Child Abuse Story From Tom J

by Tom J.
(Colorado, USA)

I found out five years ago my daughter was sexually abused by her grandfather (my wife's dad). My daughter was in 9th grade when she finally found the courage to tell her mother and me. Through therapy we found out the abuse happened from the ages 4 to 8. She is in college now and doing very good.

When we got the news my wife began to spiral into depression. She had a childhood memory of her dad rubbing her back and it made her uncomfortable. She also had a memory of running upstairs and finding my daughter and her dad on the couch. Nothing was going on but she thought it was a little weird. This memory became an obsession to her. She said she woke every morning and thought about it. She was consumed with guilt.

Fast forward to last year.

My wife's depression was getting worse. She met a doctor who she worked with and who was treating my daughter for a knee injury. They began a relationship at work. A lot of flirting and hugging. This led to the doctor contacting her one night last August, late one night when I was at work. He asked her to meet him in a nearby parking lot. She said she left knowing what was going to happen. They had sex in his car. She said it was a very cold act and that she could hardly remember it. After this she started therapy herself. Her therapist advised her not to tell me (husband). She found out through therapy that she was sexually abused by her father and that she had repressed it.

It was also at this time I was going to therapy to discuss my daughter and my wife. My wife was very cold to me during the last half of last year and I was searching for answers why.

My wife's relationship with the doctor continued at work but started to fade when he asked her to hook up again and she refused. I found out late January of this year by an accidental email sent to me that my wife was sending to a friend at work. It was copied to me, but she has no memory of doing this. I confronted her with it and she denied it for about 5 or 6 times. I wouldn't let up and she finally confessed to sleeping with him that one time. It felt like I had been hit by a train.

We have been married 23 years and have three children, the youngest is 14 and still in the house. My daughter knew something was wrong and without any information she turned to my wife and asked her if she cheated on me. She also knew it was with her doctor. Who knows how they must have behaved in front of my daughter. In my wife's defense, this is something I never would have imagined she could have done.

My therapist says that my wife had no chance. When she was abused she used secrecy to hide what was happening. When she was confronted by this predator doctor she had no power to say no. It was like she was being molested by her father all over again. I don't know how to feel. I'm crushed. I'm finding it hard to forgive her. Please help me understand this.

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