Child Abuse Story From Terra

by Terra
(Birmingham, Alabama, USA)

I didn't have a normal childhood. My mom married a man when I was a baby. They had 2 girls together...they are my half sisters. In the beginning of their marriage things were fine from what my mom told me...he was a loving man, but after he got out of Dessert Storm he changed completely.

I can't think of any happy moments with him. He rarely told us he loved us. He was a very angry man. He was always mad at someone or something. We had to really watch what we said because we didn't know what would set him off. He always told me I was stupid. He said it more to me than anyone so...if he really thinks I am stupid...I must be, after all.

His anger was out of control. He never broke our bones...we never ended up in the hospital because of him, but he did sometimes leave a bruise. He emotionally broke me more than anything. Everything I did was wrong...everything he did was right. We were constantly afraid.

When I was 9 years old my mother and him divorced. It was VERY tragic for me! I remember it like it was yesterday. He brought us in their bedroom and asked us if we would like to go on a trip to Texas. I KNEW what that meant...It broke my heart. He took us away from our mother. I wanted sooo badly to stay with her. I didn't want to go with him...I was scared, but we had no choice. I can't explain the pain that I was feeling at the time. I was so heartbroken. I didn't understand why my mother didn't stand up and say, "NO! They are staying with me." I know now the reason why she didn't do anything...she was scared because he threatened her. Told her she would never see us again if she didn't sign us over to him.

When we got to Texas he told us he would be a better man...he wouldn't hit us or anything. Well...that changed real quick. He got married again, and went right back to his old self. He made us call his new wife "mother." It was very uncomfortable for me because I had only 1 mother. I didn't love this woman like I loved my real mom.

I am going to make this as short as I can because it's a long story. So...I am leaving out a lot of details.

He brainwashed us...told us that our mother wasn't a good mom...if she was she would call you and want to be with you. The truth was....she tried calling us...she wanted to be with us more than anything, but he was keeping her from us! He wouldn't allow us to answer the phone and he sometimes took the phone off the hook so she wouldn't be able to call us. We got to talk to her SOMETIMES. When HE said it was ok. And we got to visit her only twice or so. It was so hard living with him. I hated him for all he was doing to us.

I've tried getting Social Services on him many times, but they never did anything. Texas laws are dumb. His punishments were ridiculous. I remember a time when he got angry because someone overflowed the toilet. He blamed it on me, of course. I was to blame for most things. He made me get on my knees in the bathroom by the toilet and had me stick my bare hands in the toilet bowl and dig out all the junk. It was disgusting. He couldn't stand me making mistakes. He told me to make his coffee one morning, and I didn't really know a lot about making coffee. I accidentally spilled the HOT water all over me and he came stomping in there...pushed me out of the way and did it himself. It was a mistake! He shouldn't have let me try in the first place! He hurt us a lot and in many ways...I won't get into a lot of it because there is SOO much I could tell. I've run away...he has slapped me, kicked me, and ignored me.

When I was 12 years old he told me I was leaving and going to Colorado to live with my mother. It was the most exciting news ever! I was getting out of that hellhole! The sad thing was...my sisters couldn't come with me.

So...It was awesome to be freed from anger, yelling, screaming, and torture. I was very happy to be with my mother. FINALLY. I was free! That would change though. She was dating another man now.

One day I wanted to ask him a question...I didn't really know how to talk to a man and I didn't want to tell my mother because it was embarrassing for me. I wanted to know about homosexuality. He took that the wrong way I suppose and started acting very different after that night. He began telling me things about sex...orgasms...the penis…the vagina. It was very strange! But I thought he was just telling me these things. Didn't think anything of it. Then one day he told me he was going to buy porn so he could show me some things. Well anyway...I was talking on the phone with a friend while the porn movie was going...then he looked at me and asked if he could masturbate. I just kinda shook my head and turned the other way...then after some minutes he took my hand and told me it's ok...put it on his penis and told me to just go up and down. He was moaning and ugh...he orgasm-ed... ugh.

This became a routine...every time my mom was gone he would pop in porn...make me give him oral...and then give me oral...and sometimes he would massage me. I remember this like it was yesterday...I felt so sick! It was so gross! I can still smell his breath...smelled like an ashtray....I could feel his heart pounding on my chest as he lay on top of me. This went on for about 3 years. He took my virginity. I remember the look in his eyes...the satisfaction...the lust. It hurt, but he was enjoying it. After he orgasm-ed INSIDE of me and on me...he sighed and said, "How was that??" UGH!!

When I was 15...I had about all I could take. He was getting worse with it and I had to tell my mother the truth. We went for a ride in her jeep...I told her what he was doing and she hugged me...took me to my friend's and had a talk with him. He admitted it after a day and he loaded a gun and was gonna kill himself, but the police came and got him before he could do anything.

I was so broken...I felt like a whore...I felt dirty and ashamed...I was always angry and getting into trouble. I was smoking cigs and drinking. I didn't know why so many bad things happened. I hated myself and wanted to be dead.

A lot of other bad things happened, but I won't get into it...it's very long and I am tired now. Thanks for reading my story.

Note from Darlene:
I am currently working on creating e-books which will provide my visitors access to specific and relevant child abuse information more readily. As this project will require a great deal of time and focus, I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of offering comments on all submissions. Please do not take my lack of response to your story personally; I mean no disrespect, nor is it intended as an invalidation of what you have endured. Indeed, I am honoured that you have chosen to post what has happened to you on my site. Whenever time permits, I will endeavour to provide supportive and validating replies. I hope you and my other visitors will continue to offer words of support and encouragement to the many contributors who have courageously shared of themselves through this site. I thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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