Dating Violence Story From Amy

by Amy
(Location Undisclosed)

About 3 years ago i met this guy named C. At the time, i was already in a relationship, but after a few months of talking to C, i decided I'd rather be with him. I broke up with my boyfriend and started dating C 2 days later. Everything was perfect, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

A few months later when school started, my sophomore year, things started to get shaky. Since he didn't see me as much, he wanted to control everything i did, but i still had some control over our relationship so we'd talk things out and come to an agreement.
By the beginning of 2009, things were getting worse. I found out he'd cheated on me with about 9 girls...but he said it was the past and it wouldnt happen again. Whenever i'd bring it up or get upset about it, he'd slap me and tell me to get over it.
In May 2009, C went to jail for domestic violence against his mom, and he got out 3 days later. But about a week later, he went back for a bomb threat. He was in jail until July 2009. The whole time he wrote me letters telling me how he'd changed and when he got out he was going to treat me like a princess. I had cheated on him while he was in jail..and i knew if he ever found out he'd go crazy so i swore i'd never tell him.
In July, 3 days after he got out, someone wrote a note to him telling him all the things I'd done with different guys while he was gone (most of it wasn't even true). I was sitting on his bed while he read the letter to me, and when he was done he asked me if it was true and i simply said no, and he punched me in the face, knocking me out. That was the first time something like this had happened...and it only got worse.
C wouldn't let me talk to any of my friends. I wasn't allowed to take pictures with them, hangout with them, or talk to them at school. He deleted everyone out of my phone except for himself and my family.
There were so many occasions of C getting mad at me for something dumb, like wanting to go out to eat, to the beach, or to a movie, and he'd solve it by strangling me until I'd just black out...so he didnt have to put up with the problem anymore.
I was sitting in his room on the phone with my brother once, and out of no where he came in and just back-handed me, dislocating my jaw.
One night, me and C were camping and he forced me to do ecstasy and acid together. The thought of doing those drugs freaked me out enough, but the side effects of taking them together almost killed me. I almost had a heart attack, while C just laid there telling me I was fine and to stop complaining.
In November 2009, my junior year, i was completely tired of how he was treating me. I met this other guy, N, and we started talking.
I was at C's one night, and he got mad at me for saying me and a friend wanted to see Dane Cook live for our 18th birthdays. Two of his friends came over, and we were all talking about it. We left and went to a weight room across the street. Somehow the subject changed to how C thought i was a cheating whore, and he got so mad he just started punching the metal doors. I left and went back to his room to get away from it. When C came back, he sat on the bed next to me and said "Amy, if you've ever cheated on me, tell me now." For some reason, i thought nothing would happen, so i told him about one time when i did cheat on him. He raised his fist like he was going to hit me, but instead he just ran outside. I went outside to see where he went. One of his friends was sitting on the front steps, and i asked where he went but he said he didnt know. Right then, we both looked at my car and the entire front windshield was broken in, then we saw C a little ways away. J, his friend, just took off running towards him and they started fighting...then they stopped and J went inside because he said it wasnt worth it. Me, being the idiot, followed C. He started punching out street lights and i just kept telling him how sorry i was. All of a sudden he turned around and elbowed me in my face, and then punched me. All i really remember is that it got really quiet, like i couldnt hear, and i just fell backwards, and everything felt slow motion. I could feel blood pouring down my throat from my nose, so i rolled over and blood just poured out of my mouth and nose onto the ground. I remember laying there in a puddle of blood until C's mom came out and got me.
He took my phone so i couldn't call anyone to leave, so in the morning C's mom went and got me a new windshield... and we pretended like nothing even happened.
There were so many other times where C had hit me or strangled me that I cant even remember the stories to. He gave me 3 concussions, a fractured nose, and a dislocated jaw all in about 3 months.
In December 2009, i finally decided I'd had enough. I told my parents i was talking to a different guy, N, and C wouldn't leave me alone or stop threatening me. They never knew about him abusing me...but they decided if he didn't stop talking to me, they would get a restraining order.
C eventually stopped, but to this day he still says he loves me and wants to be with me, and that he's changed.
If it wasn't for N, i know i wouldn't of made it to 2010. He made me realize there's so much better out there. I thought C acted the way he did because he loved me. I was totally wrong, he wanted to control me, and that isn't love.
I've been with N for 9 months now, and i couldn't be happier. He's shown me what its like to have a healthy, loving relationship, and i couldn't ask for more.
I'm only 17 years old, and I've looked death in the face more than most people can even imagine. This whole experience has made me stronger as a person and I'm truly thankful for that.
I wish other girls who are in the same situation would realize that what their boyfriends are doing isn't love like they think it is. I know they'll say over and over again that it'll never happen again and they're sorry, but it's only going to get worse.
I look back and think how stupid i was for staying with him and putting up with it thinking he'd change...in all reality i knew he wouldn't.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Dating Violence Story From Amy

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Aug 06, 2010
Amy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What you described your relationship to be is so very typical of violent abusers. And while I'm delighted that you did tell your parents and they helped to protect you and get you out of this situation, what I don't understand is how they didn't know that you were in a violent relationship when you had all those obvious injuries. That is perplexing to me.

Thank you for sharing your story and your very important messages with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?


Aug 07, 2010
Mrs.R.
by: Anonymous

Hi Amy, I think you are pretty fortunate that C. has let you go and is not stalking you like many do. Consider yourself lucky that you came to your senses when you did; there would have been no future with a person like C.
To any young person reading this Amy's first clues were when she noticed that C. wanted to take control. That is a big "Red Flag" get out then don't get taken in by false promises, actions speak louder than words.
Good luck Amy and always rely on your senses if it looks too good tread carefully!

Aug 11, 2010
You're lucky
by: BMW Princess

You are lucky you got out and you deserve better.

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