Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From a Girl Named Dianne

by Jessica
(USA)

I am the youngest of 4 siblings. My parents were divorced when they tried to get back together. I was a product of them tring to get back together. My parents relatinship didn't last very much longer after I was born. My father left after he came home early from work and found her in bed with another man. My mom didn't let my dad see us, so he left and never paid child support. My mother turned to drinking and died when I was 5. My sisters and I went to live with an Aunt that I dind't know very well. My brother went into a boys home. My sisters stayed with me for about 6 months and than got adopted by foster parents. My father regained contact with me when I was 11, He passed away when I was 14. He got remarried and had 3 kids with his new wife.

When I was 10 years old, when my uncle first started the abuse. First it was just touching my privates. By the time I was 12, he was having sex with me vaginally and annally. He made me give him oral sex. Along with the sexual abuse, he verbally and physically abuse me also. He controled every part of my life.

My Aunt worked midnight shift so it was a perfect set up for him to abuse me. I told a very good friend of mine when I was 14, she told her mom and I was interviewed by child protective services. They brought allegations against him, but left me in the house as the legal process took place. My uncle promised me that if I dropped the case that he would never touch me again. I dropped the case and the abuse stopped for about 2 months. Than the abuse got alot worse. He raped me more often, he called me very nasty names and hit me while he was raping me. He told me that he could do anything to me now that I recanted my story no one would believe me. At the age of 15, I became pregnant. He gave me some pills and I expelled the baby. The abuse got so bad that I could feel a piece of me die each time he raped me. I finally decided that if I couldn't get away from him I would kill myself. We lived on a busy 2 lane highway, and I was going to step infront of a mac truck.

I wrote a letter to my step-mom, she called me and asked me if what I wrote was true. I said it was. She helped run away the very next day. We had to go to the police and charges were pressed against him. We went to court and he was found guilty, but only served 1 month. Taking that step started the healing process. To control me he repeatedly told me that no one would believe me, especially since I recanted my story once. I believed him until the judge found him guilty. It was hard to testify in court, but I had to do it. I didn't want another one of his victims to come to me asking me why I didn't do anything to stop him. I found out a few years ago that I wasn't the only one he raped. He raped at least 2 of his other step-daughters from different wives, one of them being my own cousin.

I changed my name when I was 17, thinking it would change my life leaving everything bad behind me. I went on to be very sexually active with many different guys. I met my husband when I was 17 1/2. I married him when I was 18. My husband is my protector. He is a police officer and we have been married for 27 years. We tried for years to have a child of our own, but we stopped trying after 2 tubal pregnancies and 2 miscarraiges. I was 5 months pregnant when we lost our daughter. My husband knows about the abuse and helps me deal with all the issues I deal with on a daily basis. It makes me feel bad that he has to deal with this, I believe he deserves better. I have been in therapy for 7 years now. I deal with depression and PTSD. I am on anti-depressants and will take them for the rest of my life. I was overwieght most of my adult life. I had the gastri-by-pass 4 years ago and lost about 90 pounds. I still struggle with my weight and food. But, I still am skinnier than I ever have been.

I know now that none of the abuse was my fault. It happened because of a very sick perverted man had very sick thoughts and acted on those thoughts. He chose me becasue I did't have anyone to protect me and I was an easy target. I have problems trusting people and if someone betrays my trust, I don't want them in my life. I still wonder why I had to go thru what I did. I wonder what I would be like, if I wasn't abused. I want the innocence back that was ripped from me by a very evil man. It brought me happiness when I heard that my Uncle passed away from throat cancer. First thought was at least he can't hurt any more little girls and my nightmare of him showing up on my door-step ended.

I have made great strides in my life. I have recently graduated college, have a full time respectable job, a very healthy marraige, an adopted son who I adore. My husband and I are more finacially secure than our parents. When I was growing up, I never thought I would be this happy or have as much in life as I do. I know I have more work to do, but I know that I am worthy of the happiness.

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