I cannot change what happened to me, I might be able to change what might happen to someone else! In the UK it's sad, but issues like Child Abuse never seem to be taken seriously enough.
For that reason, I'd like to offer some advice to anyone who may currently be suffering:
- ABUSE IS ABOUT CONTROL...and there ARE things you can do to get that control back.
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE...try to remember that what you are experiencing may have happened somewhere else to someone else.
- YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME...abusers want you to believe that somehow you are at fault, are responsible. DO NOT allow yourself to internalise this blame. It is the abuser, not you, who is at fault.
- THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE...your abuser may try to find many ways to justify what is happening. They may try to give you numerous explanations as to why the abuse occurs, each different from the last. It is ABUSIVE in its own right to make up these tales. They are an attempt at passing the blame.
- SPEAK OUT...abusers feed on your isolation and fear. Tell someone...a teacher, a friend, a relative, your Girl Guide or Boy Scout leader, your Soccer coach, your Church minister...anyone. Find someone you feel safe to talk to. They may be able to help.
- GET INFORMED...there are many sources of help and advice. Try the Internet, or telephone Helplines. In some places, there may be self-help or support groups. Youth-workers and Social Workers may be more approachable than you think. So may your GP. The more clued up you are, the better.
- LEARN TO TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS...we all have "gut reactions" or get "vibes". If yours are telling you something or someone is "bad" or "odd", "strange" or "doesn't feel right" then this may well be the case. If you feel suspicious, that something isn't "normal", don't worry, you're not being paranoid (yet!) - talk to someone before the real paranoia has any way to set in.
- STAY STRONG...try to remember that you are NOT "bad" or "horrible" or whatever else you may think. You are a courageous person, with just as much ability and just as many likeable qualities as anyone else. You are just going through a very bad time, and this makes you feel down, and negative about yourself. Remember, it is your courage and strength that are keeping you going - and they are GOOD qualities, not bad.
This article titled "Healing Advice From a UK Social Worker" was originally posted to Child Abuse Articles page on this site October 9, 2007
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