Does abuse "disable" us?

by Elaine Riley
(Lancashire, United Kingdom)

As a sufferer of childhood abuse, I've already shared some of my (albeit less painful!) experiences with you...But this led me to do some thinking...

I'm now employed as a qualified Social Worker in the U.K., and through a combination of my personal experiences, and daily work, I came to the conclusion that abuse happens for a reason, however skewed that may be. It happens because people are a complex bundle of emotions, experiences and personality traits; all of these coexist within an individual, who is simultaneously affected by the external "forces" of society.

In a nutshell...my own experience of abuse, for example, came about as a result of my mother's mental health problems, and my father's resultant emotional and physical "burnout". Abuse is basically the legacy of what is "going on" for the abuser. It is about the abuser. The abuser has "the problem", so to speak!

But what about the victim?

Abuse affects this person; it "changes" them. Since my abuse, I have suffered from low self-esteem, negative thoughts about myself (including the belief that I am fat, ugly and useless), from anxiety and from distinct discomfort when encountering quite a wide rage of what might be classed as everyday social situations. I find it hard to trust, hard to make decisions, hard to make time for myself. I still judge myself first and foremost by others' standards, and put other people's needs first.
I've fought hard against this negative legacy. I've pushed myself to the limits at times, trying to make up for all the opportunities I thought I'd missed; trying to give myself a sense of worth, of stability, of achievement. Trying to distance myself from the past. At times, this has driven me to the point of exhaustion - both mental and physical. I wonder how many of you out there can identify with this?

There's a Social Work theory called the "Biopsychosocial Model" which postulates that we are all the results of our genetics, our environment and our experiences. It argues that unique combinations of these elements give us our individuality. This model has been at the forefront of developments in the law, and has made it easier to champion the rights of disabled people, ethnic minorities, lesbians and gays. You could argue, for instance, that a man in a wheelchair is made to be disabled by a building that does not have ramp access - hence ramps are introduced. Legislation can be amended to take account of the viewpoints and needs of those in the minority, as opposed to the majority.

Where does abuse come into this? Well, not everyone experiences it; and from my point of view, for those who do, it can be a very debilitating occurrence. To be made to feel vulnerable, worthless and low is to be excluded somehow from ones' rightful place in society. Everyone deserves an equal start; this is provided via affirmation, praise, support, care and love. How hard is it for the abused person to "fit in"? Can you hold down a job if you fear authority and feel insignificant? Can you have a fulfilling marriage if you were sexually abused? Do you deserve to be bullied at school because you are the neglected, dirty child? Abuse clearly places the victim at a long term disadvantage, as they do not have a "normal" experience of society.

Surely in an age where we have the Human Rights Act 1998, which gives each and every one of us equal rights, to have been abused is to be disabled. If disability may be defined as the act of somehow being excluded from "mainstream" society, then how many of us might agree that our experiences of abuse have disabled us?

This article titled "Does abuse "disable" us?" was originally posted to Child Abuse Articles page on this site February 12, 2008