Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Michael

by Michael
(Virginia, USA)

Left Behind: 
Healing is the correct language for this heading. We are healing. It is a process. It will be different for each of us. This is a little part of my story and I hope that it may be of some use for someone out there. I know what it feels like to be alone and afraid. We all do.

I am 54 years old, male, married for the second time around with two adult children and two step children in the home at this time.

My memories of abuse began to surface a little over a year ago. I got into counseling quickly as I would advise anyone reading this to do. Don't go it alone, you've been alone in this long enough.

A recent change in my approach to exploring this whole chapter in my life is to begin an open conversation with the little boy I left behind in my unconscious effort to cope with what must have been an incredibly difficult time in my development. I began to realize that I separated myself from the child who was being abused to the child who was busily living in a happy and well adjusted family, going to school, playing ball, playing in the school band, and going to church with many of the cousins, aunts, uncles, and others of my large extended family. I left him behind because he was the one going through the trauma, the isolation, the hurt, and yes, even the pleasure of the abuse carried out by my neighbour.

The abuse lasted three years. Opening up this actual conversation with this little boy seemed a bit awkward at the beginning, but as I invited him to speak I found that he has a voice. He tells me things I had forgotten, including feelings I had about things that occurred later in life. It seems that he is the place where I put my hurt and shame, embarrassment, and fears.

It is important to not tell this child of your own, your left behind one, to tell you anything. It is very important to understand that you are simply letting this other part of your own person know that it is now safe to talk, to tell, to share, and that you will be there for him/her and the he/she can trust you. You must understand that this child is stuck back there in the middle of all that was happening at the time and that you can never expect anything from him/her. Your role is to invite, to reassure, and to share. Yes, you can speak to this child in the quiet moments when you are feeling at peace and let him/her know that it's OK. If he/she ever needs to say anything you will be there to listen, not to judge and not to tell him/her what to feel or do. Just to listen.

This conversation that I started a few weeks ago has revealed unbelievable things to me about myself. Long forgotten stories from my childhood, long buried feelings and emotions from that time and later in my adolescence.

You should only do this if you have a counselor or support group of some kind to help you through the results. The feelings can be powerful. The results can be healing. Don't expect it to be all peace and love, this child may have some hurt, anger, and disappointment to share with you, but you may find too, that you can love all parts of yourself, even the parts you blame and hold responsible for the abuse. Use caution, but whatever approach you use, explore and learn about yourself. Healing comes from within, with help from without.

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