Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Ritapearl

by Ritapearl M
(New Zealand)

My earliest memory of being molested was when I was six years old. My stepfather came into my room, extremely drunk and starting touching me. I remember being so terrified that after that I couldn't sleep at night. He continued to molest me for eight years.

I found ways of keeping myself safe...sleeping in the tree outside my bedroom when Mum wasn't home, or making sure I wasn't home when I knew my stepfather was drinking. I never really understood why he abused me. Out of pure fear for my safety, I kept silent for ten years before finally going to the police. When I finally told my mum what her partner had done to me, she didn't believe me. So I moved out of home and found a flat with my cousin.

After moving out of Mum's, I thought about laying the compliant against my stepfather, but kept putting myself off it by making excuses for him: 'He was always drunk when he touched me' or 'It doesn't matter, I'm out of that house now.' But the truth is, it does matter. It mattered to me because I believed that I had the power to make sure my stepfather couldn't hurt another child.

For a quite some time, I regretted talking to the police and laying a formal compliant, but after a few months, I realized that talking to the police was just a part of the healing process, as painful as it seemed at the time. I had to jump through a few hoops to get my case to court, but once I found my voice, I was determined to make sure it was heard.

It took nearly two years for my case to get to court and when it finally did, I was more relieved than scared, it was nearly over. After three days of sitting at the court house (one and half sent giving evidence) it was time to go home and wait for other people to give their evidence. It was an anxious wait. I kept myself sane by being with people I trusted and preparing myself for whatever came my way. It took another three days to finally get the verdict.

Not guilty.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was chatting on MSN with a friend, and then I got a phone call saying that he was found not guilty. Now many would think I was angry (a VERY small part of me was), but to me it was over.

The court case was a great learning experience, and to be honest, that's the way I see being sexually abused (try to). Although at times I feel like my stepfather took my childhood, I also believe he taught me things that no one else could ever teach me.

Because of the experience, I learnt how to love others and cherish the people around me. He taught me how to keep myself safe and how to read people's body language. He taught me that although life has its downs, it also has its ups (even if you have to take time finding the ups, they are still there).

It's been six months since the court case finished, and I just celebrated my 18th birthday. I'm now looking forward to starting University next month to study the health side to psychology and start working towards a PhD. I haven't really fully recovered, but I know with time I will.

To those who have been through abuse...you are not alone. There are many people out there that have been through similar experiences. Find someone you can trust to talk to because honestly, once you have found your voice to talk about what you have been through, I believe you will start to heal.

If you are currently going through a court case, all I can say is I admire you for it. Life can only get better from here. Even if it doesn't seem like it, it does get better.

I know it's hard to stay and be positive when you have been abused, but I found that looking for the things that the experience taught me really did help.

Good Luck
And I hope this is a help to someone.

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