Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Lee

by Lee
(Arizona, USA)

My Abusive Dad and my Cowardice Mom...The Unprotected Child: 
I've been struggling on and off for years with the abuses of my childhood. My Dad was a mean, angry, depressed, unhappy b***ard (abusing my Mom, my brother and me, but mostly my Mom and my brother). My Mom was a weak-willed, coward of a woman who didn't protect herself or my brother nor I.

Later in life after they divorced, my Dad started to become a better man and then into his 70's and 80's he was a wonderful person, who didn't even resemble the man I knew as my Dad growing up.

My Mom went through years of alcohol, sleeping around, etc, until finally she settled into a relationship with a much younger man who did not physically abuse her (only emotionally). She is basically in a relationship with a "non person" who just wanted a Mom who would cook and clean and take care of him. Still abusive as far as I'm concerned. She has little to no self-esteem.

I became closer to my Dad later in his life because, he at least seem to possess some self-esteem. He loved golf and became quite good at it and had a circle of friends (and a long time girl friend) who were good people. My Dad died quit suddenly two years ago at 83 from Mesothelioma. I missed him and the relationship that we had finally developed. I had fortunately picked out the best qualities of my Dad to incorporate into my personality and thus, I have really succeeded career wise and in most other areas of my life. My Dad let me know how very proud he was of me, as his daughter and was able to let me know that he was sorry for my childhood.

It's been so incredibly confusing to me, especially my relationship with my Mom who never protected me (and still doesn't and can't). My Mom has never accomplished anything in life. She can be very pushy, she cries easily and I have had to make sure that she doesn't dump guilt on me, (she has always been very good at guilt). She has started to take better care of herself for the past 10 years or so, but I continue to not trust her and I can't seem to accept all of the gushing affection (that doesn't seem real by the way) that she wants to smother me with. My Mom is a very anxious, insecure, nervous individual, but ironically, she is probably going to outlive my Dad ultimately. She is now 81.

When I think about losing my Mom, I feel guilty somehow, that I was supposed to take care of her. I have worked very hard to overcome the negative feelings that I have about her. She allowed my Dad (and others) to emotionally abuse me when I was a child. When I think of her, even now, all I see is a very small, unhappy, anxious, guilt ridden woman who tries very, very hard to be better to the point of at times, being a bundle of nerves and tremendously uncomfortable with herself. Even so, I'm working every day to forgive her...My life is good now, but it takes great effort to forgive my Mom and feel at all comfortable around her. I continue to want her to somehow be better for me, which I know cannot make up for the little girl in me, who was so frightened and unloved...I need to continue to let go of that idea and live the good life that I now have. This is a continued struggle for me.

I have a wonderful son who is now doing well. He too suffered the effects of particularly my Mom, as his Grandmother, who tried very hard to influence him in very unhealthy ways (I tried to counter this). Due to this fact (and others), he was very, very rebellious in his teen years and early twenties. I'm sure that my volatile relationship with my Mom was very confusing to him, but he has come through it and we now have a wonderful bond and understanding.

My life is amazingly good for someone having been through this with their horribly dysfunctional, emotionally abusive, unbalanced, self-centered parents. I find that it does help to recognize what happened to me from time to time...I hope to keep improving every day and find more and more peace in my life as I move into my later years.

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