Child Abuse Story From Zeke D

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Child Abuse Story From Zeke D

by Zeke D
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 17 years old. I've been in therapy for the past 3 years, trying to deal with stuff that happened to me when I was a kid. My therapist told me about this site, and said that she sometimes recommends it as a way of telling people without actually telling anybody. I read through a few of the stories and figured, what the hell.

My dad walked out before I was born, and my mom was a serious junkie. She did meth/cocaine/heroin, and drank a lot. We were really poor, so she started sleeping with her dealers in exchange for the drugs. Half the time I was left alone at home, and the other half she was so strung out it's like I wasn't there. This went on until I was about 7 or 8.

Every now and then she'd take me with her to the guys' houses if she couldn't leave me home. We went to this one guy's house, and he told her that he'd pay her double if he could have me instead. She agreed, and the guy took me into the other room. I wasn't really sure what was going on, but he told me to take my clothes off. He started touching me, then he'd take my hand and make me touch him. Then he pushed me down onto the bed and raped me. My mom would take me to him once a week or so, but then she would find other guys that wanted me in exchange for cash. I dunno how many different guys there were, but one I can't get outta my head. He liked to cut on me. He'd burn me with cigarettes, and carve stuff into my skin with his knife, brand me with his rings, and wrote whore on my chest with a needle that he heated up with a lighter. I can forget about everything else, but the scars won't go away ever.

It finally stopped when I was 14 when a teacher of mine saw the scars and told the police. They put me into foster care, and I finally ended up being adopted by the family I live with now. I don't talk about it, but they know what happened through my file. They put me in therapy, and are really nice. I'm slowly starting to become friends with my sister. She's 15, and I'm starting to care less and less when she sees my scars. I still don't like being alone with my adoptive dad, but I'm working through it.

I guess this does help. Sorry if it was too short. I just don't like thinking about this stuff for too long, but thanks for providing a place for me to write it out.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Child Abuse Story From Zeke D

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Oct 08, 2011

Zeke:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You never need to apologize for the length of your story. It was perfect, exactly what you needed to write, exactly right. It comes as no surprise that you have difficulty with your adoptive dad. He represents the most vile part of your young life, a time when you were betrayed and abandoned in the most heinous ways. But he really is only a representation, not the horrific excuse of human beings those pedophiles were, especially the cutter. And then of course, there's your mother who was so sick and twisted that she can't be called a mother at all...only in title because she gave birth to you.

I know what it's like to be scarred, not just emotionally but physically, from abuse. It's a constant reminder of not only the abuse itself, but the person who did it when all you want is to wipe if from your memory banks. I learned that my scars were battle scars from a war I didn't ask for, a war I couldn't protect myself from, but a war that I ultimately won. After a lot of self-help books and therapy and a lot of soul searching, I came to understand that though I couldn't change what had happened to me, I had a choice about how I could respond to what happened to me. That's when I began to see that my wounds from the abuse had healed INTO scars, and that my scars didn't have to be a reminder of what happened as much as a reminder that my body and my mind survived and thrived. You've been branded, Zeke, branded far worse than I ever was, and that branding is a major challenge all its own. But know that when you get older, there may be medical possibilities that can...let's just say remove the message. You're a beautiful person, Zeke. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve all the help there is out there for the fact that you were. I send you love, light and peace. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 09, 2011

no shame
by: nb

i no exactly what you mean about alot of your story because i grew up alot the same. when i did counseling they told us to wear our scars like badges of honor. not to be ashamed but like darlene said to be proud of what we've been through and how far we've come. youve already come so far. what you have been through has already made you a stronger person. people like us can handle anything cuz after all that what else is there? thanks for being brave enough to share. it gives me hope. lets wear our scars proud.

Oct 09, 2011

I'm so happy..
by: AnonymousT

I'm so happy you were able to write out oyur story and I"m so sorry your biological mom did not think of you. I have a young son & it deeply affects me as a parent to read of your abuse.
But, I would love to personally thank your teacher for noticing the signs & getting you out of that life. And even though you may not feel comfortable around your foster father, it's good you have the chance to see how others live and deal with pain, anger, or anything uncomfortable or hurtful that life throws our way. I'm happy you're in therapy, it's so important you learn your coping skills at this young age. It is a great step.
Writing is also good, even if it is not about your abuse but just about whatever's on your mind. Keep it up! :)

Oct 09, 2011

The Horror
by: Anonymous

Zeke, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your mother was so twisted and messed up in her own ways of thinking that she didn't even know how to take care of herself, not to mention be a mother to you. Oh, and I can't believe that she would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a cutter (and his fellow perverts) and allow him (as well as said brutes) to beat, torture and offend you 24/7...how dare she! The path that they chose is inexcusable. A mother who chooses a pervert, any pervert, over her own precious son is the kind of mother who doesn't deserve to have said son in her life. You are not to blame for their sadistic, cowardly behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that the teacher got you out of the abusive environment; I hope that you try talking to your adoptive parents about what you went through, that you try counselling and that those sickos (yes, this includes your mom) remain incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you.

Oct 13, 2011

You did the right thing
by: Jill

Zeke,
I admire your ability to keep it simple and get right to the point. Your gift of not being afraid of letting go of things that were beyond your control is very strong. You take responsibility for yourself. You are also extremely good at solving your problems as they happen and keeping yourself available to what will help you in life. These strengths kept you alive while you were being abused, and in turn will help you with whatever you have to overcome next.

Your mom and dad abandoned you every day of your life. The men your mom left you with abandoned you by not treating you as the beautiful person you are. I have a 16 year old son and 13 year old daughter and as a mom it's horrifying to think that you had to go through that. My mom used to leave me alone with people so she could go do her thing and they abused me too.

When I was sexually abused as a kid I abandoned my body and observed myself from a distance while it happened to survive the pain. I suppose you had to do this too. Your past doesn't define your future. You have the power to be there for yourself now and remain in your body when you aren't sure you can trust people. I can see why you feel like running away from your new dad. I remember when I couldn't feel comfortable with men after I remembered all my abuse. Your therapist should help you with this. If not, find someone else who will. By the way, the therapist should never make you feel uncomfortable by confronting you physically, I had one lady that tried Shamanist techniques on me and I realized pretty fast that this was not going to work for me so I moved on.

You did the right thing by telling your story. And though it is anonymous to do it this way, know you are among many, many people who if they met you in real life you regard you as a friend. Best Regards,
Jill

Oct 27, 2011

Love
by: Samantha

I am really honored to read your story it gives me hope. I am overcoming my struggle with my father but it is nothing like yours you are my role model thank you.

Oct 31, 2011

...Wow
by: Zeke D

Hey. Wow, I didn't expect that many comments. Thanks for all the support. My adoptive dad is a really great guy. My therapist said it's like, some form of PTSD that makes me feel kindy 'twitchy' around him.
I didnt put this in my story, but I'm gay. I have a boyfriend, and I tell him everything. He's the only guy that I really feel comfortable around. I haven't really gotten any negative feedback from people after coming out, at least nothing that stuck. It's just hard cuz sometimes I worry that the only reason I have feelings for my boyfriend is cuz of the abuse. It doesnt interfere with our relationship, like day to day, but every now and then it nags at me.
Again, thanks for the support.

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Child Abuse Story From Zeke D

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Child Abuse Story From Zeke D