Child Abuse Story From Tess1

Child Abuse Story From Tess1

by Tess
(Holland, Michigan, USA)

Screwed Up Life:
I have an addiction to sex which I think may have started as a result of abuse. I don't want to use it as an excuse. I know I am at fault too.

I was only 6 or 7 years old when the abuse started. I stayed the night at my cousin's house. My uncle came into my bedroom at night to "tuck me in" bed. He started blowing on my belly so I would laugh. He didn't stop there and before I knew it his head was between my legs. Stuff like that happened a few more times when I was at his house. Then I stopped going over there. I hated him so much I would rather not play with my cousin than have him do that to me.

Then when I was 10, I was molested by two people at the same time. My teacher assigned me to help him with grading papers after school once a week. Three others were also chosen for 3 other days. This was something I volunteered for, but I had no idea it was a trap. He would lean over me while I graded papers. He would rub my neck and shoulders. I didn't care about it, he was my teacher. Then my paper came up. I had a few wrong, but he told me to write down an A. "It would be our little secret." I was so excited that he would do that for me. The next few papers I graded, his hands went under my shirt, both front and back. He played with my chest (even though there wasn't much there). Before the end of the year, he was going into my pants with his hands while I sat on his lap. Finally, oral sex was being used on me. If more than that happened, I have blocked it out. Either that or I am confused with what was happening with my grandpa. He was molesting me pretty much the same way. He also went as far as oral sex, both giving and receiving.

I was beginning to think that this is what men did to kids. All of them told me it was OK. All of them told me it would be our secret.

The teacher was caught molesting another girl when I was in the sixth grade, so he was sent to prison. I never mentioned anything that he did to me. First, I didn't know then what molesting really meant. Second, I still thought it was fine, even though deep down I knew it was wrong.

I couldn't catch a break though with men, and I even think I wanted the attention. I started wearing very revealing clothing when I was barely a teen. My grandpa was becoming very old and stopped touching me. I think he had a mild stroke or something because it suddenly stopped.

Now for the part I am so sorry for, the part that I think about every day. It's my fault for what happened. I again think I wanted the attention. I became obsessed with showing off my body. I knew I was beautiful. I would change my clothes with my door open so that my father would walk by and see me. I loved teasing him with my body. I became the biggest "Daddy's girl". I would sit next to him and drape my legs over his. I wore shirts that let him see what he wanted. I wanted him to touch me. I was trying to seduce him. I am so sick. I don't know what was happening to me. He ended up touching me. When he did and I didn't reject, he took it a step forward. He performed oral on me. When I didn't object to that, he had intercourse with me for a whole night. I was 14 years old when he slept with me. The next day he couldn't even look at me in the face. He was either ashamed of what he did, or felt he was beyond me afterwards. He barely talked to me again after that. To this day he barely speaks to me. I can hardly blame him.

I ended up sleeping with every boyfriend I ever had pretty much on the first date. I became known as a slut at school. I betrayed my best friend, and slept with her father when I was 16 years old. I just hopped in his bed when he was sleeping one night. I knew no man would reject me. A few weeks later, he ended up raping me in the basement of his house when I came over to see if my friend was there. He told me she was in the basement. When I went down there, she wasn't around, and he raped me.

Now I am 25 years old, and have been married and divorced twice. I am the biggest loser in the world. I can have anyone I want, but I will never be involved with one person.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Tess1" can be found below. If you do not see the comments I've written, please be patient, as there is a system glitch regarding comments going live on my site. Tess, I replied to your story June 9, 2008, comments titled "Not your fault..." Keep checking back to this page. I thank you Tess and my other visitors for your understanding while I work at getting this minor malfunction resolved.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Tess1

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Jun 09, 2008

Not your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Addiction to sex in adolescence and adulthood can definitely be explained with childhood sexual abuse. Tess, at every corner you were assaulted by someone you trusted: your uncle, your teacher, your grandpa, your father—yes, you read correctly, your father sexually assaulted you! You were "sexualized" at a very young age because of these assaults. You were vulnerable and were taken advantage of by the very people in charge of keeping you safe. You learned what you lived.

Let me be clear here, while your behaviour at fourteen years old was inappropriate, you cannot be held accountable for it. There's a reason 14-year-olds (and 16-year-olds) still live with their parents. There's a reason they aren't given wholly adult responsibilities. Adolescent brains are not done growing. But here you are now, a fully-grown woman putting the blame on a 14-year-old (and 16-year-old) for the ultimately sex offending behaviour of adults. It doesn't matter if you had run around your house buck naked, your father had a responsibility to tell you each and every time you were being "seductive," and in no uncertain terms, to "Put your clothes on" and "Close the door when you're changing" and "Wear something appropriate" and any other statement that needed saying to address your inappropriate behaviour. Your father owed it to you to set boundaries, not set himself on you. That's why he can't look at you now. That's why he's so distant. He knows that what he did was fail you as a father. He knows that what he did was morally and legally wrong. He's deeply ashamed of himself. He's the one who must bear the blame here, Tess, not you. It wasn't your fault. I offer the same sermon for the way things went down with your girlfriend's rapist father.

And as I read your story, I kept asking myself why it was that someone didn't realize that your behaviour was a huge red flag of sexual abuse somewhere in your life. I asked myself, where was her mother.

Tess, you need help dealing with this. I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you put what happened to you as a child into proper perspective. A professional may be able to help you with your adult relationships as well. But whatever you decide, please stop putting adult values on decisions you made as a teenager. You're not being fair to yourself by doing so.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Jun 09, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Title

Comment
Addiction to sex in adolescence and adulthood can definitely be explained with childhood sexual abuse. Tess, at every corner you were assaulted by someone you trusted: your uncle, your teacher, your grandpa, your father—yes, you read correctly, your father sexually assaulted you! You were "sexualized" at a very young age because of these assaults. You were vulnerable and were taken advantage of by the very people in charge of keeping you safe. You learned what you lived. Let me be clear here, while your behaviour at fourteen years old was inappropriate, you cannot be held accountable for it. There's a reason 14-year-olds (and 16-year-olds) still live with their parents. There's a reason they aren't given wholly adult responsibilities. Adolescent brains are not done growing. But here you are now, a fully-grown woman putting the blame on a 14-year-old (and 16-year-old) for the ultimately sex offending behaviour of adults. It doesn't matter if you had run around your house buck naked, your father had a responsibility to tell you each and every time you were being "seductive," and in no uncertain terms, to "Put your clothes on" and "Close the door when you're changing" and "Wear something appropriate" and any other statement that needed saying to address your inappropriate behaviour. Your father owed it to you to set boundaries, not set himself on you. That's why he can't look at you now. That's why he's so distant. He knows that what he did was fail you as a father. He knows that what he did was morally and legally wrong. He's deeply ashamed of himself. He's the one who must bear the blame here, Tess, not you. It wasn't your fault. I offer the same sermon for the way things went down with your girlfriend's rapist father. And as I read your story, I kept asking myself why it was that someone didn't realize that your behaviour was a huge red flag of sexual abuse somewhere in your life. I asked myself, where was her mother. Tess, you need help dealing with this. I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you put what happened to you as a child into proper perspective. A professional may be able to help you with your adult relationships as well. But whatever you decide, please stop putting adult values on decisions you made as a teenager. You're not being fair to yourself by doing so. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Jun 10, 2008

That is awful
by: Hayley

Hi Tess, how are you feeling today. What happened to you is not your fault. I know it's hard to think otherwise, but it isn't. It is horrific to have to go through this ordeal, but the real losers are the people that raped and abused you. You are most definitely not a loser, and just because you dress/dressed in a slutty manner, it doesn't mean you are one. Who has told you that you are a loser and a slut? They are seriously warped, as much as the men who touched you when they should have kept their filthy hands to themselves.

Get yourself counselling, and if possible look into reporting these people if it is allowed to make historical reports. You are a very brave young woman who has been through sheer hell at the hands of predators who satisfied their own desires and used you to do it. Be a kid if you want, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Might seem a bit strange a 25 year old watching kids programmes but hey I still wish that The Sooty Show could be brought back and I'm 29! Good luck with your recovery Tess. You are such a strong person that you will get over this at some point in your life.

Jun 12, 2008

To Tess:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm posting this in an effort to release the other comments currently in queue for this submission; there is a system glitch that has yet to be resolved. My sincere apologies for the delay in getting these comments to appear on this page. I realize it's an inconvenience, but rest assured, I continue to work at trying to fix this problem.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Tess1

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Child Abuse Story From Tess1