Confused by Accused Child Predator

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Confused by Accused Child Predator

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I'm confused. My mom is with an accused child predator but he says the wife accused him because he caught her cheating on him. A lot of people agree or say it is fact, but still he was accused and now has lifetime parole...I don't know what to think but I've been hurt a lot by different father figures that I've had and been molested myself and am afraid that this guy will repeat the act either on myself or one of my five brothers and don't know what to think of the whole situation because I wasn't there and I don't know for fact that he did or did not commit the accused crime...

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Confused by Accused Child Predator

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Apr 24, 2009

Part 1: If he's on "parole" he's been convicted of something...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You said this man is on "parole". That is a HUGE red flag. I'm not a lawyer, but if he's on parole for the crime of being a child predator, then he would have served jail time after being convicted of the crime and is now out after serving only some of his sentence. If you meant that he's on "probation", then the judge would have specified restrictions on him for the probationary period. Either way, this means he was found guilty of a crime. Either scenario means he is not in jail but that staying out of jail is conditional upon his good behaviour. If his parole is for the crime of child predation rather than some other crime, this is a whole lot more complicated than mere accusations by a spiteful wife.

Your mother is accepting a risk here; therefore, you must do what you must in order to keep yourself safe. I'm not saying that you AREN'T safe. I'm not trying to frighten you. I want to empower you. I want you to listen to your gut instinct, that little voice that tells you if and when something isn't right. Sometimes it causes those little hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. Sometimes you'll feel it in the pit of your stomach. Sometimes it's just a feeling.

You said you've been molested before. I hope you've told someone. I hope you've talked to your mother. She needs to know that this happened to you. She needs to know that you feel unsafe, in part because of what has happened to you in the past, and in part, because you understandably have difficulty trusting the men in your life. You said these men were "father figures"...I gather your mother has allowed other men into your life who wronged you. If this is the cases, she's making very poor choices and putting her children at risk.

See Part 2: Empower yourself... below.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Apr 24, 2009
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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You said this man is on "parole". That is a HUGE red flag. I'm not a lawyer, but if he's on parole for the crime of being a child predator, then he would have served jail time after being convicted of the crime and is now out after serving only some of his sentence. If you meant that he's on "probation", then the judge would have specified restrictions on him for the probationary period. Either way, this means he was found guilty of a crime. Either scenario means he is not in jail but that staying out of jail is conditional upon his good behaviour. If his parole is for the crime of child predation rather than some other crime, this is a whole lot more complicated than mere accusations by a spiteful wife. Your mother is accepting a risk here; therefore, you must do what you must in order to keep yourself safe. I'm not saying that you AREN'T safe. I'm not trying to frighten you. I want to empower you. I want you to listen to your gut instinct, that little voice that tells you if and when something isn't right. Sometimes it causes those little hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. Sometimes you'll feel it in the pit of your stomach. Sometimes it's just a feeling. You said you've been molested before. I hope you've told someone. I hope you've talked to your mother. She needs to know that this happened to you. She needs to know that you feel unsafe, in part because of what has happened to you in the past, and in part, because you understandably have difficulty trusting the men in your life. You said these men were "father figures"...I gather your mother has allowed other men into your life who wronged you. If this is the cases, she's making very poor choices and putting her children at risk. See Part 2: Empower yourself... below. <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html#videoreading"><img src="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/images/Chapter12MrWhitakerSnap2.jpg" border="0" title="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" alt="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" align="left" hspace=5 vspace=5></a> Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html" title="On My Own Terms, A Memoir">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Apr 24, 2009

Part 2: Empower yourself...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If you fear this man, don't allow yourself to EVER be alone with him. If he is at home while your mother is not, then go visit a friend until you know she is home. Keep your friends close. Keep them informed of everything going on in your life. Don't allow yourself to be isolated. Talk to a school counsellor and tell him/her that you are very concerned and confused about all this, and that you also fear for the safety of your brothers.

Contact the people at Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting abuse. Don't go looking for anything to happen, but report anything inappropriate that does happen. Don't keep secrets. Educate yourself about child abuse, what it is, why it happens, and how to tell when it is happening. Check out the navbar on the left; you'll find loads of information on this site.

Get involved with school and after-school activities. Keep yourself busy. Focus on the positive things in your life: friends, special relationships, stuff you enjoy doing, sports activities, causes you're interested in. In short, don't allow your fear and confusion to overtake your life. You have power when you are knowledgeable and unafraid to speak up. But you must speak up first. Don't try to do this alone. There are people who are willing to help you, but you must reach out to them. Call Child Help. You and your brothers deserve to stay safe.

Thank you for sharing your story and concerns with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Apr 24, 2009
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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If you fear this man, don't allow yourself to EVER be alone with him. If he is at home while your mother is not, then go visit a friend until you know she is home. Keep your friends close. Keep them informed of everything going on in your life. Don't allow yourself to be isolated. Talk to a school counsellor and tell him/her that you are very concerned and confused about all this, and that you also fear for the safety of your brothers. Contact the people at <a href="http://www.childhelp.org/get_help" target="_"blank rel="nofollow">Child Help</a> at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting abuse. Don't go looking for anything to happen, but report anything inappropriate that does happen. Don't keep secrets. Educate yourself about child abuse, what it is, why it happens, and how to tell when it is happening. Check out the navbar on the left; you'll find loads of information on this site. Get involved with school and after-school activities. Keep yourself busy. Focus on the positive things in your life: friends, special relationships, stuff you enjoy doing, sports activities, causes you're interested in. In short, don't allow your fear and confusion to overtake your life. You have power when you are knowledgeable and unafraid to speak up. But you must speak up first. Don't try to do this alone. There are people who are willing to help you, but you must reach out to them. Call Child Help. You and your brothers deserve to stay safe. Thank you for sharing your story and concerns with my visitors and me. <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html#videoreading"><img src="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/images/Chapter12MrWhitakerSnap2.jpg" border="0" title="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" alt="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" align="left" hspace=5 vspace=5></a> Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html" title="On My Own Terms, A Memoir">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Apr 24, 2009

It's so hard...
by: Anonymous

I wish I knew something to say that would be the right answer.
My stomach churns as I type. Darlene, You are giving us the greatest gift here, to be heard, acknowledged. To be able to speak of secrets that have only a child would keep. I will be back here, thank you.
And God bless this child.

From Darlene: Sadly, sometimes there are no answers, let alone right answers.

I thank you for the accolades, Anonymous. Supportive people like you, who come here and comment to visitors who have disclosed, help to make this site what it is: validating, encouraging and interactive. Thank YOU.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 24, 2009

I too am confused
by: maurice

Does the legal system really understand the abuser of the innocent child/teenager/adolecent.? I cringe when I hear and read in the papers that a predator is free without restrictions and people knowing where they live. I just read in my local paper those in prison for abuse will be let out sooner if they do the the training/courses/counselling provided for them in the prison. That confuses me. I know there are levels of people who abuse and some can be helped. for me though I am not a 100% belever in the legal systems way of dealing with the abuser. The abused live in fear of it happening to them again especially if the feel vunerable still from what happened to them. Care for the abused more I say. Yes, there is confusion, Thanks again to Darlene' words of love for you. Empower yourself and your brothers. make them aware of him. Your mother is taking a big risk, hopefully she knows what she is doing. her first priority is your protection and love for you and your brothers.

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Confused by Accused Child Predator

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