Girlfriend Sexually Abused by Father

by XYZ

I had a girlfriend for 2 years. She was from a nice family and everyone in her family were supposed to be very kind people. I and my girlfriend were spending lots of time together. We started visiting each others houses in no matter of time and started making up in bed.

After a year of our relation, we both loving each other to the core, I said everything about my past. But she said she didn't have any past.

Year and half later when I was not happy with her unusual behavior, she confessed me one day that she is not good person. She had sex with her father at the age of 11 and kept on doing it till he died when she was 20. After loving her for 2 years I was surprised by this, but still I managed to support her in all aspects. Problem with me now is that I can't sleep with her because I recollect all the things she had done with her father (and our relation started just before a month her father died).

I don't know what to do. Sometimes I believe that she must have killed her father. Sometimes it's like she must have slept with many guys as she is very addicted to sex and her father was an old man. I don't know what could have gone wrong with this girl. We are broke up now, but if I find her innocent then I am thinking of marrying her.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

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Comments for Girlfriend Sexually Abused by Father

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Sep 09, 2009
I cannot be strong enough in saying you are not thinking right about this...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've got this all wrong, XYZ. Your girlfriend was the VICTIM, not the perpetrator. Her FATHER was a child molester. Don't EVER blame her for what her father did to her: he sexually assaulted her for years! And if you think it is her fault and that she is somehow guilty or responsible, it is better that you not get back together with her in any way shape or form. She is better off without such prejudice in her life, especially after enduring horrible abuse at the hands of the man who was supposed to protect her and keep her safe from harm. Please read through the various sexual abuse pages on this site to get educated on what sexual child abuse is, how it affects the child, and how it is NEVER EVER the fault of the child. You'll find those pages on the left hand margin navigation bar.

I must be honest here, XYZ, the only two reasons I considered posted your submission (I seriously considered NOT posting it) was to ensure you understand that your girlfriend did NOTHING WRONG, and that visitors to this site recognize that there is still wrong-thinking going on about sexual child abuse; wrong-thinking that I feel must be addressed.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Sep 09, 2009
Honesty/Trust and respect for each other are basic ingredients to build a relationship
by: maurice

She ws totally honest with you, she trusted you, sensing you were ready to value and respect her in the telling of the truth. It is you who needs to learn the ingredients which make for building a Relationship of genuine and true LOVE. She was abused sexually by a child molester all her life. she was traumatised, she was fearful, she was scared to trust someone with her the horrific experiences of being sexually abused by her so called Father. She was reaching out to you sensing your care and love for each other was at a level where you would understand/value and respect her trusting you by telling you of her abuse. For someone who was absued the most difficult thing for them to do is TRUST. She is a very brave and strong woman. She does not need people like you in her life. She need real love from friends who will walk with her, help her to get all the help she needs to heal from all the years of sexual abuse. Read Darlene her comment speaks for itsefl and from her heart and professional understanding of abuse. So XYZ get a real sense of yourself, answer the question Who am I. Your friend was sincere and genuine. were you fair to her.

Sep 17, 2009
Ignorance Is Bliss....FOR YOU.
by: Anonymous

I am truly offended by this posting. It is ignorant cruel men like you that need to be educated so you can understand...maybe. I was molested by my father when I was 4. My advice to you is to stay away from her. Let her find someone who actually deserves her, because you truly obviously DO NOT.

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