Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Alice

by Alice
(United Kingdom)

MY STORY: 
My mother had 5 children, of which i am the eldest and only girl. she had 2 of us when she met and married my stepfather, i was nine years old. I lived with my grandmother until i was thirteen then was sent to live with my mom and stepfather
by then she had given birth to three half brothers. My grandmother had shared an intense hatred for my stepfather from the first time she met him, and was reluctant to send me to live with my mother but she felt it was in my best interest do so.
the first incident of abuse began when i was 14, it happened as i sat at the kitchen table doing my home work, he came into the kitchen and as he stood over me he reached down to turn the page in my work book then squeezed my left breast, i jumped up from the table and ran into my room and locked the door. i was extremely ashamed and terrified i stayed in my room until my brothers came home, and told the eldest who suggested that i told our mother which i did, and i was surprised when she accused me of lying, she said he wouldn't do that to me and she didn't even bother to ask him.
after that incident he became more and more bold, he would pound on the bathroom door whenever i was taking a shower and demanded to come in to use the toilet, (we had only one bathroom) my brothers shared a bedroom so i had a room to myself and he would sneak in at night when my mom was asleep and try to fondle me, i had to start putting a chair under the doorknob to keep him out, which made him more angry and vindictive, he would do everything from planting things in my room and accusing me of stealing them, to not allowing me to play the stereo or use the phone, the worst came to the worst when he hid in the closet in my room and raped me when i came home from school one afternoon, he then threatened to have me and my brother deported,(we are originally from Jamaica), i never dated,i always thought i was ugly and that when people look at me they could see me as an ugly nasty girl my one salvation was

i loved to read and despite all the abuse i remained a straight A student,i thought about suicide but the love i had for my brothers prevented me from going through with it, i was the eldest i felt i had to protect them as he was often physically abusive to them too, i cried myself to sleep many nights after he would rape me, then i met this guy at my school who became my best friend i broke down and told him everything, he offered to beat up my stepfather but i talked him out of it, he did however called cps and reported it, when they came to investigate my mother freaked out and called me a liar and said she would send me back to Jamaica to live with my grandmother, that didn't happen, i was removed from the home by cps and int foster care until i was 18, i won a scholarship to a good university, where i earned a bachelors degree in social work, i never spoke to my mother again she refused to see me or speak to me, she died in 2007 and i never attended the funeral, i now have a fear of any black man with the physical characteristics of my stepfather, i never married, i don't even like sex, and i never had children, i am now 50 years old, i survived through counseling and great friends, and of course my brothers, i now work with women in domestic violence situations and help them through their various situations, and that helps me to become stronger everyday, why? because i am a survivor! god bless.

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