Child Abuse Story From Tsholofelo

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Child Abuse Story From Tsholofelo

by Tsholofelo
(Pretoria, Saulsville, South Africa)

IT HAPPENED TO ME:
I was only 12 years and now I am 18. I thought that I was going to the grave with this secret. Even my mum does not know about it. When I was a kid my mum was unemployed so I was struggling to get money for school lunch. I went and told my father's best friend about the whole thing. He then promised to look after me. He said, "Come past my house every day after school to collect money, but don't tell your parents." I agreed. Because he was my father's best friend I did not suspect anything.

The following day after school when I was about to go home I found him waiting for me at my school's gate. He offered me a lift home (his house). When we got there he told me that he will give me money if I only sleep with him. I refused. He then chased me away without giving me any money.

After a week of hunger at school, I could not take it any longer and went to his house. "I knew you will be back," he said with a big smile on his face...I was so scared that he even told me, "Don't be scared, I wont hurt you. It will be nice, you'll see." He then stripped off his clothes and told me to strip mine. "No, I can't," I said. He then started touching me all over...took me to his bedroom with tears streaming down my face. When we got to the bedroom, he stripped off my clothes...pushed me on a bed and climbed on top of me...kissed me. I could not take it any longer. "Get off me," I said, but he refused. He had sex with me and thereafter gave me money and took me home. It happened for about 6/8 months as far as I can remember. Then eventually my mum got a job, then I no longer went to him...to have sex...to collect school money... and it is now that I see I was being abused.

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Child Abuse Story From Tsholofelo

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Apr 30, 2009

It happened to you, NOT with you...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tsholofelo, that man did not have sex with you; he raped you. He is a sex offender, a sex offender who took advantage of your situation and your innocence. It most certainly was child abuse: sexual child abuse, physical child abuse, emotional child abuse, and neglect. Don't EVER blame yourself for doing what you thought you needed to do in order to eat. You were NOT to blame. He was the adult; you were the child. An honourable man would have ensured you either had money to buy lunch or would have supplied you with a lunch. He is not an honourable man; he is a rapist who preyed on your needs.

I do not know what resources are available to you in your country. Nor am I familiar with your customs or your societal biases. I do not know if it is safe for you to speak of what happened to you. What I do know is that what he did to you was wrong and he should be in prison for his crimes. You said your mother does not know about what he did to you. If you mother doesn't understand about child sexual abuse, if she doesn't realize that child abuse is never the child's fault, then it might not be safe to tell her. But if she does understand these things, telling her is a good thing. Tell whoever you know is a safe person to tell, someone who can help you. He did this to you; he is likely doing the same to other girls. Unless someone speaks up, he will continue to get away with it. You didn't deserve to be molested, Tsholofelo. You deserved dignity and respect.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. Here I can only offer you a place to be heard, a place for validation, a place of understanding. Here you will never be alone. I would hope there are places for you to turn within your own community. If not, perhaps that is your calling for others who suffer in the same way you have, Tsholofelo. Perhaps you can find a way to turn your pain into personal power. I sincerely wish you all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 01, 2009

This man was not a man but a wolf in sheeps clothing
by: maurice

Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of Tsholofelo, the circumstances you fund yourself in with your Mam not working was real and hunger is a terrible thing for a child. You looked for help from someone you trusted because he was you Father's best friend. Your story Tsholofelo is heart breaking. That beast of a man to use your innocence and your vulnerability in the way he did is beyond human thinking or imagination. Darlene site is a stepping stone hopefully for you. You have shared your story with many visitors to her site who suffered abuse in one form or another. No comparisons Tsholofelo what happened to you happened you but we can emphatise with you and the pain/hurt you've been feeling ever since those month's of being raped by this beast. He certainly does not deserve the name human being. Darlene has given you words of love and hope. with her I hope you have a friend or two strong enough to assist you to get whatever help is available where your from. Maybe you Mam can direct you to get help. A friend is ever so valueable now to you. I am sure Tsholofelo you have friends your own age that you share your cares to daily. Begin to ask them to hold your hands and tell your story to the Authorities and put this man far away from you and children/teens your age. He is far too dangerous to have roaming around your neighbourhood. Hi Tsholofelo Keep telling yourself it was not my fault. I was not to blame for what he did to me.

May 11, 2009

THANX
by: Anonymous

I would like to thank Darlene and Maurice for their feedbacks and words of inspiration. I have now gained confidence and i think i am redy to tell my mum about this incident taht happened 5yrs ago. You guys are truly what i needed and as for friends im not so sure that i can disclose my story to them but however i think that you guys are only who im left with,you dont judge and friens can sometimes be judgemental and say cruel things like "you asked for it,you wanted to" and those are the kind of accusations im not ready to face just yet.Darlene and Maurice,i thank you,you guys gave me a headstart and i think that my mum deserves to knw and as for that man he isnt a human being but a wolf in a sheeps clothing indeed who takes advantage of peoples situations,thanx for the wise words guys.

From Darlene: Tsholofelo, you are so welcome. I'm delighted that you've found the comments here helpful and that you are going to tell your mother what happened to you. And rest assured, here you will never ever be judged and you will never read anything cruel. This is a place of respect...a soft place to land. I hope you'll keep us informed about how things go for you.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 23, 2009

Telling someone is the first step.
by: K.C.

Hi Tsholofelo,

I am very sorry of what happened to you. That man had no right to do what he did to you.

If your friends were real friends they would never judge you, and they would never be cruel or mean about it.

I hope you are doing well now.

May 24, 2009

You are truly a believer in yourself
by: maurice

Hi Tsholofelo, great news that you found Dalene's site first of all and gave her an me affirmation of our loving comments to you. I was so elated at reading your thank you comment and especially knowing you are moving on in your life. Oh please LOVE yourself and slowly begin to love that beautiful body of yours that was wrongfully abused by that terrible molestor and abuser of you. Hi you know now You did not want that to happen you and your innocence at the time. No blame no shame my friend Tsholofelo. Please continue growing in loving your beautiful self. You deserve the best so give it to yourself Now.

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Child Abuse Story From Tsholofelo

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Child Abuse Story From Tsholofelo