Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Shantelle

by Shantelle
(Saskatchewan, Canada)

Time to Heal: 
I was molested by an uncle and my father. I really don't remember much of the abuse from my uncle. I do however remember my father's abuse. You see my mother went to Bingo 2-3 nights a week, leaving my brother, sister and me at home. My brother, the youngest in the family, always went to a friend's to play. My sister and I had to do the dishes and clean the kitchen right after supper.

My mother would head out to bingo, leaving my sister and me in the house with him. Once our chores were done, we would ask to go and play. He would pick one of us and say sure, and make some excuse for the other to stay home. Clean our room or sweep the floor or dust, whatever. When my sister would leave, I was taken into my parents' room and awful things happened. I am sure I should save the details.

I remember the abuse still happening when I was in Grade 4 because that is when we watched a video in school called Good Touch, Bad Touch. They talked about just say NO. Well, that is no easy task.

When I was 13, my sister left home and pressed charges against my father. One day a female police officer came to the house and took me to the police station. I was so scared. I told them about the abuse from my uncle and what I could remember. Then she asked about my father. I told her he did, but I didn't want to talk about it. I was too scared.

Naturally, when the officer took me home, my mother questioned me. When I told her what I told the officer, she was furious. She sent me out to one of their friends' place. Until my dad got home. Then they came out to their friend's farm and held me in the bedroom until they thought they had me convinced that he never did anything and that my sister had brainwashed me into thinking he had. I was so scared.

My sister took my father to court. I think I was about 15 years old by the time it actually made it to court. You see, aside from my father's sexual abuse, we also had a mother that physically and verbally abused us. During the court case I was scared. I felt I had to lie. My parents told me my sister was a prostitute and probably living on the streets in Regina. (Lies.) I believed them. I was scared that if I told the truth, I too would be living on the streets. I saw the way my entire family abandoned my sister. Except for one uncle. But she wasn't living with him.

My father was not convicted, so no punishment. Life was pretty good during court. They were being nice. That all ended the day court was over. After the court case, my mother's abuse started back up. Now there was no sexual abuse, but verbal and physical.

I, like many other people, considered suicide. I just wanted out so bad. I had a goal. It was to graduate and get out. But at times I just couldn't take any more. I had a suicide plan and letter written. But I had met a guy who treated me really good. He never pressured me for sex. He treated me like a princess. He was so good to me.

I graduated that year and moved out of my parents' house. Now I was free. I started college that fall and I continued to date the same guy. We ended up getting pregnant. He was the first man I ever had consensual sex with.

My mother was furious that I was pregnant. My father wasn't that upset. I was so afraid I would have a girl. I sat with my boyfriend and told him about the abuse I was put through as a child. He was so mad. He wanted to kill my father. He then broke down and cried. He was hurting for me. He really cared. I shared my concern with having a girl. I knew I would have to confront my father.

My daughter was 5 months old when I finally found the courage to confront him.

I told my mom first. She called me every name in the book and told me to get the ---- out of her house. She called for my dad to come in the house. I was crying. I couldn't even do up the snaps on my daughter's snowsuit. He came in the house, and my mother said, "Your daughter has something to tell you." I looked up, tears running down my face. I was shaking so bad. He put his hands in the air and said, "I didn't touch you." I never even got to tell him what I had to say. But he knew.

That was the last time I spoke with them. I called my grandma, and she cried. She said she new something was happening, but couldn't prove it and how do you say something like that. Later that same night, I had a bunch of phone calls from family. They all apologized and cried.

At first I was angry. How could they not protect me and my sister? But I am okay with it now. They just had no proof. I forgive them. My one aunt told me, "He took that day from you then, don't let him take another. If you sit and dwell on the past, he wins." She is right. So my choice was either live in the past or move on. I chose to move on.

I married that boy I met in high school. We have been together for almost 11 years. He has held me while I cried. He has been there for me every step of the way of my healing. I have a beautiful daughter.

I have so much to live for. We all do!!

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