Child Abuse - The Lasting Legacy
by Elaine Ellis
(Lancashire, UK)
Abuse is an immediate thing. It happens at a specific point in time. If you are being hit, you KNOW you are being hit...
The effects of this abuse are devastating. Obviously, there are instant repercussions. If you are injured by an abuser, you may end up in Hospital, or visiting the G.P. You may become unwell as a result of neglect.
But abuse is much more complicated and problematic than just this. The immediate effects are serious, and a major cause for concern. Unfortunately, childhood abuse can have much longer-lasting effects; and these can be the source of trouble for many years after. Such effects are often overlooked, or under-reported and infrequently investigated. Often, the links between earlier abuse and later problems in life are missed.
A child brought up in an abusive environment is subject to many factors. ALL children require specific conditions in which to thrive, many of which are absent for those experiencing abuse. Abusers require specific conditions in which to operate, and it is the effects of these, combined with the overall trauma of the abuse itself, that can have such devastating long-term consequences.
Children need love, attention and a nurturing environment in which to do well. They need caring parents who are responsible and readily available. They need positive feedback, praise and encouragement. Such factors are often absent for the abused child. A child who is physically harmed, or emotionally tormented; a child who is repeatedly made to feel at fault, deficient, or to blame; a child who is told they are ugly or stupid or unwanted - this child may well grow up with a chronic lack of self-confidence. Our self-esteem is hugely affected by comments made by others, and by insensitive and cruel behaviour towards us. The more we are told we are "bad", and the more we are physically harmed as a result of "deficiencies" that others perceive in us, the more our self-esteem is undermined.
Signs of such low self-esteem often appear as eating disorders, depression, obsessive-compulsive or ritualistic behaviours. The person may feel compelled to behave in a certain way towards others, often to try to "win" affection. They may be very "needy" or, conversely, very distant. They may abuse alcohol or drugs in an attempt to escape the reality of their world. They may be the sort of person who has to constantly put the needs of others before their own. They may be obsessed with what they believe to be their "failings" - being "fat" or "unattractive", being "stupid", "lazy", "thick", "weedy", "smelly"... any number of things. MOST, if not all of these "deficits" will be things that the abuser told them.
Lack of self-esteem can be a very debilitating problem. It can lead to stress, or to feeling constantly "low". Many people attempt to over-compensate, putting on a "front" to hide behind. They fake nonchalance, they pretend to be outgoing. At what cost? This mask is hard to sustain at all times. Never being allowed to show one's true self means being constantly on guard, constantly alert to threats. This means that many sufferers of low self-esteem have trust issues. They were abused in the past. Will EVERYBODY take advantage of them?
If one has low self-esteem, it gets in the way of so much. Does the fear of being on display prevent one from socialising? From having hobbies? If you feel you are good for nothing, do you stop trying new activities? Often, the answer is yes. You restrict yourself to the familiar, for fear of feeling out of your depth! But familiarity breeds contempt, and contempt boredom. You are effectively stopping yourself from reaching your full potential. Why? Fear of failure. You have been told so many times that you are "rubbish" or "useless". Why do anything that might confirm it?
Besides, having been abused as a child, you haven't had the best start in life. Abused children often miss out on so much. Their education may be disrupted, leading to bad grades, or worse. They may feel that they are always playing "catch up" in life. Had they received support and affection, then they might have done better. At the time of being abused, many children are struggling to cope. They may react by withdrawal, or by "acting up". Either way, it MUST be difficult to focus on regular activities at the same time as coping with abuse. How does one function at school, or at Scouts, for example, if one is being abused at home? Where is the head space to deal with both? Where is the emotional maturity to deal with both? The abused child only has limited life experience, and limited resources. Often they fear the repercussions of seeking outside assistance, so keep the experience of abuse to themselves. Sometimes, they find it difficult to get help, because people about them find their behaviour off-putting. Many abused children give out "signals" that may be misread. They may be attempting to seek assistance in the only way they can - by acting in a manner that otherwise they would not. Sadly, this can be mistaken for "naughtiness", for "disruptive or attention seeking behaviour", or worse still, passed off as "just a phase".
Abused and neglected children do not always receive the same opportunities as others. Children whose parents are neglectful may lack adequate healthcare, thus becoming more prone to absence from school as a result of untreated infections and the like. Besides, some conditions, if left untreated, may become chronic, and last well into adulthood. Children may not receive adequate nutrition, adding to the burden. They may be poorly housed, or poorly clothed. Not only does this again lead to health problems, but it has the effect of attracting the school bully, whose actions may further damage the child psychologically.
Often, an abused child may be a carer for a parent or other family member. This leads to numerous stresses. Children who are carers have little time for their own activities, and their personal space is often invaded, by pressure of caring duties, and also by Social Workers, Nurses and the like visiting the family home to "check up". The child may well feel the need to grow up too soon, as they take on an increasingly adult role at a very young age. Schoolwork may fall behind, and social life suffer.The child may feel resentful towards the person they care for, but unable to voice this. They may be distressed by the invasion of their home by, albeit, well-meaning service-providers such as doctors, nurses and the like. They may be bullied at school due to their unusual home circumstances.
Unusual home circumstances are part and parcel of childhood abuse. A parent may have mental health issues, or learning difficulties. They may be physically disabled. They could have substance misuse issues. All of these the child will see, and will experience the outcome of. Children also see the effects of separation, divorce, single parents, parents working long hours. Some may be fostered or adopted out. Some experience domestic violence in the home. Any, and all, of these issues stick with a person and become part of their life experiences. They learn from such experiences, and base future relationships and coping strategies on them. If all of one's experiences have been negative, then it does not bode well for the future.
Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
