Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Iris

by Iris
(Texas, USA)

My story is about healing. At the age of 39 I was having for the first time in my life to deal with the pain and suffering of the molestation and sexual abuse I experienced as a child. The first time it happened I was only three years old. Then after that, several other times.

My life was just out of control and nothing made sense. Growing up with the secrets was not easy. as I remember. I always felt I was lost and there was a sense of seeking in me that I didn't understand. I realize it was me grieving for my own loss of innocence and all the pain I had endured while trying to find the true important being in my life. I always felt I was more mature for my age and I was constantly watching out for myself and others. I felt more like a mother than a child. Somehow I managed to push everything into a corner and became numbed. It wasn't until I got raped at the age of 17 that I died and my life has been out of control since then.

I have done so much that has been so hard for me to even comprehend. I have not only hurt myself, but have hurt many other people who cared for me. I don't think I have ever been normal. There has been issue after issue and problem after problem. My world has been spinning out of control, and I was just at the center standing still, holding on to whatever was left inside of me and praying I wouldn't finally collapse. I constantly made excuses for everything and made my life seem like it was okay, when in reality it was all crumbling right before my eyes. I was at a point where I didn't want to be around family and friends anymore. In a sense, I just wanted to be normal for whatever normal was. I wanted it to all be alright and I wanted it to all go away. So finally, several months ago, I hit rock bottom.

I had a moment of silence for the first time in my life and I realized how messed up my life had been. It was at the moment that I started seeking for what I had been looking for all my life. I started searching around looking for whatever it was I had been looking for even in my dreams. Everywhere I went, I just kept searching until it all made sense to me. There was someone who had been standing by my side through it all. There was that someone who had spent every day of my life with me. Who was also hurting with me as I was hurting daily with my daily struggles. That special someone who would help me get through each day and would just wait in silence. Waiting for that moment when I needed something again and would start speaking to Him. He has been the most important person in my life and truly the only friend I'd had. There has been no friend like Him who will be there with you through the good and the bad. He has been the first one I speak to every morning when I wake up and the one who in silence has spend every hour listening to me as I get by my day. He has sat next to me in bed while I cried myself to sleep at night. He has been my best friend, the one who I left a while back and who later pulled me back to His side again. It wasn't until I realized the truth about my life that I begin to heal here at home with HIM at my side. He has been helping me get through it. He has loved me unconditionally since the beginning, and He still loves me regardless of what has happened in my life. His love and patience has been what has healed me. He has gently carried me and has held my hand through it all.

Through my personal struggle I realized how much He suffered for my salvation and that my pain was so minimal compared to what He suffered to save mine. I learned to give Him all my pain and He took it from me and gave me a new heart. All I had to do was just let go.

My story is not only one of true love but of true friendship, peace and happiness. I write this in hopes that you too find Him in your life. He is Merciful and He is the greatest physician. He is Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. My heart is no longer bleeding love because it has found TRUE love. Seek Him and you too will find Him waiting to hear from you.

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