Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Alexis

by Alexis C.
(USA)

My mother had six children: three boys and three girls. I was the fifth child and I was the oldest girl, so I had to do all the chores in the house. I started at a young age. By the age of eight I was doing the cooking and caring for my siblings since my mother was always out at the time. She was with my father and two other men. She would always leave us with an older cousin of hers; he eventually raped me. At the time my brother saw the incident, but was threatened to not speak, or else. So it occur a couple of times, but then he got arrested for something he did, I really don't recall, but I know he was gone. For me, it was wonderful he was gone.

I used to have so much hate in me, especially because that was not the end. When I was about nine, my mother left my father and finally stood with one guy. He used to beat all of us so badly. He hated my baby brother. When he was about four, my so-called stepdad hit my brother so bad and my brother was so afraid of him. Then one day when he was going to hit him again, my brother took a toy knife and was trying to make it like he was going to cut him for hitting him. He really got a bad beating, and then he was put in the washer and he would just close the lid and leave him there for a few minutes.

We were abused till we were teens. I was 13 when my stepdad touched me and kissed me while I was sleeping. I only told my sister and she didn't believe me, till one day he did the same to her. Things got worse.

My mother's oldest brother moved in and was sleeping in the living room. He used to try to get in our rooms and he would even offer us girls money if he could touch us. At the time I really blame myself for what people were doing to me. I thought it was my fault that all this happened to me.

I started to cut myself and hurt myself. I tried to kill myself. Then at 16, I saw that the only choice I had was to find a boyfriend and run away to be safe, but things didn't work out all that well. My mom found me, so I reported her. But then I found out that I was pregnant. My mother told me if I said what was going on they would take my baby and leave me in a home. I got so scared. All I cared about was my baby. I told the people that I lied, so then I went with my dad. He eventually took me to my baby's father's house and I stayed with him for 12 and half years.

I didn't finish high school because I had three girls of my own by the time I was 21. But even though I have been through so much, in my case my girls changed my life. I left my girls' dad, but three years later met someone new.

I am married now and currently in college. My girls are all teenagers. The only thing I would ever change in my life is the horror I went through, because my mother didn't protect me from harm, but I still don't hate her. I still call her now, but it did take a while. I just don't want her to live near me. I like it that I am far away from my family. My family now are my husband and my beautiful girls, which I love so much. And no, I did not go through therapy or nothing. I just would look in the mirror and tell myself I love you and I will take care of you and I will be happy and not suffer, and thanks god that so far everything is wonderful and I am majoring in nursing. It's sad that kids have to go through such trauma. They are not safe these days, not even at home. Take care and god bless.

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