Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Redeemed

by Name Undisclosed
(USA)

I don't remember any of my childhood. If you asked how my tenth birthday party was, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I wouldn't be able to tell you how my first ten years of life were, or even twelve. I remember bits and pieces, and they're mostly about being scared, or being at school with my friends. I remember getting a puppy for the first time, and having that puppy run away. But that's it. Nothing more. And much, much less.

My dad wasn't the best guy. He was hurtful, and his whole body just radiated so much hate towards everyone that would say a cross word towards him.

I remember once, I was little, I don't remember how old. I remember watching TV in my big sister's room when all of a sudden I heard a big bang. My sister and I walked out of the room and went to the kitchen where we saw our mom lying down on the floor, her face towards the refrigerator and her back to us. I then remember seeing my brother grabbing a frying pan and smacking my dad's head with it, causing a loud clang. And then I ran back into the room and cried.

My dad and my brother were arrested and my sister and I just cried on the front porch of the house. I didn't know if I was more scared or shocked. We tried to comfort each other, but we failed miserably.

That's all I really remember. Everything after that went blank, but I know that that is what changed things for me. It's like everything that resulted from that abusive fight was stripped from my memory. I just remember that suddenly, my dad was back in the house, as if nothing happened.

I began to play by myself more. Secluded and withdrawn from the world. I remember actually playing that I was killing things. I remember pulling the heads off of Barbies and tying dolls up. I was a weird kid, and I didn't know why.

My dad wasn't physically abusive with me, it was more emotional. My dad is a genius, or close to it. And when I was having trouble in school, he would always yell at me, and I didn't like it. Soon I just came to the conclusion that I was just the dumb kid, the lost cause. So I said "screw it" and just didn't care.

Middle school came and went, I don't remember much except getting into a fight that led to me having a dislocated hip joint.

Then high school. I had some best friends that I thought were amazing. They were the misfits, the people that everyone thought were weird, and boy, did I fit in. There I was the genius, the goody-two-shoes. I was the one who didn't do anything bad, that had all the luck. And I liked it.

I had nightmares upon nightmares of things chasing me and me not being able to move. I still have nightmares of ghosts and spirits breaking their way into my room.

I don't know why I am afraid of such little things. If someone walks towards me slowly with a creepy look in their eye, I'll involuntarily start crying and cover up my face so I don't have to look at them.

Then something changed. I was born and raised in a Christian family, but my dad was the one that was raised from a Buddhist family and didn't really have a religion. Suddenly, during sophomore year, God came into our lives, and everything changed.

My dad, instead of telling me that I was dumb, suddenly started to say that I was smart. He said good job to me after I was done singing on stage, and it almost made me cry.

Everything that I needed. Was in a good job. And now, I'm better. There aren't any more scars or regrets or questions about my past. I just look towards the future now, and I see it as bright and without death or drugs or drinking. I see it as blessed, and cherished, and protected and full of life.

I didn't like relationships with guys. And then, I met this one guy. He's a Christian. He's dedicated to God, which is why I'm so attracted to him. We've taken a vow to live our relationship for God and God alone.

When I met him I realized something. That in order for me to heal completely from my traumatic childhood, I had to first be okay with myself. I had to realize myself worth. And once I did that, happiness just came in at every angle. And now I'm loving life.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.