Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Hannah

by Hannah
(Arkansas, USA)

I've written before to tell my story of healing from Anonymous from Arizona, which isn't where I live. It's actually Arkansas, but I've grown lot since then.

My older male cousin sexually molested me from second grade to fourth grade. I have now been out of high school for 2 years.

This summer I went to a retreat just like the one I went to when I disclosed my past on this site last November, 2007. This time I had been asked to be a leader in my youth group called 180 remix. I was dealing with a lot of pain from the abuse. I had flashbacks at random times and I could literally feel him abusing me. It hurt so bad, and I was sick of it. I'm not an emotional person in front of people for fear of being made fun of or something. I used to keep everything all bottled up, but thanks to God and my friend, Greg, who's been like a big brother, I'm ok with some emotion.

A week before the retreat, I went to Greg and told him about the flashbacks returning and how at times it hurt to even be touched. That was all I got out before I burst into tears. He prayed for me and fought spiritual battles for me. He held me and let me cry on him. Then he said to tell God what I wanted out of the retreat. I did. I wanted to end every flashback and never feel him violating me again. God made it happen at the retreat called Coram Deo, which is Latin for 'face to face with God.'

One night while during worship, God came down to our level. Everyone could feel Him. Our youth pastor told us to ask god to help us in the areas that we really needed Him. I did, and I cried loudly but couldn't stop. It was the tears that needed to be shed for everything that happened.

That was three months ago, and yes I still remember what happened, but there's no pain, no fear, nothing. I'm a leader for a junior high group and I'm ready to help other girls get through their pain like I have. I really truly hope this helps someone. God loves everyone and it kills him when people make choices to hurt his kids.

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