Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery from Elizabeth Ann

by Elizabeth Ann
( New Mexico, USA)

My story involves an extremely religious family; the abuse began in childhood, but it escalated when my parents joined a cult-like church group, and forced both me and my younger brother to participate...

As young children, we were all three beaten with all kinds of things...including belts and coat hangers (I have taken all metal and wooden coat hangers out of my present home, and cannot stand the sight of my husband's belt lying around, so I put it away quickly.) Even a few years back, my mother broke my tooth and also fractured my arm. It was bad, bad, bad. My father either hid, or forced himself to obey her and beat us, too. But he mostly hid.

My mother focused her sadistic energies on me, the only girl, because she hates women. (During the OJ Simpson trials, she said that his former wife "deserved to be killed like that." So you get an idea of what she believes!) She even used to stick things in me, like tongue depressors (as a very little girl...I still remember the searing pain, having to bend over the bathtub.) I had bouts of all kinds of infections: worms, and UTIs (for which I was beaten, when I couldn't reach the bathroom in time to go.)

They finally took me out to the military base hospital, where I was forced to undergo an ADULT IVP at the tender age of 4 (I blocked out as much as I could, being terrified.) I think that may have contributed to my present-day thyroid problems.

It let up for a while, until I began to mature into a woman...which my sick mother could not handle. For help with my periods, I was taken to see a VETERINARIAN who had some kind of weird training in diagnosing animals by taking hair samples...at almost 15 years old. I still recall sitting on the same table used to examine dogs, cats, and other farm animals, while this ugly little man looked me over. To this day, people still can't believe me. My mother herself got the top-notch care with the best OB-GYN she could find.

I was yanked in and out of 4 different high schools, some Catholic, others public, to suit her whims...I was then pulled out of school altogether at age 16 and taken to another state to attend a semester at the college there. It was horrendous for me; I never got to graduate, go to a prom, even date. (She told my guy-friend I couldn't go because the prom and the music were "Satanic.")

I brought her home straight A's while going to classes without a bra, without menstrual pads or medication, and without food. I was ordered to "pull down my sleeves" to hide the black-and purple bruises from her heavy hands, even in hot summer weather. I was not allowed even a driver's license until I married the "church-approved" jerk they told me to marry at age 20.

I was not allowed food, because she made the family "fast for the church days" which in essence, was at least 10 times a year, for months at a time: no meats, no fish, no dairy, no oils, no protein. No wonder later in life I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis, requiring me to give up my dreams of having a family and undergo further abuse with a hysterectomy!

I had nowhere to run from the beatings, which I also had to witness happening on my brother...who at the age of 14 (!) was still being given baths by this hideous woman!!! I tried to put my frail body between him and the blows from her. He has blocked it all out, calls her daily, even at age 39...and hides himself in all-night prayer vigils, fasting till he gets sick, and beating his chest violently (he is an ordained deacon in that group). No long-term relationships yet. I don't think he will ever come to terms with what happened to him. I fear for him when she dies...I don't think I am strong enough to carry him.

If I tried to run away, or even go to the corner bus-stop, I was told I would be hunted by the police and brought back as a runaway. One terrible night, after getting up at 5 AM for clinical then classes, then late studies, the beatings began and went on into the wee hours of the morning. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I collapsed and the shaking of my body began...for the first time in my life. I heard her yell to my father, "Oh, go call an ambulance for her!" He crept into the dark room, looked at me on the floor, then walked away. I had to quit the nursing program a few weeks later due to the shaking and PAT.

My father was a "good, upstanding military career officer." They were both "GOOD CHRISTIANS."

My family has now disowned me, after telling everyone I am "Possessed" ! They made sure to contact every aunt, uncle, and cousin on both sides of the family.

MY COMFORT and HOPE:

Very, very small things. Like a walk in the forest, birdsong, writing fairy tales, and painting. Singing to my heart's content. Kissing my husband. Animals. Gardening. Cooking. Chocolate doughnuts. Funny movies (like Shrek) and funny books, like Patrick McManus.

Also, the lovely, beautiful Son of God. NOT the churches. Just HIM. I can look at the Shroud of Turin for hours, and feel completely at peace, everything becomes softer, and as I look at his wounds, I know He must understand. I can't wait to meet Him in person!!!! HE IS NOT LIKE THOSE WHO ABUSED ME. It took a long, long time to realize that.

And life is short. And I am going to grab all the sweet, funny, and happy things I can, despite my health. And then, I am going to enjoy Heaven as only those who have suffered terribly can....

My deepest love to all who have been abused.

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