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Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Molly

by Molly
(United Kingdom)

My name is Molly and I was abused since I was very little. I grew up with just my dad. He was all the family I had. He used to get very mad after work almost every day, and the things he did to me were terrible! He'd lock me in closets, and keep me there for days, not feed me, throw common household items at me, etc. It was terrible, but he was all I had, so I never said a word. I knew that if I did, he would hurt me even more. Therefore, I vowed to myself to keep my dealings with my father a secret. Luckily for me, although I was a good secret keeper, my teacher was smarter.

In fourth grade, my teacher became suspicious and called up Social Services to check it out. When they did, they witnessed what was going on. They immediately removed me from my father's care, threw me in a foster home and sent my father to jail.

At first I didn't know what to think. I didn't like my foster family, and I knew my dad loved me, but I still couldn't understand why the hell he wanted to hurt me. Because of this, I never complained, never said a word, or even asked about my father. Every now and then, my foster family would get sick of me and send me off to another home with another family. When I turned 18, I quickly packed my things and moved out on my own.

After about a year on my own, I received a letter. This was not just any letter. It was a letter from my father. He asked how I was doing and all the other original stuff one would ask in a letter, but near the bottom, I read a sentence that stopped me in my tracks. My dad asked for my forgiveness. He said he was sorry.

At first I was horrified and became very angry. I couldn't see how he could expect me to forgive him. But after awhile, I thought it over and decided that it would be the best thing for the both of us, to forgive him. It would allow me to live my life to the fullest without having to remember all that went on in the past. It would also free my father, who I had known all along loved me, from the burden of his act.

I then wrote back to him. I told him that I didn't want to see him, but that in my heart, I had forgiven him. I also told him that this action was not only for him, but for me too; to free me from the burden of my past. Ever since I sent the letter, I have felt better about myself and my father. I am so glad I had the courage to forgive him. I haven't seen my father since, and honestly, at this point, I don't want to, but I am glad through my action, I was able to do both of us a favor.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Molly" are at the link below.

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Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Molly

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Mar 04, 2008
Your forgiveness was truly noble
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Molly, I'm delighted that you forgave your father, and I'm equally delighted that you have found forgiveness so healing. You are so right that you do not have to see him to maintain that forgiveness. He asked for forgiveness for himself, yet you still pardoned him, partly for you and partly for him. Absolving him under these circumstances really and truly was noble of you.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 05, 2008
A priceless gift
by: Linda Settles

Molly,

I am so glad that your father asked your forgiveness; and that you found it in your heart to forgive him. I am glad, also, that you understand the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Some people believe that forgiveness demands reconciliation--and that belief hinders them from letting go--letting go of the blame and giving themselves permission to move on with their lives. Permission to heal.

Forgiveness releases a guilty person from blame--reconciliation renews the bond with them--and the two actions are as different as night and day. The first depends only on the giver (in this case you) and the second requires repentance, acceptance of responsibility, and a change of heart in the offender. It is a wise person that recognizes the difference between the two.

Thanks for sharing your story.

This commenter has a "room" on OpenSpace on this website. To read her various entries, check out Linda's Room.

Apr 26, 2008
True strength
by: Ritapearl

Molly,

I also have been through abuse, i have to say the fact that you forgave your father says alot about you as a person but the fact that you also reply to his letter says alot about the strength you have in you. it takes a strong person to work past the anger, forgive their abuser and actually let them know you forgive them.

Well at least thats what i think.

All the best for the future and i'm sure it will be full of the happiness and love you deserve!

Ritapearl

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