Child Abuse Story From Vicki

[?] Subscribe To This Site

Child Abuse Story From Vicki

by Vicki
(Johannesburg, South Africa)

Not ashamed, but feeling guilty:
I was fondled by a much older man (not family) at the age of about 5 or 6, and again by another man at the age of about 10, and yet another at the age of 12 or 13. The scary part is that I always thought it was no big deal, since I enjoyed it each and every time (especially the oral sex).

I remember starting to masturbate at the age of about 8 and still do it today (I am 30). I lost my virginity at the age of 15. I had a whole lot of sexual partners, until I fell pregnant when I was 19. I am married with 2 kids, but I would much rather masturbate than make love to my husband. Also, I look at other men and would want to have sex with them, but only that, no commitment.

Is this all because of my childhood experiences?

Note from Darlene: What Vicki describes and asks is not unusual. I have posted this story and question because I am frequently approached with this highly sensitive and discomforting subject. Please keep this in mind and read my comments before providing your advice, or your words of encouragement and support.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are strictly prohibited.

Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Vicki

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 12, 2007

My thoughts and opinion
by: Darlene Barriere - webmaster

I'm delighted to learn that you are not ashamed, Vicki. You have nothing to be ashamed of; you were sexually assaulted, regardless of how it physically felt to you. The reprehensible grown men—all loathsome sex offenders—who molested you should be in prison for what they did. They are the worst of all criminals who should never be allowed near children.

To answer your question, yes, our negative childhood experiences, including sexual molestation, leave an impression that can result in unwanted sexual preferences. Facts are facts; sexual stimulation feels good. It's not unusual for a victim of sexual assault to experience something pleasant, but that does not mean that sexual assault did not take place. I've said this before on this site, and I will keep saying it.

Vicki, assessing blame serves little purpose. Reasoning out and understanding what's happened to you and why it's still happening DOES help to put things into proper perspective; I'm all for that. But I am not an advocate of blaming others for choices we make as adults. As a child, you had few, if any choices. No child can be held responsible or accountable for what you described. As an adult, you DO have choices. At thirty years of age, you can choose to act on your preferences, or choose not to act on them.

Perception is everything, Vicki. I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling. Counselling can help you put your worries and concerns into perspective so that you can maintain a healthy relationship with your husband, and not allow the adversity in your childhood to continue to interfere with your adulthood. The happier and healthier you are in your marriage, the happier and healthier your two children will be.

Dec 13, 2007

note from me:
by: Anonymous

Darlene is right this isn't uncommon. And it could be becaise of your childhood. There are many people who have been through what you have been and to this day are very different and are experiencing and doing things that they have questions about. This is not normal at all. Just be yourslef and don't let any man try and control you ever. xoxo

Click here to add your own comments

Child Abuse Story From Vicki

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Vicki

Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Vicki