Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Sylvia

Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Sylvia

by Sylvia
(Location Undisclosed)

For me rape was the first memory I had as a kid. I was 4 or 5. The rapes and sexual abuse happened until I was 10 or 12. It is fuzzy on the ages the abuse stopped. I was raped by 2 cousins. The oldest cousin started first and I was passed on to the youngest cousin a few years later. I felt less than human. It has taken 3 years of therapy to even talk about the abuse. To this day, my mother blames me and it is not something that is talked about. I am 38 years old and the memories haunt me. I did not talk about them to anyone until I was an adult.

I wish things had been different when I was a child, but in my culture you don't talk about these things. And my mother made it quite clear that it was my fault.

I thank God for a good therapist and her patience. Sometimes I don't feel like living, but I am not going to let them win.

Note from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

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Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Sylvia

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May 17, 2009

Mother's aren't always right...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sylvia, regardless of what your mother says, none of what happened to you was your fault. Absolutely NONE OF IT! She's wrong. She will always BE wrong as long as she continues to point the finger of blame toward you. She has a mental block, a preconceived idea that has contributed to the pain and suffering you've had to endure for all these years. Blaming you in effect allowed the molestations to continue, unchecked. Blaming you got HER off the hook for not protecting you and keeping you safe from harm. With all due respect, your mother has no credibility here. YOU'RE the one with credibility here, Sylvia. YOU'RE the one I applaud and commend for going against the grain of your upbringing and seeking out therapy. YOU'RE the one I hold in high regard for choosing to go through the grueling process of therapy in order to follow the path toward healing and recovery.

I understand when you say, "Sometimes I don't feel like living..." During my time in therapy, there were times—days—I didn't want to live. Not because I wanted to die, but because I just wanted to be out of pain. So much pain. What I learned was that the secret to getting out of pain was to allow myself to feel each and every emotion to its fullest. To feel all the stuff that I'd been suppressing for so long. To feel the anger and hatred and hostility. Really feel it. And if that meant I cried and cried and cried, then so be it. I needed to cry. I had to allow myself to cry, without judgment, without apprehension, without fear being called a "crybaby" or any other degrading term for showing my feelings, what was considered "weakness". I learned that I was crying from a place of strength. There were days I thought I'd never stop crying. But then...there were days when I no longer needed to cry. There were days when I began to feel joy. The anger and hatred and hostility had suddenly dissolved. I was free from the pain that kept me bound. And then my days continued to get better. With the help of your patient therapist, I have faith that you too will find those kinds of days along your own journey.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Sylvia. I hope you'll continue along your path, your journey toward healing and recovery. You're certainly worth it, and you certainly deserve it.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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May 17, 2009
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Title

Comment
Sylvia, regardless of what your mother says, none of what happened to you was your fault. Absolutely NONE OF IT! She's wrong. She will always BE wrong as long as she continues to point the finger of blame toward you. She has a mental block, a preconceived idea that has contributed to the pain and suffering you've had to endure for all these years. Blaming you in effect allowed the molestations to continue, unchecked. Blaming you got HER off the hook for not protecting you and keeping you safe from harm. With all due respect, your mother has no credibility here. YOU'RE the one with credibility here, Sylvia. YOU'RE the one I applaud and commend for going against the grain of your upbringing and seeking out therapy. YOU'RE the one I hold in high regard for choosing to go through the grueling process of therapy in order to follow the path toward healing and recovery. I understand when you say, "Sometimes I don't feel like living..." During my time in therapy, there were times—days—I didn't want to live. Not because I wanted to die, but because I just wanted to be out of pain. So much pain. What I learned was that the secret to getting out of pain was to allow myself to feel each and every emotion to its fullest. To feel all the stuff that I'd been suppressing for so long. To feel the anger and hatred and hostility. Really feel it. And if that meant I cried and cried and cried, then so be it. I needed to cry. I had to allow myself to cry, without judgment, without apprehension, without fear being called a "crybaby" or any other degrading term for showing my feelings, what was considered "weakness". I learned that I was crying from a place of strength. There were days I thought I'd never stop crying. But then...there were days when I no longer needed to cry. There were days when I began to feel joy. The anger and hatred and hostility had suddenly dissolved. I was free from the pain that kept me bound. And then my days continued to get better. With the help of your patient therapist, I have faith that you too will find those kinds of days along your own journey. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Sylvia. I hope you'll continue along your path, your journey toward healing and recovery. You're certainly worth it, and you certainly deserve it. <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html#videoreading"><img src="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/images/Chapter12MrWhitakerSnap2.jpg" border="0" title="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" alt="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" align="left" hspace=5 vspace=5></a> <font size="1">Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html" title="On My Own Terms, A Memoir"><i>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</i></font></a>

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May 19, 2009

Be brave, be strong for yourself.
by: maurice

Oh Sylvia, please oh please read Darlen's loving words of comfort and encouragement. She is ever so honest in sharing her pain with you in order for you and indeed all her visitors that she truly does emphatise with each one as they relate and tell the abuse years in childhood. Her comment is ever so human, ever so healing, she knowing all she went through with her therapist was your journey too. Let go day by day as you share it with your therapist, or indeed with a close family member A friend.Sylvia don't be afraid to Cry, don't be afraid to love and hug your self and let us hug you so you get a love of your own body beautiful. Slowly love all the parts that were so cruelly hurt in your childhood. NONE OF YOUR FAULT, NONE WHATSOEVER SYLVIA. YOUR MAM IS EVER SO UNFAIR AND UNLOVING OF YOU BY BLAMING YOU AND NOT TRUSTING YOU. That is very hard for you to accept. The falseness that goes on in culture's and families in not acknowledgeing that abuse does happen and has happened within family members. I know many who put on brave faces during times they were being abused out of fear of letting down the family name in public. While the abusers used it to do more. Sylvia, you've been brave, continue to be so for yourself now. At 38 make a good life for you.

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Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Sylvia

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Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Sylvia