Child Abuse Story From Tia

by Tia
(Undisclosed Location)

Witnessing Abuse: 
I grew up witnessing the physical abuse of my older brother and sometimes my older sister by my father. This abuse began when I was about 4 years old. My father was a successful business owner who experienced daily stress which he took out on my brother. My father would come in the back door of our house after work and the tension would immediately build once we heard the door shut. The beatings generally took place in his office or in the bathroom downstairs. It would only take a slight glance or a wrong tone of voice from my brother to initiate the beatings.

I would usually try and escape to an area of the house where I could not hear the crying, screaming and banging on the walls. I remember feeling so scared during these times that my body would go numb and my mind would go into a trance. My father was strategic with the beatings, as there were usually no visible bruises or scars on my brother. My father believed that this was what children deserved when they were behaving badly, as he endured the same treatment from his father.

I never witnessed any physical abuse towards my mother, but she was also a silent witness. She was a teacher and a wonderful mother, who at times would try and intervene during the beatings. However, her attempts only sometimes slowed the pace. I know that she did not want my father to hurt us, but there were times where she would threaten to tell our father if we were misbehaving. She once referred to the abuse as the "electric".

Our family looked picture-perfect from the outside. We went to church, were involved in sports and the community and managed to put on a good front when friends and guests were in our household. I remember having night terrors, where I would lie in my bed paralyzed with fear of falling asleep. I faked illness often to get out of going to school. I thought of how I wanted our house to burn down or have something happen to my father so that we could be free of the abuse. I began to develop behavioural tendencies around the age of 10 where I would tease and bully my girlfriends. I was also beginning to lie a lot.

The abuse stopped when my brother was about 16-17 years old and was a full grown young man. My brother is now extremely shy and has problems making eye contact. He speaks very quietly and has obvious confidence issues. Our family continues on like the abuse was normal, and it has never been spoken of. My father is viewed as a wise, loving and caring member of our family. His temper had a switch. When he was not angry, he was a very normal loving father who would do anything possible to make us feel stable. This inconsistency has translated into many areas of my life today.

I once confronted my father about it when we were in a fight. I was in university and was home for the weekend. I wanted to visit my boyfriend the night I got home, but my dad insisted that I go to the hospital to have my injured shoulder examined. His anger increased as I stood my ground. I told him he was scaring me as we were circling around the kitchen table. The anger switch turned on and I had to protect myself. I said that I feared he would beat me just as he did my brother for all of those years in the past. He was so upset with my words towards him that he left the kitchen, and I ran upstairs and cried in my bed. The next day my mom made me write my dad a letter of apology and told me that I had upset him more than when my grandpa had died. I finally had the courage to speak the truth and I was punished and was made out to be the villain.

I am fairly outgoing and have a good job and a wonderful boyfriend. I managed to get a degree and move to another province with my boyfriend where I remain close with my family.

I possess many problems that I feel are a result of my past. I have problems with binge drinking, low self esteem (particularly with my intelligence), I am bulimic, I lie, and have problems maintaining friendships. I am very hard on myself and find a lot of my joy through my boyfriend's life. I find comfort from exercise, food, and movies too.

I grew up with so many mixed signals. I was in a violent home, but I was never physically harmed. We looked picture-perfect on the outside, but lived in terror on the inside. My father could go from beating and terrorizing my brother to an understanding and normal father who loved us very much. My mother was a teacher who loved children who lived in a violent home where she was helpless in the protection of her own children.

I am trying to figure out who I am now and my purpose in the world. I am an adult now who is showing serious signs of mental illness. I have read books, researched the Internet, but there is no story the same as mine. Everyone else has extreme stories, but mine is just a scattered mess.

Note from Darlene:
I am currently working on creating e-books which will provide my visitors access to specific and relevant child abuse information more readily. As this project will require a great deal of time and focus, I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of offering comments on all submissions. Please do not take my lack of response to your story personally; I mean no disrespect, nor is it intended as an invalidation of what you have endured. Indeed, I am honoured that you have chosen to post what has happened to you on my site. Whenever time permits, I will endeavour to provide supportive and validating replies. I hope you and my other visitors will continue to offer words of support and encouragement to the many contributors who have courageously shared of themselves through this site. I thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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