Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Kelley
by Kelley
I'm a 30 year old college graduate with a bright future but a haunting past. I was abused for many years by my sister's husband while living with them. It started with him giving me hard drugs & alcohol after my sister would go to bed. I was an atypical kid. At 12 years of age I didn't shy away from his offers of drugs & booze. I felt so "grown up" and "cool" to be so young and so knowledgable of drugs and drinks. I'd even brag about it to friends. That all changed one night when I was 13. We were drunk and high on drugs and he showed me his penis. It was erect. I figure that he had been planning that moment for a long time. He asked me to show him mine and I did...real fast...like a stupid drunken game a teenager might play with their girlfriend/boyfriend. I was so drunk that I passed out and didn't wakeup until much later that day. When I awoke I began to remember the occurrences of the night before. I felt ashamed that I had reciprocated and I was determined to get a handle on things myself, without anyone ever knowing. That was the hardest time of my life. Fighting that man off of me while keeping this sick secret from my family. My abuser would use my dependency that I had for his helping me, for example, I depended on him for rides, he employed me through a company he owned, against me. He would threaten to drop me off in the middle of nowhere if I didn't "perform" for him or worst of all he would threaten to tell my sister. At that point in my life I would have rather died than have her find out about the abuse. As years went by I got very depressed and drowned myself in drugs and alcohol. I knew that regardless I was going to HAVE to do what he wanted me to do so I'd get so messed up that many nights I blacked out during the abuse. Sadly, this method of forgetting was my best tool for coping. The abuse finally stopped when I moved out with my first love. With his support I could get the hell away from my abuser and I did but it put a huge strain on my sister's and my relationship. I didn't call or come around anymore. While in my first semesters of college I'd decided to reunite with my sister and her husband. I told him that first night that he was to never make any advances on me or I WOULD TELL (I was feeling quite in control.) He agreed but continued to prod and poke at me for "favors". The next night he had a bottle of Tequila. I drank my share and passed out but not before tying my pj's waiststring tight and in a knot. I woke up with him on top of me struggling to shove his hands down my pj's. I was awake but he must have thought that I was blacked out because he kept going on even though he had to have seen my eyes pop open. I laid there that night like a dead fish while he raped me. The next day I confronted him while he was driving me to college. He threatened to drop me off on the side of the road but by this point I didn't care about having to walk. I was so sick and tired of the guilt and abuse. I scrambled to find my cell phone and my books and purse to get the hell out of that truck and I accidentally called my mother's phone. She wound up receiving a message with me screaming at him to keep his penis off of me and so on and so on. Basically, that message contained all the rage and frustration that I had been holding in for years. My family was supportive and my sister divorced my abuser. I've quit drinking and no longer do drugs and I'm in counseling for women with backgrounds like mine. I really don't know how I made it out alive. I punished myself constantly for what my abuser had done to me. I felt like a dirty, worthless, piece of garbage. Thankfully, I held on to hope and the belief that my experience might someday save someone else from a similar situation. I also have learned to not blame myself and I've surrounded myself with supporting, loving people.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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